Attempt #51 - 'The Pub at Crown'

 

[info]

When? - 19th of May, 2011

Where? - The Pub @ Crown, Crown Entertainment Complex, Southbank

Price? - $19.90

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.thepubatcrown.com.au/

Reviewers - Cale, Grace, Lee, Nikki, Stefo, Tony[/info]

 

** NOTE - This pub has closed! Parma no longer available - Review will stay up for posterity. Enjoy!

To be honest I really can’t say how The Pub came onto our radar, its one of those pubs that I would see quite often and think ‘I wonder how their parma is’.

Well seeing as the point of this little website is to answer that question for others that may be pondering the exact same thing, we loaded up the parma bus and headed into The Pub ad Crown.

The pub is trying very hard to feel like a pub (if the name of the place wasn’t a dead giveaway), but upon entering you cant help but get the feeling that something isn’t quite right, that its all a thinly veiled facade, kind of like the fake ‘street’ they have at Movie World or Disneyland, sure the shops are there but you know that there is really nothing behind that 1940’s ‘Private Eye’ window except some bad wiring or maybe a storage room. The pub is trying to be a ‘country pub’ but you can see the shadow of their Crown Casino overlords looming in every corner.

We ordered our meals at the bar and awaited our foods arrival, the free parking tickets we got with our meal was a nice touch and certainly helped the value score. I wouldn’t say we were waiting a long time for our parmas to arrive, but we at one point we did check our receipts to see just how long it had been since our orders were placed, never a good sign. After a bit of a wait, the meals arrived…

I had a bit of hope when the parmas fell in front of us, the chicken looked big, the chips looked plentiful and the salad vegetables looked … passable, but on my first attempted cut into the schnitzel my heart sank. I say attempted cut as the chicken was so tough that I actually had to re-grip my knife and put some strength into cutting through the chicken. Not off to a good start, thats for sure. The chicken itself was credit-card thin, definitely hitting the ratio of more crumbs than chicken. There was plenty of cheese atop the parma but it was tasteless and rubbery, some reviewers resorted to picking it off towards the end of the meal rather than end up constipated for a month. It was skimpy on the napoli and the ham was present, but tasteless and barely covering a third of the chicken.

Here is this weeks cross-section to demonstrate how anorexic this chicken was

I have used the term ‘McDonalds chips’ to describe chips before, but none have fit the bill like The Pub’s chips, I don’t really need to describe them other than to say this, Go to Maccas and pick up a large fries, but don’t eat them straight away - let them sit in the bag for 5 - 10 minutes on the drive home, tip them out on a plate then eat, let me know what you think.

The Salad, wasn’t salad, it was vegetables, The Pubs parma comes with an offering of veggies in place of a salad, now this isn’t necessary a bad thing, I am open minded when it comes to my sides and I will treat all greens equally, however if they were going to serve veggies they should at least serve good veggies. They came out cold, undercooked and undersized, as if they came straight from a bag out of the freezer.

I always try hard to find something good say about a parma when we go on review, but this week I am really struggling to think of anything. The parma was bad, the chips were bad and the salad was bad. They do a discount parma night on Mondays and even offer a ‘deluxe parma’ then, but I really can’t see it being slightly cheaper effect the score too greatly, its too far gone. This is a parma at its cheapest and nastiest, and I think this would be one of the first times I have actually advised against partaking in at least some respect. If you find yourself thinking that a Pub @ Crown parma is for you, please take my advise and follow these handy steps

  1. Leave Crown
  2. Get in your car/a cab (depending on how much you’ve had to drink)
  3. Drive 4 minutes (1.7km) down the road to The Palmerston Hotel
  4. Have a decent parma that wont make you want to kill yourself

I have even drawn up a handy wallet-sized emergency information card, for your own protection (and the protection of your loved ones) please print and keep on your person at all times.

Click here to download full sized version

Parma - 3.75
Chips - 2.92
Salad - 1.33
Value - 5.33
Total - 3.42

The search continues…

The Pub at Crown on Urbanspoon

Attempt #50 - 'The John Curtin Hotel'

 

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When? - 12th of May, 2011

Where? - The John Curtin Hotel. 29 Lygon St, Carlton

Price? - $12 Parma n’ Pot Thursdays, $12 all other times (no pot)

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.johncurtinhotel.com/

Reviewers - Cale, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Stefo[/info]

Last month sometime I got an email from our friends over at thehappiesthour.com, alerting us to a decent sounding parma deal at the John Curtin hotel in Lygon st. $10 thursdays with a free pot (although since I recieved the email there has been a price jump to $12 parma n’ pot night, bloody recession). Seemed as good a pub as any to do our fiftieth review, so we loaded up the parma bus and headed to the Curtin.

Thats right, FIFTY reviews! Holy shit thats awesome.

We arrived at the Curtin and snagged a booth in the public bar for a couple of beers before heading into the dining area to eat, They employ a digital buzzer system at the Curtin wherin after you order your food you are given a high-tech coaster which flashes and vibrates when your meal is ready, indicating its time to go to the kitchen window and collect your tasty dish. We got comfy at our oddly shaped table and ordered our meals (with accompanying pots) The staff were very friendly and talkative, happy to have a chat. One thing worth noting is how freaking dark this pub is, I had to employ the flash for the parma photo below, which is a big no no in the food photography world as it pretty much makes all meals look shithouse. Anyway, after a short wait our buzzer buzzed and we headed to the counter and picked up our meals.

Bad news first - There was a fair bit of nude schnitzel and the cheese could’ve been melted a little more, and it was a little light on the napoli. Good news - it was a quality piece of chicken breast, well cooked with a great chicken/crumb ratio, and they weren’t too stingy on the ham.

The chips suffered the fate of being squashed entirely under the parma, now we can normally forgive half of the chips being squished but the whole lot is just criminal, apart from that they were well seasoned and pretty tasty.

If you like onion (like I do) then this is the salad for you, we had to stop at a 7-11 on the way out to pick up some gum as everyone had rancid onion breath, a fairly sparse garden salad of lettuce, onion, cucumber & tomato, it had a tasty mustard-seed dressing that brought it back from the brink, although some reviewers weren’t fans as the onion content was very high, gotta be a fan of onion to enjoy that.

Overall the John Curtin offers up an okay parma at good value, I think reviewer Stefo said it best last night when he said “I wouldn’t seek it out, but I wouldn’t complain if I had to have it again” (actually it might have been Cale … or Pat, I can’t remember I’d had a few beers)

on to the scores!

Parma - 6.3
Chips - 4
Salad - 4.4
Value - 8.2
Total - 5.84

The search continues…

John Curtin Hotel on Urbanspoon

Theres one more thing I’d like to add, Reviewer Pat has been playing a little game of late, in which whenever I happen to leave my little scoring notebook unattended, he steals it and secretly draws a penis somewhere amongst its pages (mature, I know). These artistic masterpieces are too important to the art world to hide from society, so without further ado, I give you…

Pat’s gallery of wangs

This cool fellow is enjoying a trip to the snow!

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! Its Super-Shlong!

Apparently thats supposed to be me licking that rather large, veiny monstrosity, I can assure you that this drawing is entirely fictional.

Well I hope everyone enjoyed that, I will be sure to update you should more penises arise (*badum ching*)

Attempt #48 - 'Westwaters Hotel & Entertainment Complex'

 

[info]

When? - 28th of April, 2011

Where? - Westwaters Hotel & Entertainment complex. 20 Lake St. Caroline Springs

Price? - $16 in the sports bar, $22 in the bistro

Barry? - Yes (one of the new ‘Play On’ machines)

Website? - http://westwatershotel.com.au/

Reviewers - Cale, Lee, Nikki[/info]

This weeks attempt took place in Caroline Springs, for some reason I got this song stuck in my head all night because of that fact. It’s a pretty awesome song, so here is some reading music to put you in the mood.

I swear after listening to that song you’ll be singing it for days, busting out ‘Baa Baa Baaaa’ at random, inappropriate moments, I know I have been.

Oh and henceforth in this review I shall be referring to Caroline Springs as ‘Sweet Caroline Springs’, I highly recommend the council to consider a permanent name change.

There isn’t much of a reason as to why we chose the Westwaters this week, we had heard good things and it seemed like a good idea! So we made the hike out to Sweet Caroline Springs, I hadn’t been out that way much and I must say I was shocked at the quality of the Westwaters - it is an absolutely massive complex, much like last weeks review of Skyways Tavern, but bigger, newer and nicer, with a Sports Bar, Bistro, TAB, cafe, pokies, bottle shop all underneath a Mercure hotel

We were spoilt for choice when it came to eating areas, sports bar down one end, huge bistro at the other and what seemed to be a cocktail/lounge bar connecting the two. We opted for the sports bar as we haven’t done a proper pub review in awhile, took our seats and ordered our meals.

Theres lots to do at the Westwaters if you want to kill some time while you wait for your food. Both Indoor and Outdoor pool tables are available, as well as pokies, TAB and one of the new Barry replacement ‘Play On’ machines. After a quick wait our parmas landed in front of us…

When the parma hit the table in front of us I was very impressed - great size, good thickness, homemade crumbs and a sprinkling of green things on the top, I’ve said it before but its amazing how much a sprinkling of green things improves the look of a parma. There was a little nude schniztel, caused my a phenomena which will henceforth be known as ‘Curly Ham’

Curly ham occurs when a parma is made using the circular slices of deli ham, when it is cut with the ‘skin’ still around the edges (its not really ‘skin’ kind of like a rind produced when they cure it), this normally wouldn’t cause a problem but when put on a parma and grilled, the ‘skin’ tends to shrink under the heat and the ham itself does not, causing the skin to tighten up and curl the edges of the ham up and away from the parma itself, taking the topping with it and leaving shamefully exposed nudge shnitzel below.

Now this isn’t that much of a problem, but it can easily be avoided by using shaved ham instead of sliced, something to think about. Anyway. back to the parma!

The chicken, while not only big was thick, juicy and flavoursome. The homemade crumbs were a delight and, despite the curly ham, the toppings were pretty much on the money, my only complaints (and they are minor ones) would be the napoli is a tad bland and the cheese (after awhile, it was a big parma and took some time to work through) got a bit rubbery. But as I said these are only minor issues with what was an outstanding piece of chicken.

The chips were another highlight, massive chunky chips that were almost a hybrid of chips and wedges. I initially thought the serving was a bit small, however these chips were so big they were almost a potato overload, any more would’ve gone to waste.

After the great entries in the parma and chips categories, the salad was a bit of a let down, A simple garden salad of rocket, cherry tomatoes, grated carrot and sliced onion. My initial impression was the onion was sliced a little too thin to give any flavour however hiding under the pile of rocket was a stash of heaps of onion, almost too much. The salad was just okay, it served its purpose, I just wish pubs would get over their obsession with rocket and put some real lettuce on the table. Rocket may look pretty but it tastes like crap, and I’d take something that tastes great and doesn’t look flash over something that looks fantastic but tastes like oily grass.

The Westwaters parma was pretty darn good, if not for a few minor issues it would be a serious contender, and at $16 in the sports bar its fantastic value (the parma in the bistro area prices at $22, not sure what is different to justify the extra expense, but I was more than happy with the $16 variety)

Our trip out to Sweet Caroline Springs surprised me, I honestly wasn’t expecting much from the Westwaters but I was delighted to be proven wrong, definitely one worth checking out.

Parma - 7.83
Chips - 8
Salad - 4.5
Value - 8.17
Total - 7.27

The search continues…

WestWaters Bistro on Urbanspoon

Attempt #47 - 'Skyways Tavern'

 

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When? - 20th of April, 2011

Where? - Skyways Tavern, 113 Matthews Ave. Airport West

Price? - $20

Barry? - Yes. Kinda… Read the review for details

Website? -http://www.skywaystavern.com.au/

Reviewers - Cale, Lee, Matt, Nikki, Stefo[/info]

Here at Parma Daze our first priority is to keep you, the reader, both informed and entertained. It is with that in mind that I draw your attention to the song embedded below. Is it the greatest song ever released? I am ninety seven percent sure that it is. (the other three percent go to Rebecca Black)

So click here,  hit play, crank your speakers and treat your brain to the auditory orgasm that is ‘Chicken Parma’ by Craig Lee Smith

Doesn’t it just take you there? If I close my eyes I can almost smell the napoli and hear the cheese bubbling. Where is the Grammy nomination committee on this one?!

And only $1.69 on iTunes! talk about a friggin bargain.

For those who are unaware, since about 2007 the week before the Easter holiday has been declared ‘Parma Week’ by pubs around Melbourne, the point of which is to donate $2 from every parma served to the Royal Children’s Hospital Good Friday Appeal, Unfortunately this review will go up on the final day of the event, so drop what you are doing and go out for a parma! do your bit for charity! (click Here for a list of participating pubs)

So in the spirit of charity we loaded up the parma bus and headed to the first pub on the list - Skyways Tavern in Airport West, This was a bonus for me personally as Skyways is quite literally the closest pub to my house, after a 2 minute drive from my front door we pulled up at the Skyways complex, The large carpark was actually very full and we struggled to find a spot, but we eventually found one and headed in to the bistro where the our were awaiting.

We needed no menu, so on arriving we headed to the counter to place our order - I noticed on the menu board they claim that their parma is, quite literally, the best thing on the menu, no kidding, heres a photo -

right there under the roast of the day, apologies for the photo quality, it says

BEST: CHICKEN PARMIGIANA Whole succulent butterflied chicken breast, hand crumbed, topped w’ virginia ham, napoli sauce & lashes of melted mozzarella “It’s the best parma we’ve ever made!”

That sounds damn good to me, and if their actual parma is at least half as good as their description of their parma, we are in for a real treat. We placed our orders, collected our complimentary bread roll and awaited our chickens arrival.

Skyways Tavern is a massive complex, spanning across multiple buildings it contains a Sports Bar, TAB, massive bistro, pokies, motel and drive in bottle shop, we were eating in the bistro area but headed into the sports bar afterwards - more on that later, as our parmas arrived not long after we ordered.

I’ve gotta say I was pretty disappointed when this parma landed in front of me, there was a fair bit of nude schnitzel, it looked a little on the small side and it was developing some slight slippery cheese.

As I started to eat I was proven wrong, It was surprisingly thick with a good amount of napoli and mozzarella, the crumbs were standard but not thick at all and the slice of ham complimented the parma nicely. The my only complaints with the Skyways parma would be the aforementioned nude schnitzel revealed a couple of burnt spots on the chicken, and some of the breast itself looked the slightest bit pink in some areas, but overall it was a perfectly acceptable parma

The chips were underseasoned and overcooked, its not often everyone on the review board passes around the salt shaker for use on their chips, not great.

The salad was served in a bowl separate to the parma, a nice touch, it was a basic garden salad of Lettuce, carrot, tomato & cucumber with a very tasty dressing - nothing special, but it did the job.

The Skyways parma is middle of the road, it has good points and bad, they do a Tuesday night $12 parma special that would be hard to go past if you were in the area, and the warm fuzzy feeling we all got from helping out the Good Friday Appeal on parma week definitely helped out collective consciences.

After the meal we headed across to the sports bar - if you ever have some time to kill in the area I would definitely recommend stopping in, with a TAB, pool table, big buck hunter, a golf simulator and some sort of Risk-type tabletop game you will never be short of something to do while downing some pots. but the BIG thing we discovered at this weeks attempt was the Barry machine.

Now, much to our dismay, Barry machines have been disappearing from pubs all over the place, it seemed as if they were dying out, their website had been defunct for months and it looked like the age of Barry was over - until last night.

We walked into the sports bar to check if there was a Barry machine, and we were greeted with this -

Same games … same machine (kinda) … different brand! it looks as if ‘Play On - Games on the Edge’ has bought out the Barry franchise and replaced them with this. I was happy, I’ll take kinda-Barry over no Barry any day of the week!

Lucky I was wearing my Action Jeans, as my Victory High Kicks™ would have been very restricted otherwise.

The Skyways Tavern parma was pretty good, not great, but okay. Worth having if you are in the area but definitely not one to go out of your way to seek out.

I hope everyone has a great Easter break, and stay tuned for a fresh review next Friday!

Parma - 6.40
Chips - 3.10
Salad -  5.60
Value - 6.06
Total - 5.51

The search continues…

Skyways Tavern on Urbanspoon

Attempt #46 - 'Lounge'

If anyone has a photo of this place from the outside, please email me! Not even google street view could help me this week as its on friggin Swanston street friggin walk!

[info]

When? - 7th of April, 2011

Where? - Lounge, Level 1, 243 Swanston St, Melbourne

Price? - $19

Barry? - No, but pool tables

Website? - http://www.lounge.com.au/

Reviewers - Cale, Dan G, Guy, Jake, Kylie, Lee, Matt, Ness, Nikki, Pat, Shanan, Stefo[/info]

After the failed photo taking, we ascended the stairs to Lounge and made our way to the table we reserved on the balcony - apart from a heap of unnecessary steps scattered around the place that would be absolute hell for a drunk person, Lounge is a fantastic venue. Inside is spacious, but with plenty of chairs, pool table, great range of beers and a very relaxed indie vibe all around, Outside the balcony offered a great spot, well heated and protected from the elements yet offering a great view of Swanston street, perfect for people watching, not in a stalker-y kind of way, just in a relaxing kind of way … although it would be pretty good for stalkers too. Wow, that’s a quotable quote right there!

We took our seats on the balcony and once the crew arrived we ordered our meals at the bar, the waitress was a tad taken aback when we ordered twelve parmas but soon enough we were sitting around with our drinks awaiting the chickeny goodness, although keeping the dockets was a bit of a challenge as we had so damn many of them!

Wow, I just realised this is turning into a very photo heavy entry, I’ve got to try and break up the photos with interesting text however I’ve got nothing else to say between now and when the parmas arrived. Ummm. Stuff…

Oh! the parma was $19, I have heard rumors of Lounge offering a ‘Parma o’clock’ Monday similar to the one we did at Sam’s Cafe, however there was no signage in the pub that would confirm a Parma O’clock, so that one remains a mystery.

There, killed enough space between photos I think… ahem

After a short wait, our parmas filed out of the kitchen!

As daylight savings hit last week it was already dark by the time our parmas arrived, this photo is the best look I’ve had at the parma I ate as the low lighting meant I needed flash to take the photo - which never helps the quality of the photo, especially on an iPhone camera, so I apologise.

The schnitzel was very thin on the edges and tapered in to average thickness in the middle, there was some nude schnitzel around the sides which left the already thin edges dry and overcooked. The center of the parma was heavy on the cheese and napoli, the cheese being the closest tasting to the famed Prince of Wales parma that we’ve had so far. The napoli had a bit of spice to it and there was a decent slice of ham covering a majority of the parma that added pretty nicely to the flavour, however there was one issue that took this parma from average to mediocre, and that was the crumbs.

I couldn’t put my finger on it at first, but there was a definite taste to the parma that was familiar yet eluded me, the more I ate the more I could taste it and the more overpowering it became, It wasn’t until Reviewer Stefo named it that I realised what the elusive flavour was … corn chips

The whole parma tasted as if the crumbs were made of crushed corn chips, and from the time we named it that is all I could taste. Nachos, tacos, doritos, the whole parma tasted like a taco! now this would be fine if I had ordered a taco, but I had ordered a parma! A lot of reviewers were majorly turned off by the crumbs, Myself included.

hmmm  parma taco … now theres an idea!

Patent pending © 2011 Parma Daze

The chips were standard, seasoned but small serving, soggy from living under the parma and some reviewers reported them as being cold.

The salad wasn’t astounding, Simple garden salad of rocket, little bit of real lettuce, lots of cucumber and a slice of tomato, a little simple but tasty and did its job as a salad rather well

I loved the venue, we don’t get into the city center as often as I’d like to, we always seem to have a good time when we do, as I seem to say at the end of every bad review, I’d be happy to go back for a beer anytime - maybe I’m just an alcoholic.

After the parma we mosey’ed down to the HiFi bar where The Dan Band were playing a show for the comedy festival, you’d know the Dan Band as the Wedding band that play in Old School, The Hangover & Starsky and Hutch. Friggin hilarious and I recommend catching the show if you can get tickets.

Dan gives a very passionate rendition of ‘Single Ladies’

Lounge’s parma was a bit of a disappointment, not all of the reviewers thought it was that terrible, the parma’s scores ranged from a 2 to a 6.5, and everything in between! I guess it comes down to personal taste, do you like your parma to taste like a parma? or do you like your parma to taste like a taco?

mmm taco flavoured parma for my Ben

My kisses taste like tacos

Parma - 4.38
Chips - 4.79
Salad - 4.25
Value - 4.21
Total - 4.40

The search continues…

The Lounge on Urbanspoon

Attempt #45 - 'James Squire Hotel'

 

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When? - 30th of March, 2011

Where? - James Squire Brewhouse. 16-17, 439 Docklands Drive, Waterfront City, Docklands.

Price? - $24 for standard (or ‘charlotte’) parma, novelty extra - see review for details

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.jamessquire.net.au/

Reviewers - Cale, Donna, Janet, Lee, Ness, Nikki, Stefo[/info]

 

Oh James Squire Hotel … I tried so hard to like your parma, I really did. but. I just can’t … Look, I’ll start at the beginning.

So, I’ve mentioned it before, but since starting this little website we get a lot of recommendations for ‘the best’ parma, via email, twitter, carrier pigeon and just word of mouth. While out at the local watering hole last Friday one of my mates (Reviewer Fridge, who’s real name is James Ford, just like Sawyer on Lost) suggested that we try the James Squire hotel on the docklands. This tickled my fancy-bone as we had been looking for a pub on the docklands for awhile now, and this seemed like just the ticket.

So we loaded up the parma bus and headed to the Docklands. Under the shadow of the half deconstructed southern star ferris wheel we found the James Squire Hotel, and at first glance I was impressed! Perfect waterfront location, beautiful establishment, gorgeous big comfy chairs and an amazing range of beers (A little James Squire heavy, but thats to be expected at the James Squire Hotel!)

Once the team arrived we took our seats and picked up the menu, rather than re-type it all here, I took a screenshot of the menu that is posted on their website

Quite a selection! I also love the idea of matching different parmas to different beers, great idea James Squire! however one thing that did strike me as a little off was the price - these were the most expensive parmas we have had, and the most normal parma on the list (the Charlotte) chimed in at $24! and thats without ham! these had better be the best darn parmas ever. After much deliberation we ordered, I decided on the ‘Banker’, not because of the avocado, but it was the only parma on the list with ham, the lineup looked like this

  • Myself & Ness - Banker
  • Nikki & Donna - Charlotte
  • Cale & Stefo - Farmer
  • Janet - Theif (‘Theif’ is right! $29 for a freakin parma!?)

We placed our orders and awaited our parmas arrival, while waiting I got myself a ‘tasting paddle’ from the bar, a fantastic idea and great way to sample all of the beers James Squire has on offer

dee-lish!

By the time I was 2 glasses down the paddle, our parmas arrived

My ‘Banker’

Cale’s ‘Farmer’

On first glance they looked amazing, an aesthetically beautiful parma. But hold on … where’s the salad? there was no salad anywhere to be found on the plate and for that price I would expect a salad (and the avocado slices don’t count!), we re-checked the menu and found this under the parma section …

EIGHT DOLLARS?!… I’m sorry to shout like that, I really am, but EIGHT DOLLARS?!?! for a side salad with my parma?! what the hell! also, how the hell are pan fried mushrooms seven dollars fifty. I’m not a tightarse by any means, but we have had parma attempts at which the entire meal has cost less than what the James Squire is charging for a side salad.

But I digress…

Other than the lack of salad, the parma actually looked pretty impressive, the herbed, home made crumbs looked amazing, great cheese coverage and they weren’t skimpy on the novelty topping, and for the first couple of mouthfulls it tasted great also, but there was one major issue - the schnitzel was at least 50% crumbs! Granted, the crumbs were delicious, but I would like some chicken with my chicken parmigiana! I kept hoping it would thicken up toward the middle as many parmas do, and it did, but only very slightly, by the end of the parma the crumbs that were a delight at the start of the meal were totally overpowering everything else on the plate. Cut back on the crumbs and thicken up the chicken guys! We have had worse parmas in the past, but for over $25 we expected more.

The chips, much like the parma, looked amazing when they arrived, massive chunky steak style chips that bordered more on sliced up roast potatoes than chips, unfortunately lack of seasoning and the sheer size of them left them a little dry, not terrible by any means, but not as fantastic as they looked

This is normally where I would talk about the salad. You are already aware of what happened with the salad.

Now we have only come across one other parma that was served without a salad, and in that case we simply gave it a zero across the board for salad score, which greatly affects its final score as you can imagine. We discussed this last night and came to the conclusion that method isn’t fair, if ‘The Simpsons’ has taught us anything its that you don’t win friends with salad

[youtube id="aM6xVQwIOYQ" width="580" height="337"]

So giving them a zero and dragging the score down because they choose not to include a salad is the wrong answer - instead they get a 5 (middle of the road) across the board for salad score, BUT the lack of salad is well and truly counted in the overall value score, which would definitely take a hit for the exclusion of a salad.

sound fair? I think so.

Also, I will be amending The Skinny Dog’s parma under this new rule as well (which will henceforth be known as the ‘You don’t win friends with salad’ rule), just to make it fair.

So as I said at the beginning, I Really tried to like the James Squire’s Parma, It looked amazing, they put a lot of effort into the different varieties (including a ‘parma of the week’ on the specials board). But for the price they are charging it simply isn’t worth it, as I said before, we’ve definitely had worse parmas, but if I were to order a ‘Theif’ Parma with a side salad I would be looking at over $37 for my meal alone, a full $10 more than what we paid for the Grandeoso double parma at the Hotel Albion, which is just crazy.

The venue itself is absolutely fantastic! The beers are amazing and its in a perfect spot. If I’m welcome to show my face there after the score I am about to give, I will definitely be back on a Friday night for another tasting paddle or five.

Parma - 5.36
Chips- 5.43
Salad - N/A
Value - 2.86
Total - 4.80

The search continues…

James Squire Brewhouse on Urbanspoon

Attempt #44 - 'Derrimut Skyes @ the Sunshine Golf Club'

Photos of this place are impossible to come by, so you get the photo I snapped on the way out, Although I couldn’t find a shot of the restaurant or the club, I did find this photo of this very nice view from the golf course itself

gotta love that gorgeous Melbourne skyline!

[info]

When? - 24th of March, 2011

Where? - Derrimut Skyes Restaurant, Sunshine Golf Club. 475 Mt. Derrimut Rd, Derrimut

Price? - $19.50

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.sunshinegolfclub.com.au/

Reviewers - Bec, Ben D, Ben T, Cale, Emma, Glen, Lee, Luke, Nikki, Pat, Stefo, Tyson[/info]

**EDIT!** 10/4/2012 - It has been brought to our attention by a reader and fellow parma lover that the parma at Derrimut Skyes may have gone downhill!, to quote the email we recieved -

“My verdict: HORRIBLE! Two of us dined, one Parma was burnt and the other one was soggy. They tasted very bland and processed. But, it was the “chips” that got me. On each plate, it was one potato cut length wise, then length wise again to leave 4 large ‘wedges’ which were fried briefly. They were hard, undercooked and tasteless.”

Now one could put that down to just getting a bad batch, however the fact that the chips sound like they have changed completely leads me to believe the whole thing has had an overhaul - We will investigate this further, hopefully it was a momentary brain fart by the chef, but until further notice, dine at your own risk!

**EDIT!**  23/4/2012 - We have confirmation! Another reader just messaged me to confirm the downfall of Derrimut Skyes, his message -

“The parma was small, about the size of the palm of your hand maybe bit more, although tasty, certainly not enough to keep you satisfied, the chips, well, when the plates landed I thought, ‘Oh crap we don’t get chips’ I then lifted my parma to find 6 chips, no joke, only 6, and the chef must count them as my partner had only 6 chips under her parma too”

In light of this confirmation I can no longer recommend Derrimut Skyes parma, I can’t straight up remove it from the listings, but we will do our best to visit for a re-review in the near future! stay tuned!

First things first! I have some Non-review related stuff to report, If you aren’t interested in this (there is math … yuck), scroll down till you see a picture of a bunny with a pancake on its head, the actual review will start there.

So regular readers may remember when I altered the formula that was used to calculate the final parma score, there was a lot of confusing math involved that I didn’t quite understand myself, but it basically meant that the Chips and the Salad were calculated as being half as important as the Parma and the Value, and their scores had half the impact on the final score than the parma and value did.

After much soul searching and sleepless nights, I have come to realise that this formula is also unfair - I think we would all agree that the parma is the most important thing on the plate, but I have come to the conclusion that the Value of the parma should not be weighed at the same level as the Parma, and definitely not above the chips and salad.

SO I have spent the morning re-inputting all of the scores from all 44 attempts into formula V.3 which weighs the Parma twice as important as the chips, salad and value, basically the highest score the parma can get is 4 (calculated by taking the average of each reviewers score (out of 10) and multiplying the resulting number by two fifths), the highest score the chips, salad, and value can get is 2 (though the same method the parma score is determined, but multiplying the resulting score by one fifth each), they are added together to get the total score.

example! say a parma gets a score of Parma - 8.5, Chips - 6.3, Salad - 7.4, Value - 6

that would be -

Parma - 2/5*8.5 = 3.4

Chips - 1/5*6.3 = 1.26

Salad - 1/5*7.4 = 1.48

Value - 1/5*6 = 1.2

3.2+1.2+1.4+1.2 = 7.34

Total = 7.34

This means there has been some minor re-jigging to the ladder, but the standings are pretty much as they were, with a couple of changes.

Im pretty sure this makes sense as the fairest way to calculate scores, if you don’t think it does, or you have any questions or comments feel free to email, or hit us up on the twitter or facebook.

Also, you may notice the shmancy new toolbar at the bottom of the site now, It has links to facebook, twitter, digg and even chat if you want to discuss parmas with other people on the site the same time as you are, hope you enjoy it! if you aren’t a fan just click the little double-arrow thing on the right and it shall be banished from your life forever.

Okay, on to the review. CUE THE BUNNY!

Sometime a couple of weeks ago I got an email from a reader name Alanna, claiming that she too was a Prince of Wales parma devotee, and she said (and I quote) “The only Parma that I have had that has even come close the cheesy-chicken- saucy goodness that was a Jimmies Parma was at the sunshine golf club – highly recommend it. “

Well that was that, The Sunshine Golf Club jumped to the top of the list, after doing a bit of research I discovered that the restaurant itself is called ‘Derrimut Skyes’ but it is located in the club house of the Sunshine Golf Club. I made a booking, assembled the crew, and we were off.

We arrived at the beautiful clubrooms (very swanky) and made our way to the restaurant where we took our seats - We normally review pubs so I will state now that this is most definitely a restaurant, not a pub. Full table service, bottles of chilled water and beautiful looking meals were a couple of things to note, as well as one of the best views of the Melbourne skyline I have seen in quite a while. We ordered our twelve parmas just before the entirety of our group arrived, and not long after everyone was in their seats did the meals start filing out of the kitchen

I’m gonna say it now, I love square plates.

There was some variance in schnitzel size but seeing as those sized ranged from ‘huge’ to ‘friggin huge!’ (the photo above being one of the smaller ones, but still huge) there was no love lost there, the home made crumbs were absolutely fantastic and the chicken breast was perfectly cooked, there was a little schnitzel nudity around the edges (of the ‘friggin huge!’ parmas especially) but to be honest it tasted great so I wasn’t phased. The ham, the napoli and cheese were all perfect. To be perfectly honest this was one of (if not the best) parma we have had since the downfall of Jimmies, the complaints were minor and the parma was delicious.

The chips were standard, kind of a small serving, served under the parma even though there was heaps of room on the plate where they could have gone. With no detectable seasoning (although there was salt and pepper on the table), However they were crispy, well cooked and complimented the meal fine.

The garden salad was good - If you like vinegar. Standard salad of lettuce, onion, cucumber and tomato, it was absolutely drowned in vinegar, to the point that some reviewers couldn’t eat it. A bit of a let down because it looked delicious when it arrived in front of us.

My face after trying the salad

The Derrimut Skyes parma is absolutely fantastic, the club itself is beautiful, the staff are friendly and coming in at $19.50 its not too bad on the price scale, (and for bargain hunters, Friday from 6-7pm is Toss the Boss, flip a coin when you order a drink and if you get it right you drink for free). If it weren’t for the lackluster sides it would be in contention for the top spot however there were a couple of issues that knocked it down, don’t get me wrong - Get in your car and head to Derrimut Skyes tonight, this is a parma that every parma lover in Melbourne has to try - absolutely fantastic and one I would go back for any day of the week, It would be the perfect finisher after a few rounds of golf on a lazy afternoon.

Parma - 8.96
Chips - 6.38
Salad - 5.33
Value - 7.08
Total - 7.34

The search continues…

Derrimut Skyes on Urbanspoon

Attempt #43 - 'The Penny Black'

 

[info]

When? - 16th of March, 2011

Where? - The Penny Black. 420 Sydney Rd. Brunswick

Price? - $19.90 regular menu, $12 Parma Monday

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.thepennyblack.com.au/

Reviewers - Bec, Brad, Lee, Luke, Nikki[/info]

 

I’ll start by saying I really like The Penny Black. As a pub I frequent quite often I was really hoping they served up a good parma, as I would feel ashamed turning up this weekend after giving them a bad review.

The Penny Black is an interesting pub, Situated inside a building that was once a post office - hence the name of the pub being taken from the name of a vintage stamp. Upon walking in the door it could easily be dismissed as ‘just another indie pub’ complete with a selection of board games or Kurt Vonnegut books available behind the bar, but through the doors by the bar there hides a massive beer garden, easily twice the size of the indoor section, complete with an outdoor bar, and heaps of tables.

I would say that The Penny Black is a well kept secret, but in recent months the word seems to have gotten out and its hard to get in the door on a Friday or Saturday night. Luckily Wednesday was pretty quiet and we got a table easily, we took our seats and placed our parma orders - $19.90 off the regular menu, but The Penny Black also offers a $12 parma Monday that would be good to keep in mind.

Wednesday night was $12 steak night (apparently a tradition on Sydney Rd) and the steaks coming out of the kitchen looked pretty damn appetising, as did the burgers (Thursday is $12 Burger night), hopes were high for this weeks chicken parmigiana.

After a short wait the parmas arrived…

Parmas always look worse in photos when I have to use the flash - It was dark at The Penny Black, so flash was necessary, but I assure you it looked tasty in reality

For those curious, the photo without flash looked something like this -

mmmm… delicious

The schnitzel, while a little small on circumference, was thick as buggery, over an inch thick of pure breast for the majority of the parma. The topping coverage was great with almost zero schnitzel nudity and a slice of ham that didn’t overpower everything else, the napoli was a little bit thick and tomato paste-ish for my liking but it held together well. The only complaint would be the parma was bordering on overcooked, not burnt, but getting there. This made the cornflake crumbs it was coated in very hard, almost rough on the tongue. I also want to issue an official checkyatemps.org warning on the Penny Black parma, this thing was bloody hot, so much so I had to let it cool for a minute before I could properly dig in, not that this is a negative, I’d rather a parma that is too hot than one that is too cold.

The chips were shoestring, McDonalds-esque fries. There was a big serving (both under the parma, out on their own, and even a little under the salad) and very well seasoned. I’m not normally big on shoestring fries with a parma, but if they all came out like this I could definitely be persuaded to convert.

The salad was also a big serving, but there wasn’t much of it. Consisting of rocket, onion, tomato, a single slice of cucumber and a splashing of dressing it was tasty but not really substantial, not bad but not wow’ing us either. Although in saying that Reviewer Bec made me promise to not that the tomatoes in the salad were particularly good, so yay for the tomatoes.

As I said at the start of the review I love The Penny Black, and I am so glad that I wasn’t disappointed by their parma - If they serve up the same quality parma on their Monday $12 special it would be one to put on your ‘must try’ list, but at $19.90 it is a little on the expensive side. The pub itself is a great live music venue with what is possibly Melbourne’s best beer garden out the back. Whether its for a sneaky pint after work or dinner on either Parma (Monday), Pizza (Tuesday), Steak (Wednesday), Burger (Thursday) or Roast (Sunday) night, its definitely a place you should check out.

Parma - 7.5
Chips - 7.7
Salad - 4.9
Value - 6
Total - 6.72

The search continues…

The Penny Black on Urbanspoon

Attempt #42 - 'The Carron'

[info]

When? - 10th of March, 2011

Where? - The Carron, 398 Spencer St. Melbourne

Price? - $12 Parma Thursday, $18 regular menu

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.thecarron.com.au/

Reviewers - Cale, Emma, Janet, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Stefo[/info]

** NOTE - This pub has closed! Parma no longer available - Review will stay up for posterity. Enjoy!

The last time I was at the Carron was for pre-drinks the last time AC/DC were in town. The Carron, as a pub, is perfect for times like this - A stones throw from Colonial Stadium Telstra Dome Etihad Stadium, The Carron is a great little pub for pre footy/concert/Disney on ice drinks. I had heard they offer up a pretty decent parma, and as icing on the cake the Carron offer up a $12 Parma Thursdays. So we delayed our usual parma Wednesday 24 hours and headed to the Carron to see what they had on offer.

Other than some people sitting out in the sun on the little balcony thing they have going out the front, the Carron was pretty quiet when we arrived. We claimed our table then went to the bar to place our order - one thing I would suggest to the Carron management is to put more staff on. Every time I went to the bar to either order our meals or get a drink I found the bar unmanned and had to wait valuable minutes for someone to come out of the kitchen and serve. frustrating. However we ordered our parmas and in a fairly short time they were marched out of the kitchen.

I was pleasantly surprised when the plates hit the table, discount parma nights have a habit of being sub-par but the golden brown beauty that laid before me begged to differ. One or two out of the 7 parmas that were served suffered from slight slippery cheese, there was extremely minimal schnitzel nudity and it was a little on the small side but other than that the meal that laid before us was damn appetizing. The schnitzel was of decent thickness, nothing special but certainly nothing to complain about. There was a hearty coverage of napoli, ham and golden brown cheese. My only complaint would be that at times the crumbs tasted a little processed, but it was all in all a great tasting parma

The chips were standard chunky chips - middle of the road (a trait that has been common with chips lately) a little on the minimal serving scale but nothing to really complain about here, although they could have used a bit of seasoning

The salad was big and salubrious, taking up a large portion of the plate. It looked very promising as a mix of Lettuce, cucumber, capsicum, tomato, carrot and onion. Unfortunately there was no detectable dressing other than a splash of oil and it left what could have been a fantastic side dish wanting.

The Carron has a great atmosphere, a great location and on Thursday nights a fantastic parma! A glance at the website tells me that on their non-parma nights the meal goes for $18, a price I’d happily pay for what was served up, having it for $12 on Thursdays is just gravy, It only lost points for the run of the mill chips, a schnitzel that was a little on the small side and a beautiful looking salad that squandered its potential. Don’t let that put you off though, The Carron offers up a fantastic parma that I’d be happy to try again any day of the week.

Parma - 7.79
Chips - 5.21
Salad - 5.14
Value - 8.57
Total -6.90

The search continues…

Carron Tavern on Urbanspoon

Attempt #41 -'The Peacock Inn Hotel'

[info]

When? - 2nd of March, 2011

Where? - The Peacock Inn Hotel, 210 High St. Northcote.

Price? - $17 Wednesday Trivia Players Special, $21 normally

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.peacockinnhotel.com.au/

Reviewers - Lee & Nikki[/info]

I will start this weeks review by reporting a tragedy.

A few blocks from the Peacock Inn, one of my favourite pieces of street art used to reside -

I only discovered this gem a couple of months ago, and on the drive past on the way to the Peacock Inn last night I saw that someone had torn off all the girls cards, legs and most of her torso. You will be missed, Random girl dropping playing cards… You will be missed.

We arrived at the peacock just on 7pm, it was a little hard to find a park on High St. itself so we wound up parking a little bit down Bastings street, the corner of which the Peacock resides on. On the walk from the car to the pub I got a glimpse of a very impressive looking beer garden before walking around the front of the pub and through the front doors, into the first room of the Peacock - the Cafe. I initially mistook the cafe for a gastro-pub dining room, much like the one at the Metropolitain, as it has the same classy look & feel to it, but a check of the website moments ago proved me wrong. We headed through the back of the cafe into the main bar. I was impressed, heaps of space, fireplace, pool table, couches and an abundance of table space, the Main bar at the Peacock has an old school pub charm but at the same time has been beautifully renovated to a great little space, and I haven’t even gotten to the amazing beer garden yet. We didn’t spend much time in the beer garden as it was getting rather chilly, however it was definitely impressive. Heaps of tables, an abundance of space, even speakers & TV’s out there to broadcast the Quiz Meisters trivia (that would soon be kicking off) right out to the back of the garden.

We took our seats and got a gander at the menu, $21 for a choice of chicken or veal parma. However we weren’t sitting for more than 3 minutes before one of the staff members approached and asked if we were partaking in the nights trivia, we said yes and he handed us a little sheet of paper with the following information on it…

“TRIVIA PLAYERS SPECIAL FOR 2011

Chicken or Veal Parma & Pint of Bulmers, Carlton, Cascade Light or Softie

$17.00”

Friggin score! A pint of Bulmers on its own can run around $7.50 these days, which means the Peacock parma’s price point (unintentional quadruple alliteration FTW) hit just under $10 including free trivia! it was settled, I loved the pub, I loved the special, I love trivia, It was on. We ordered our parmas, collected our pints of Bulmers and awaited their arrival.

In the time it took us to discover all this, the Peacock had filled up fast the place was packed so I would definitely recommend a booking if you were planning to give it a try.

We signed up for trivia. Trying to stay anonymous as we always do, we avoided calling ourselves ‘Team Parma Daze’ or anything like that, so Team ‘Fist pumping like champs’ was the obvious second choice. With 15 minutes before trivia kickoff our parmas were delivered.

The first thing that hit me about the Peacocks parma was the colour - it was very dark and looked as if all the crumbs had been burnt. I really wanted to like this parma so I gave them the benefit of the doubt and hoped they had just put a different spice in the crumbs to give them that dark colour, Unfortunately I think both outcomes were true.

The edges, where there was a little nudity, were burnt, I believe the crumbs were naturally dark in some places due to the types of crumbing used, but there were definitely some burnt edges, The chicken underneath the crumbs was fantasic, pure chicken breast - thick and juicy. There was plenty of cheese, ham and napoli on top of the breast, however I have a suspicion that our parmas had spent some time in the tanning salon (aka under the heat lamps) as the cheese had gone a little hard and rubbery. The parma had a good flavour, but the crumbs are definitely where it lost points, they didn’t have any hold on the chicken and just flaked off whenever they were touched, leaving a slowly growing pile of crumbs to the side of the plate.

The chunky chips were very well salted and in a pretty decent serving, and if that wasn’t enough there was a table at the front of the bar that held caddies of salt, pepper and the sauce trifecta (Tomato, Mustard & BBQ). Unfortunately they were served underneath the parma (a tactic that is unfortunately commonplace these days), I tried to save them by lifting the parma off as soon as it had arrived, but the damage had been done and a few had already gone soggy. Most of them had avoided the sogginess however and the ones that came out unscathed were pretty damn good.

The salad was one of the most imaginative we have seen in awhile, a welcome change from the standard garden salad we seem to have been stuck with, served to the side of the parma was a mixture of Lettuce, onion, cucumber, tomato, capsicum and olives, served in what I could only describe as a very sweet, almost honey soy-esque dressing.

As we finished our meals the Quiz Meisters kicked off their trivia night, The last time we encountered the Quiz Meisters was at Sentido Funf, and they never fail at putting on a good show, definitely worth sticking around for trivia if you are there on a Wednesday night. Unfortunately team ‘Fist Pumping Like Champs’ didn’t do to well, as there are clearly some people there who take their quiz meisters very seriously. Also, people who use their iPhones at pub trivia comps are total cheaters, I mean c’mon guys, I walked into the dunny to find 3 people on their phones looking up answers!

I really wanted to like the Peacocks parma, and if it weren’t for the overcooked crumbs and the heat lamps it would have been an amazing night! the Wednesday deal of $17 Parma, pint & Trivia is very tough to beat and it still wins points on value, the salad was different but by no means bad, and the chips had potential. I would definitely come back and give them another chance, hopefully they just had an off night. I definitely recommend ducking in, if only to check out the beer garden. Everyone loves a beer garden!

Parma - 6.00
Chips - 5.50
Salad - 5.00
Value - 7.50
Total - 6

The search continues…

Peacock Inn on Urbanspoon

It has definitely been a big week for the Parma Daze twitter, lets check in with the official ‘Parma Daze Twitter Situation’

It has been a great week for the Twitter Situation, since last weeks post we have jumped from only four followers to NINE! that is over 100% growth, but sadly the Situation is apparently a hard one to please. While being firmly out of a sad situation he is seems to still be very confused as to why more people aren’t following the Parma Daze Twitter, I mean I know we aren’t Charlie Sheen or anyone cool like that, but if you could find it in your heart to follow us you will make The Situation a very happy one!

Attempt #40 - 'The Sugar Gum Hotel'

[info]

When? - 23rd of February, 2011

Where? - The Sugar Gum Hotel, Cnr. Melton Hwy & Gourlay Rd, Hillside

Price? - $19.50 in the Bistro

Barry? - No, but lots of other entertainment

Website? - None

Reviewers - Adam, Bec, Lee, Luke, Nikki, Tanya[/info]

I remember back when they built the Sugar Gum it was in the middle of freakin nowhere - Urban sprawl hadn’t quite reached it yet and I remember my parents saying ‘Why would you want to go to a pub all the way out here?’ Fast forward a few years and it is surrounded by suburbia. With Watergardens shopping center down the road and houses as far as the eye can see, The Sugar Gum is a pub in prime position for the locals of the area. Having seen it many times on drives up to the country, it stuck in my mind as a place to try where they might do a good parma, So we loaded up the parma bus and headed down the Melton Hwy. to the Sugar Gum Hotel (Or ‘tavern’ depending on who you ask)

The place is huge, with ample parking, large sports bar, TAB, pool tables, jukebox, pokies, spacious bistro and kids room full of arcade games, there are a plethora of options for entertainment (except for Barry, unfortunately). The staff are extremely friendly and helpful, however the drinks range is pretty standard, no Bulmers on tap unfortunately and the Jim Beam stubbies were bordering on criminally expensive ($10.50 each - I don’t like paying over $10 for a drink if it doesn’t have at least one piece of fruit & an umbrella in it)

We took our seats in the bistro and ordered our parma’s at the bar ($19.50 with a Thursday $15 parma night). I was freaking starving so the wait seemed a little long, but it could’ve just been my hunger distorting my perception of time - it happens.

When it first arrived, the parma looked pretty good, there was some minor nude schnitzel around the edges and the cheese was a little overcooked (bordering on burnt around the edges) but so far no unforgivable offenses, the schnitzel was big and thick, so we tucked in. Unfotunately the whole parma smacked of being processed, the chicken, the crumbs, the napoli, the ham and the cheese all tasted pre-packaged. All the ingredients of a parma were there on the plate, however it had no soul, no flavour and in the end it left us wanting. also, towards the end of the parma (after it had a few minutes to sit) the cheese turned into Mr. Fantastic from The Fantastic 4, extremely rubbery.

While we’re on the subject, how much of an ego must this guy have to name himself ‘Mr. Fantastic’ just because he can stretch. All the other members of the Fantastic 4 chose names that reflected their powers, I can imagine the meeting in which they chose their superhero names going something like this…

“Okay Sue, you can turn invisible so we will call you the ‘Invisible Woman’. easy. Johnny, you can burst into flame at will so ‘The Human Torch’ is pretty self explanatory, Ben, you got turned into an orange-rock-thing, lets go with ‘The Thing’ for you and me … well, I can stretch my body parts like an elastic band, hmmm, Elastic Man? no … Rubber Man? nahh, I know!, seeing as I am pretty fucking fantastic, I’ll just call myself ‘Mister Fantastic’. perfect. Any complaints? Ben, stop crying…”

Moving on.

The chips hidden underneath the parma were great, toeing the line somewhere between shoestring fries and regular chips. They were fresh, crispy, well seasoned and in abundant supply, the chips were definitely the star of this meal.

The garden salad (made up of lettuce, carrot, onion, cucumber & tomato) looked great when it landed in front of us, however it didn’t really hold up when it came to taste, much like the parma itself there wasn’t anything particularly wrong with it, but it just came across as bland and flavourless.

The Sugar Gum is a great little spot and some of the other meals I saw going past while waiting for ours looked pretty damn impressive. Unfortunately as I said earlier, the parma offered up by the Sugar Gum lacked any flair, It was a cookie cutter parma that didn’t quite carry any flavour and for $19.50 I expect something more. I would definitely consider going back for a $15 parma on their Thursday parma night, as from what I could gather they do some novelty parmas on occasion then, perhaps some extra toppings would give it the flair it needs to get over the line. you do want to express yourself don’t you Sugar Gum?

Parma - 5.75
Chips - 7.17
Salad - 3.33
Value - 5.50
Total - 5.50

The search continues…

Sugar Gum Hotel on Urbanspoon

The Parma Daze Twitter is still going strong! we have a few more followers now so it isn’t as much of a sad situation as it was last week, lets check it out on the newly created…

As you can see its almost out of the ‘Sad Situation’ category, however its still a pretty unhappy and somewhat confused situation, please follow our twitter and do your part to help the situation.

 

Attempt #39 - 'Cushion Lounge'

Photos of this place are frakking impossible to find online, so I snapped this while crossing the road, narrowly avoiding getting cleaned up by an oncoming tram

[info]

When? - 15th of February, 2011

Where? - Cushion Lounge, 99 Fitzroy St. St. Kilda

Price? - $10 ‘Parma n’ Pot’ Tuesdays, $17 regular menu

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.cushionlounge.com.au/

Reviewers - Adam, Lee, Nikki, Tanya, Wade[/info]

My memories of Cushion are a drunken blur, an establishment that I have only been to as an after-bar after a long, long night on the town. I have vague memories of shots, cocktails and floors so sticky that I lost my shoes on multiple occasions.

However a couple of weekends ago I was attending my sisters wedding at the lovely Circa on Fitzroy St, and on the way to the reception the cab happened to pause at the large specials board outside Cushion, advertising their Tuesday night special - Pot n’ Parma for $10. The challenge was set, We moved our usual Wednesday parma night to a Tuesday one and last night we headed to St. Kilda to see what they had to offer.

We were told on the phone the night before that Cushion don’t take bookings, so we rocked up a little earlier than usual to ensure we got a table big enough for all the diners - carparking was an issue, but we managed to find a handy underground park at the nearby Metropol building and walked down - the five large outdoor tables were already packed with people getting their after work parma fix, so hopes were high that we would finally find the elusive combination of both cheap and good.

Inside the pub was relatively empty, apart from a few groups scattered around, who were also munching on chickeny goodness (chickeny is too a word!) we managed to score primo seating at the large wooden table to the left of the entrance, perfect.

I downed a pint of Bulmers while waiting for the team to arrive, and once they did we ordered our parmas at the bar, the ‘free pot’ extends to either carlton draught, soft drink or house wine, so beers were poured and we returned to our table to await our meal.

While waiting I had a chance to try and classify what exactly Cushion was… its not a pub, nor is it a restaurant or even a cafe, although it borrows aspects from all three. I think the best thing to call it is a nightclub on a quiet night - the concrete floors (not as sticky as I remember them), the boarded up DJ booth, the shiny disco ball hanging above the tables, the signs directing patrons to the smokers area and the cocktail list with entries such as ‘Love Potion 69’ are all hallmarks of the club-turned-restaurant to fill seats on an off night. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, The Prince of Wales had all of these features and yet we still rate it as the best parma we have ever eaten.

After a short wait, our parmas arrived

The schnitzel was kinda small and devoid of ham, I have been trying to avoid the whole ‘schnitzel nudity as people nudity’ joke lately as I think I’ve kinda been running it into the ground, but the lack of cheese on this parma pushed this thing to X rated, full frontal, with penetration, nudity, I would call it the Jesse Jane of chicken parmas, but the breasts weren’t that big, so lets call this one the Jenna Haze of schnitzel nudity

Okay that was the bad, the good however, is that the schnitzel, while kinda small was actually real chicken breast, the napoli sauce was delicious and the cheese that was there was pretty tasty, as a whole the parma worked well.

Before I get to the chips, I was thinking about this as I was writing the review - why is it there are so many porn stars who have names starting with the letter J - Jesse Jane, Jenna Jameson, Jenna Haze, Jill Kelly, Jordan Capri, Jenavive Jolie, Jayden James … I’m sure theres four or five out there with the sirname ‘Juggs’, the list goes on! I’m sure theres a scientific reason for it, maybe its just a mystery for the ages.

But I digress…

The chips were one of the few we have come across that were actually set beside the parma as opposed to underneath, This kept them hot, fresh and crispy the entire meal, a decent serving and seasoned with chicken salt, the chips were fresh, crisp, thick and tasty.

The garden salad seemed a bit of an afterthought, comprising of lettuce, onion, carrot and cucumber, we had to struggle to determine if there was dressing on it. The veggies were fresh but as a whole it was a bit dry without dressing, and although I’m not a fan of tomato myself, I was surprised to see it not included in the mix.

The Cushion parma, while a bit on the small side, was actually pretty damn good! the chips were great, and apart from some minor cheese related issues so was the parma. We had this parma on their Tuesday night special of $10 with a free pot, on their regular menu this parma clocks in at $17, which, to be honest, I would be less than stoked to pay for what we got. But as far as budget parma nights go, this is pretty damn good and I would definitely recommend stopping in for dinner if you are in the area on a Tuesday - for only $10 its great value and hard to go wrong.

Oh, one last thing - I’d normally put this after the scores, but the situation is getting kinda sad (not the guy from Jersey Shore, he is always happy)

The Parma Daze Twitter has been going for a week now and its only got three followers (one of whom is my personal account, the other is one of the reviewers and the third is some sort of german spam site) I see the google analytics stats guys, I know there are a lot of people reading this! go check it out and follow (please … this isn’t doing good things for my self esteem)

Its good! I swear!

Parma - 6.9
Chips - 6.4
Salad - 4.6
Value - 8.1
Total - 6.58

The search continues…

Cushion Lounge on Urbanspoon

Attempt #38 - 'The Blarney Stone'

[info]

When? - 9th of February, 2011

Where? - The Blarney Stone, 35 Anderson St. Yarraville

Price? - We paid $17.50 but there are other options, check the review for more info

Barry? - Yes

Website? - None

Reviewers - Cale, Lee, Ness, Nikki[/info]

**UPDATE** The Blarney Stone has closed its doors, and been replaced with the newly redone Railway Hotel. Luckily, we've had that one too! Check out the full review of the Railway Here

At the start of the review I would normally give props to whomever it was that recommended us to a venue for a parma, but I can’t for the life of me remember how the Blarney Stone entered our radar. So whoever you are out there, mystery recommender, I thank you for recommending.

I was unsure how many reviewers would be attending this weeks review, so we went to the Blarney Stone without a booking (the last two times we have done this have been disasterous, so I was on edge). We entered via the side entrance straight into the relatively empty bistro (phew) and took a seat at the first available table, Checked the menu and the parma was there ($17.50), however when I went to the bar to order some drinks I noticed the bar menu was completely different to the bistro menu, and the bar menu offered both a $13 Chicken Parma and a Bolognaise sauce variety known as the ‘Blarney Parma’ (not quite sure of the price of this one, I want to say $14.50, but don’t hold me to that). The bar meals were not allowed to be eaten in the bistro, so we had a choice to make.

On further inspection of the menus we noticed that the bistro’s parma was called ‘Chicken breast chicken parma’, however the bar menu choices made no mention of chicken breast. Being a breast man myself (ba dum ching!) I was more than happy to pay the extra $4.50 for the chicken breast, as opposed to the mystery chicken served on the bar menu. Oh, and they also do a $10 parma night in the bar on Thursdays … confused yet? I know I am!

We ordered our parmas and grabbed our first pints. The Blarney is a huge pub, With a massive public bar area (with Barry & TAB at the front) and equally spacious bistro it would be hard to fill this place up. It is Irish-themed (as the name would suggest) but not as ‘in your face’ Irish as some other pubs we’ve visited. The staff were friendly & the place had a good vibe, I’d be happy to return for a pint or two some other time

Some of the reviewers ordered a pre-parma garlic bread (always a good decision), shortly after they had polished that off our main course arrived.

I have upgraded a little from iPhone cam…

The parma’s arrived and the first thing I noticed was a bad case of slippery cheese on mine (for the newbies, “slippery cheese” is when the cheese re-melts and slides off the ham if the parma is set at too much of an angle) The other reviewers weren’t as affected by this, so we tucked in.

The chicken breast was real chicken breast (as the menu suggested) while a little small, it was thick, juicy and, other than being slightly undercooked, hard to fault. unfortunately after that it starts to fall apart, the crumbs were extremely soggy, so much so that when I made the initial transition of my parma off the chips to level ground, many of the crumbs from the underside of the chicken stayed behind, having firmly fused themselves to the chips. The napoli was extremely minimal, when you have to resort to lifting up the ham to check if there is any napoli there at all you know you’ve wandered into bad territory. I can’t complain about the ham, it did its job perfectly, except (as I mentioned earlier) it failed to hold my cheese in place, and most of the cheese ended up in the south western quadrant of my parma - although this may have been an isolated incident as other reviewers didn’t seem to be as afflicted as I was by the slippery cheese menace.

There was a decent serving of well cooked (and somehow crumbed) chips hiding under the parma, they were crispy, tasty and pretty much served their life purpose of chips very adequately, nothing really to write home about with these boys! standard middle-of-the-road chips

The garden salad, consisting of rocket, lettuce, tomato, cucumber & onion was well portioned, however one thing put us off … the dressing. It is a little blurry, and hard to describe, but imagine a substance that tastes like balsamic vinegar, yet has the consistency & look of the peanut satay sauce you get at Thai restaurants as an accompaniment to chicken skewers. looking through the photos I snapped last night, this seems to be the clearest shot of it I got

We had never come across it before, and it tasted fine, but the look of it put some reviewers off.

After our parma we moved into the public bar for a couple of games of Barry … We were friggin close to winning $100 on a game of Cluedo before getting a freaking impossible question, something about the date of formation of the Canadian Orchestra if I remember correctly, then calling an end to our evening!

The Blarney Stone parma has so much potential, the chicken breast they are using is absolutely fantastic, all they need is a few minor, yet very important tweaks to their parma construction process and they would have a great meal on their hands, unfortunately they aren’t quite there yet. But a great pub that I’d definitely stop back into for a pint and some Barry.

Parma - 6.25
Chips - 5.25
Salad - 4.13
Value - 4.75
Total - 5.33

The search continues…

Blarney Stone Irish Pub on Urbanspoon

Attempt #37 - 'The Cornish Arms'

[info]

When? - 2nd of February, 2011

Where? - The Cornish Arms, 163A Sydney Rd, Brunswick

Price? - $18 (With a $12 ‘parma night’ on Sundays)

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.cornisharms.com.au/

Reviewers - Carly, Giese, Kylie, Lee, Matt, Shanan, Tanya[/info]

I was thrown when I called to reserve a table at the Cornish Arms as I was asked if I wanted to be seated at the 6:30 or 8:30 sitting … seeing as our weekly review traditionally starts at 7 I went for the 6:30 session and asked the reviewers to attend a tad earlier. Why the restricted seating options you may ask? Well unbeknownst to me Wednesday night is the Cornish Arms’ ‘$12 steak night’, and I must say the people of Brunswick must love their steak, because this place was packed.

The Cornish is an impressively renovated pub, with leather bench seats across the walls, a beautiful beer garden out the back and a spacious, well stocked main bar manned by casual and friendly staff, really adding to the laid back atmosphere of the place.

The menu is impressive, Apart from nightly food specials (including a $12 ‘Parma Sunday’) the bar toes the line between a gastro pub and friendly local, I must say the steaks looked delicious and I have it on good authority that the pizza nights are equally impressive.

However we weren’t there for pizzas or steak, we were there for parmas. We placed our orders at the bar ($18), collected our drinks and took our seats - one oddity was that after we placed our order a staff member came to the table to also take our order, Reviewer Matt who arrived late placed his order with her, and he was given the option of veggies instead of salad - an option we were not offered when ordering at the bar. This prompted Reviewer Carly to change her order to veggies as opposed to salad, no dramas there.

After a fairly short wait, our meals arrived (I had heard rumors of slow service at the Cornish, so I was pleasantly surprised at how promptly our parmas arrived, especially since the place was quite busy).

I’m always amazed at how much a few green flakes makes a parma look so much more appetising. The Schnitzel was fairly wide and pounded flat, not too thin though however they were a little bit heavy on the corn-flake crumbs. When it first arrived I thought it looked rather standard in size however this is the first time in awhile that I’ve actually struggled to clean my plate, somehow this entry is amazingly filling without appearing so!

There was minor schnitzel nudity around the edges but the areas that had cheese had a lot of it. The napoli was good but there wasn’t enough of it, and it left the parma a little dry in areas. The star of this meal however, was the substitution of bacon instead of ham - an option we haven’t come across in our reviews as yet and I must say I was impressed! It is a well known fact that bacon makes everything better,( see bacon soap, bacon vodka and bacon lollipops ) parmas are no deviation from this rule and the inclusion of bacon on the parma is a stroke of genius. Although in saying that I know some people in the world don’t have the same love of bacon that I do (weirdos) and it might be nice to be given the option of bacon or no bacon.

There was a pretty big serving of chips hiding underneath the parma, however they were totally unseasoned and went a little soggy after living underneath the parma for awhile, salt shakers were provided on the table to remedy this and they were able to be partially brought back to life.

The salad was also supplied in a hefty serving, a garden salad served with Lettuce, sprouts, cabbage, tomato, onion, cumber & balsamic. Opinion was varied on the salad as it seems some people got more dressing than others, and the dressing really has the power to make or break a garden salad.

The Cornish serves up a damn tasty parma, I kind of regret that we didn’t hit it on their Sunday parma night, as if what we were served last night was the same as what would come out on a Sunday for only $12 it is definitely a winner. I highly recommend a reservation if you are going down on a Wednesday or you run the risk of not getting a seat, but it is worth it.

Parma - 7.79
Chips - 5.29
Salad - 5.21
Value - 6.43
Total - 6.5

The search continues…

Cornish Arms Hotel on Urbanspoon

A big thanks to the guys over at Melbournepubs.com for giving us yet another plug on their facebook page, you guys are the best and thanks for the support!

For all those who haven’t heard, Cyclone Yasi is currently wreaking havock to the north coast of Australia in the worst storm of this kind to hit the area in 100 years, our thoughts go out to all those affected by this disaster, stay safe guys!

Finally for the past few years (long before this little parma site was around) Myself and a couple of mates have been running Inner Coma, an online T-shirt store. I’ll be your bestest friend if you click over and take a look!

If you have read this far you are a true fan - here are some boobs for your effort  (oYo)

damn thats hot, I should mark this entry NSFW.

Attempt #35 - 'Sentido Funf'

[info]

When? - 19th of January, 2011

Where? - 243 Gertrude St. Fitzroy

Price? - $9 Parma Wednesday ($17.50 all other times)

EDIT 21/09/11 - Sources inform me that this parma Wednesday deal now sells for $10, still great value!

Barry? - No

Website? - http://sentidofunf.com.au/

Reviewers - Adam, Cale, Lee, Matt, Ness, Nikki, Tanya[/info]

When I told the group we were going to ‘Sentido Funf’ for a parma there were a lot of blank stares followed by ‘…where?’ but this little pub in Fitzroy has a big secret.

From the outside you wouldn’t look twice at Sentido Funf, as you can see from the photo above it doesn’t look like much, inside there is an unassuming little bar (with a great beer selection as well as a stellar cocktail list) and some tables scattered around. We took our reserved seat inside and sat for all of 60 seconds before deciding that we should move, where? to Sentido Funf’s best feature - The beer garden.

Following the door past the bar will lead you out the back to the beer garden, an indoor/outdoor expanse easily twice the size of the front bar itself, the beer garden is the place to be.

We ordered our parmas at the front bar and took our seats out the back amongst the trees, after a few minutes of waiting we realised that as well as being $9 Parma night, it was also Quiz Meisters Trivia night. Free to enter the Quiz Meisters put on a great trivia comp, the perfect accompaniment to a chicken parma (other than garlic bread … I love garlic bread).

It took a while to get all the teams sorted for trivia so by the time the competition started we had mostly all finished our parmas - so lets review!

The perspective of the photo may be confusing, but this parma is served on a skinny, oval shaped plate with salad to the side and a decent heaping of shoestring fries under a massive hunk of chicken.

The parma was wide but fairly thin with a minor case of slippery cheese and minor burning around the edges, not a hell-worthy tresspass. The schnitzel was pre-fab chicken that to be honest was a little disappointing, the breast was dry, stringy and at times was rather hard to cut through (although dull knives and being perched on the chips didn’t help with this issue). The toppings for the parma, however, were very good - with generous helpings of napoli, ham and cheese they were the saving grace for this meal.

The skinny plate made it hard to maneuver the chicken around to be eaten properly without losing chips to the table, but being rather experienced at this we managed to get it done. 

The chips that were hiding under the parma were surprisingly good, there was actually a decent serving of fries hiding underneath the chicken - well seasoned, fresh shoestring fries that are very similar to those served at McDonalds … not that there’s anything wrong with that.

The garden salad to the side was simple and fresh, with actual lettuce as opposed to just wilted leaves as well as cucumber strips, onions and shredded carrots. I couldn’t quite pick what dressing was used, but it had a very refreshing citrus tang.

After the food, team ‘Jimmy Rowes’ kicked off trivia, the Quiz Meisters do a great job of keeping things different and interesting with their variety of media questions, we managed to win a free jug of beer in the ‘Pick the Wags’ competition in which we had to identify Ten male celebrities based on photos of their wives/girlfriends, we got 9/10, I’m not sure whether to be proud or ashamed that we won that round.

Reviewer Tanya enjoys our winnings

In the end I think we came in about 4th or 5th, no prize but we had an awesome time playing, it was fun, exciting and (most importantly) kept us drinking!

For only $9 with free trivia its very hard to complain about Sentido Funf’s parma, and if it weren’t for the disappointing schnitzel quality they would be serving up a stellar meal in a very impressive gem of a pub!

Sentido Funf is one of those pubs that you wouldn’t know existed if you didn’t know it existed … if that makes any sense. It is a wonderful little spot and I definitely recommend going down before word gets out and it gets insanely popular - which will definitely happen. I saw some of other meals going past as we played trivia and they looked pretty amazing - the burger in particular looked legendary, definitely one I would try in the future.

In the end the meal was secondary to the fun we had playing, when you are in a good mood everything seems better and it made the poor quality chicken actually seem not as bad. 

I took this picture of the beer garden/trivia game in action and couldn’t find a way to work it into the article … so its going at the end!

Parma - 5.07
Chips - 5.86
Salad - 5.36
Value - 7.14
Total - 5.70

The search continues…

Sentido Funf on Urbanspoon

Attempt #34 - 'Coopers Inn'

[info]

When? - 22nd of December, 2010

Where? - 282 Exhibition St. Melbourne

Price? - $17.50 (Tuesday $12 special available

Barry? - Yes

Website? - http://www.coopersinn.com.au/

Reviewers - Cale, Janet, Lee, Ness, Nikki, Stefo[/info]

 

The old saying goes ‘better late than never’, I really hope that is true and you don’t all hate me for getting this review up so unbelievably late.

Cast your minds back to the Wednesday before Christmas. There was excitement in the air, as well as a lot of hangovers as the work Christmas party season was upon us, and it was no different for the Parma Daze team. We rocked up at the Coopers Inn for our last parma of 2010.

We arrived at the relatively empty pub and took our seats, a glance at the menu revealed a surprisingly great range of pub meals that almost lured a few reviewers off the path of the chicken parmigiana, but parmas are what we were there for, and parmas are what we ordered  (as well as a bowl of delicious wedges to nosh on beforehand - which came out piping hot and fresh).

price wise the parmas came to $17.50 each, we heard word of a $12 parma night on Tuesdays but unfortunately we were 24 hours late.

As it was our kind-of-Christmas-party we did what anyone would do … disrupt the whole pub by popping Christmas crackers!

The aftermath of the Christmas crackers

The ridiculously bad jokes kept us so entertained while we waited - comedy gold such as …

What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle Smells!

Why do ghosts live in the fridge? Because it’s cool!

And who could forget the classic…

Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had a low “elf” esteem!

It’s a good thing our parmas arrived after that last one, otherwise we may not have been able to continue with our review due to a severe case of split sides!

My first impression was that it was a big schnitzel, thick and juicy with a good covering of cheese (apart for some minor nudity around the edges after the ham had curled under the grill) On closer inspection the chicken breast was actually two schnitzels fused together with cheese, I have absolutely nothing against this move - the more chicken the better in my book!

The parma tasted great with a lot of cheese, subtle hint of ham and a decent amount of napoli between the two - and the sprinkling of herbs atop the cheese added an extra level flavour that we don’t often get with a parma.

The chips that were hiding under the massive parma were of a minimal serving, unseasoned and pretty much standard un-exciting chips.

The garden salad to the side was there for looks only, A few lettuce leaves with some sliced onion, cucumber and tomato on top (and when I say sliced I mean sliced  - so thin they barely held any taste).

All in all it was a great piece of chicken but was let down by little effort put into the sides. I would definitely go back to the Coopers Inn however, They have a great range of beers on tap and behind the bar, a great looking menu and if I were there on a Tuesday a piece of chicken that big is hard to beat for only $12.

So from myself and everyone else and the Parma Daze team we wish you a (very belated) Merry Christmas, an amazing new year, and I want to thank you all for making 2010 an absolutely awesome year. Thanks heaps for reading and we should now be back to our regular update schedule in what promises to be a parma-packed 2011!

Parma - 7
Chips - 3.92
Salad - 3.00
Value - 5.92
Total - 5.37

The search continues…

Coopers Inn on Urbanspoon

 

Attempt #33 'The Customs House Hotel'

 

[info]

When? - 15th of December, 2010

Where? - 161 Nelson Place. Williamstown

Price? - $15 Parma Wednesday, $21 regularly

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.customshousehotel.com.au/

Reviewers - Lee, Matt, Nikki[/info]

I love Willy (that is SO what she said). Williamstown is a beautiful spot with some amazing pubs and a great vibe, it’s kind of a hybrid of a beach town and a country town - yet close enough to the City to consider it local. We have been meaning to try a pub in Willy for some time and last night we gave it a go - Originally we had planned to hit up the Steam Packet Hotel but they were unfortunately booked out when I called to make the reservation earlier in the day, we redirected the parma bus around the block to The Customs House Hotel.

First of all, parking is a bitch! situated on the beautiful Williamstown waterfront we did at least 3 laps up and down before settling on a spot a considerable walk away, we entered the Customs House and took our seats at the table - this place is freaking huge! With a front bistro, lounge/bar area with a stage that seems perfect for a two man band to rock out some acoustic cover songs, second dining area out the back and another two massive function areas you’d never be short of a spot to rest your pot glass. We were seated in the front bistro, against the window overlooking the park across the road and the waterfront beyond that. We ordered our Parmas at the counter, not realising table service was also available. The menu laminated to the front counter said the parma was going for $21 with the option of as ‘aussie parma’ for $22, it wasn’t until after we settled the bill that we realised it was Parma Night (seemingly unadvertised) at the Customs house, dropping the meals down to $15 a piece - very reasonable.

Its been awhile since we’ve visited a pub that has had my favourite drink on tap, so imagine my delight when I saw the Bulmers logo shining in the sunlight. Pint in hand, we didn’t have to wait long at all for our meals to arrive

On first glance this parma looked tiny with lots of empty plate staring back at us, there was good topping coverage except for a strange ‘arm’ of chicken breast that was protruding out the side of my schnitzel, but it seems as if that was tucked underneath for the cheesing and only protruded after the parma was plated, so they can be forgiven for that slight showing of nude schnitz. As I said the parma looked small, until I cut into it, this was by far the thickest chicken breast we have experienced, I’ve had chicken kievs that were thinner- it was as if it had barely been hammered down at all and as a result was the most succulent chicken breast I’ve had in a long while. If The Laurel Hotel got a ‘juicy breast’ score of ‘Scarlett Johannson’, The Customs House hotel definitely gets a rating of ‘Katy Perry’ or higher

The crumb/chicken ratio was perfect (with homemade crumbs bringing them home) was a good coverage of napoli, although it was a little bland for my liking, with a heaping of ham and cheese to finish it off. Amazing parma, and for only $15 on a Wednesday its a very wallet-friendly outing.

The Chips were a beer battered chip/wedge hybrid that were absolutely delicious, unfortunately I got shafted and didnt get very many compared to the other reviewers (I counted fourteen total, its not often you can count how many chips you get on the plate) however even though there were few of them, they were all big, and I honestly don’t think I could’ve had many more even if they were on my plate.

The garden salad accompaniment looked amazing and I couldn’t wait to dig in, unfortunately it was all flash and not much substance, fresh and full of variety however the balsamic dressing they used was very light and could hardly be detected on the dish, also, I’m pretty sure I got all of the onions.

In the end I was pretty happy that the Steam Packet was booked out this week as the Customs House Hotel produced an absolutely amazing example of a chicken Parma. If you can I’d recommend hitting it on a Wednesday to get the $15 parma special and if its a nice night be sure to get a seat on the outdoor tables out the front. It is a gorgeous spot, a beautiful pub and a delicious parma - I’d be happy to return any day of the week.

Parma - 8.0
Chips - 6.6
Salad - 6.0
Value - 7.5
Total - 7.23

The search continues …

The Customs House Hotel on Urbanspoon

Attempt #32 -'The Junction Tabaret'

[info]

When? - 9th of December, 2010

Where? - 740 Mt. Alexander Rd. Moonee Ponds

Price? - $12 ‘Parma n Pot’ Thursdays

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.junctiontabaret.com.au/

Reviewers - Adam, Cale, Dale, Lee, Ness, Nikki, Pat, Sara, Shane, Stefo, Tanya[/info]

Oh no! another late update - castrate me and serve the remains to the dogs … I apologise, but had an absolutely massive weekend and didn’t have a chance to pump out the review. But I’m here now! so lets do this.

We had heard that the Junction did a great pot n’ parma special, and as it is literally just down the road from where the world’s best parma used to reside we figured it was well worth a shot.

We rocked up at the Junction and took our seats - the pub has been beautifully renovated (seemingly) very recently, with a spacious TAB up one end, large pokies room down the other and a thin bistro connecting the two - kind of imagine a ‘shake weight’ with the bistro on the grip, and without the obvious sexual innuendo

With the bistro being so long and thin it seemed a little cramped with not a lot of room for tables - but this may have been because our group of 11 reviewers took up a massive section of the room, but just to be safe if you plan to eat at the Junction I would advise making a booking.

Once the whole crew arrived we went to the bar to place our orders - once we got there we were presented with our ‘parma’s of the world’ menu and had to make a choice

Some interesting choices! I saw a Hawaiian go past and it looked pretty tasty - mayo would definitely be an interesting addition to a parma but unfortunately I’m not big on pineapple. Mexican is always a winner and the Asian parma just sounds weird, after a moment of consideration I decided to play it safe and go with the standard ‘Junction Parmy’ someone needs to tell the writers of this menu that we are in Victoria, not NSW or SA, down here its ParmA, not ParmY.

We ordered, gathered our included pots and headed into the pokies area, put on a ‘club keno’ ticket and used that to pass the time a little until the parmas arrived.

First of all, lets discuss a phenomenon that I haven’t mentioned before. We all know about nude schnitzel, the part of the chicken where no cheese, napoli or ham is sitting leaving exposed chicken schnitzel. The Junction’s parma wouldn’t have had any problems with nude schnitz if it weren’t for the unfortunate effect of what I have dubbed ‘slippery cheese’.

Slippery cheese occurs when a parma is made, stacked on an angle on top of the chips, then let sit under the heat lamps for a few minutes, the cheese gets the full force of the heat lamps and melts again, the napoli under the cheese acts as a lubricant and as the parma is on an angle gravity does the rest. The cheese slides away and what was once a decently dressed piece of schnitzel slowly reveals its shameful nudity, much like Tara Reid on a red carpet

Slippery cheese can easily be avoided in one of two ways - either don’t stack your parma on top of your chips or don’t let the parma sit under the heat lamps! If you are producing quality parmas neither of these would be an issue, but its definitely something to keep an eye out for.

Wow, massive digression.

Another clue that our parma had been victim of heat lamps was that the schnitzel itself wasn’t hot - I am unsure whether this was true of the other end of the table (who got their parmas last) but the first few that arrived came out lukewarm, not inedibly so, but a few more notches on the thermometer would have made a better parma. The schnitzel was small-ish in circumference but thick enough to be enjoyed. There was an abundance of napoli and cheese on the areas that weren’t victims of slippery cheese, but it seemed to harden rather quickly as it got out into the open air, leaving it a bit rubbery by the end of the meal. The ham was there, but not very noticeable, which can be either a good or bad thing depending on your opinion of ham.

The chips were fairly decent, a sprinking of chicken salt gave them a unique taste to what we have tried before - I would comment on the size if their serving but reviewer Pat seagull’ed a lot of them away before I got a chance to take note of the serving size (bastard).

The salad was poor, some wilted lettuce, a wedge of tomato and clumps of onion cut way too thick (and I’m normally pro-onion!) soaked in a very bitter white wine vinegar the salad was not a good accompaniment to the meal.

Opinion was varied on this parma, some rated it well and others rated it poorly - the opinion of the parma definitely seemed to change as we moved down the table so I can only attribute it to the parmas down our end coming out cold and the other end getting the piping hot fresh ones. If dining at the Junction’s ‘Parmas of the world’ night I would suggest getting one of the novelty parmas available to get full value out of your meal, as the plain parma was just that - plain. The price is perfect and for a $12 parma with a free pot I can’t complain too much, but when compared to last weeks attempt at The Albion Hotel ($13 with a pot and pretty darn amazing) it just didn’t quite cut it.

After our meal we headed into the pokies area to play the candy machine in there, pumped in $15 and took home a bag full of candy bars for desert, definite win there.

Parma - 5.5
Chips - 6.2
Salad - 4.3
Value - 7.3
Total - 5.75

The search continues…

Junction Hotel on Urbanspoon