Attempt #72 - 'The Skinny Dog Hotel: Redux'

Where? - The Skinny Dog Hotel, 155 High Street, Kew.

Price? – $20 Parmageddon Thursdays (with a pot) $25 all other days

Website? - http://www.skinnydoghotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Adam, Brendan, Cale, emma, Lee, Luke, Nikki, Pete

**UPDATE** WE REVISITED THE SKINNY DOG YET AGAIN FOR AN AUSTRALIA DAY AUSSIE PARMA SPECIAL! CHECK OUT OUR UPDATED THOUGHTS HERE

The Skinny Dog Hotel was one of our first parma attempts, our second “proper” attempt and our fifth overall (It took a couple of weeks to organize ourselves, build the website and work out how it was all going to work). We rocked up on the 12th of May 2010 without a booking, and … Well you can read about it Here.

Long story short, it didn’t go well. The chicken was undercooked, there was no salad to be found and we had to choose whether we wanted a small bowl of McDonald’s-style chips or a dollop of coleslaw. All those issues at a premium price led to a highly recommended parma sitting at the bottom of our ladder for quite some time (it got a slight score hike after the ‘You dont win friends with salad’ ruling of March 2011).

Now fast forward a year and a half. On the day of our attempt at Miss Libertine, I received an email.

An email from an employee of The Skinny Dog Hotel. Rather than try to explain its contents, I’ve decided to let you read it verbatim (omitting the name of the sender for privacy reasons) -

I liked this email, and I had even heard some discussion on the parma-vine that The Skinny Dog had upped their game since our last visit and had already considered going back. Getting an email saying that our review may have actually made a difference in the world of parmas and brought Skinny Dog back to its former glory - well that was an opportunity that couldn’t be passed up.

I had a chat to the lads at the attempt that night and they were down, we were heading to the Skinny Dog to do our first ever re-review.

You might as well call me George Lucas, ‘cause we’re going back and changing things!

It’s important to note that we didn’t rush straight back the next day, we waited a few weeks for the dust to settle, put out a misleading tweet yesterday about the location of the parma and even took the precaution of booking the table under a fake name, just to be sure they didn’t catch on that we were there (“Dr. Kenneth Noisewater” … not really, that would’ve been funny though). We wanted to see the Skinny Dog, but we made damn certain the Skinny Dog didn’t see us.

The pub has had some extra renovations since the last time we visited  - the beautifully renovated place has an impressive beer garden out the back (with its own bar), plenty of TV’s to catch some sport and a respectable beer selection with quite a few beers on tab and an assortment in stubbies in the fridge. The wine and cocktail (or ‘dogtail’) list is also quite decent - more details on the drinks list are on the pubs website. Since we arrived they have also added some more seating to the front bar, a pool table and the beer garden has undergone quite the transformation to turn it into a very attractive spot to have a pint or three on a Sunday arvo - very nice!

Much the same as our review at The Local the week before, we had a choice in front of us, as unbeknownst to us when we organized this attempt, Thursday at the Skinny Dog is known as ‘Parmageddon’ -

$5 cheaper than the regular price, with a free pot of Carlton and a choice of 6 parma ‘Alter Ego’s. Sexcellent!

(Sidenote, I really like the idea of calling different varieties of novelty parmas ‘alter ego’s … I think I’m gonna steal it. Thanks, Skinny Dog marketing team!)

I took a grab from the website so you can have a full explanation of what each creatively named alter ego represents -

It says on the poster above that ‘Each parma comes with crinkle cut chips and salad’, So we are already ahead of the last time we were here, and the parmas haven’t even hit the table yet!

I’m not a fan of the novelty parma on official attempts, and although ‘The Nadal’ looked freakin delicious I opted for the ‘Skinny Dogs Famous Parma’, Other reviewers were a little more adventurous, with Reviewer Adam having the Larrakin and Reviewer Brendan having the Angry Nadal, but most of us stuck to the basics and went with the classic parma.

Oh, Before I go on I have to mention this, We picked an hilarious typo on the parma menu at the skinny dog which, (unfortunately) isn’t replicated on the website. The description on the parma claims that it comes with a portion of “Virgina” ham, as opposed to Virginia ham. Now I’m not usually the type to point out typos on a menu, but thats damn hilarious and it had to be said. Mmmm delicious Virgina ham.

We ordered our meals and the waiting game began, Before I show you what arrived on our tables, I will show you a photo of what we received last time we sat down to a meal at the Skinny Dog:

The Old (Taken 12th March 2010) -

And now (cue drumroll….)

The New (Taken 13th October 2011) -

You can’t tell from the picture, but with this parma, Greedo shot first

The parma itself was bloody huge, I don’t know what kind of freak prehistoric chicken they used to get the breast for this bird - perhaps a phorusrhacos? but it was massive. It was cooked much better than last time, with a good coverage of ham and basil leaves, a little light on the napoli and an epic amount of cheese - so much so that a hunk of it oozed off into my salad.

It looked amazing, and I couldn’t wait to tuck in. The first few bites were great but the sheer size of the thing was chicken overload. Gone was the overly smoky ham of its predecessor, which was one of our complaints from last time, however in its place was … nothingness. The cheese was a bit tasteless (even though there was an amazing amount of  it) The napoli was barely there and the ham lacked oomph. Actually I think that is the best way to describe the Skinny Dog parma - it looks amazing, its freaking ginormous, with great quality chicken, but it didn’t have any flair - every bite was just more and more chicken until it felt like my sinuses were packed with meat - in fact the whole thing is very reminiscent of the parma at the Albion - freaking huge, but after a certain amount of food its just too much.

My theory with this parma (which is the same theory that I have about the albion) is that it needs its Alter Ego’s, I have no doubt that the addition of the onion, olives, salami and chili on the Angry Nadal would have been a flavour explosion - however without them it just falls short into blandness.

Apologies in advance for the shitty cross section photo - it looked okay on the screen, wasn’t till I blew it up on my computer that I saw its crapness

Gone are the Maccas chips, and in their place are a stack of crinkle cut, rosemary salted beauties - they’ve lost the bowl, which is both good and bad as the bowl contained the chips separate from everything else, keeping them fresh, however the lack of a bowl allows for much more chippage on the plate. crinkle cut chips are 2nd on the hierarchy of chips (behind curly fries, which take the cake every time). Much like the parma, the rosemary salted, crinkle cut chips had so much potential to be good, however the ones that landed on our plates could have used another few minutes in the fryer - they were undercooked and didn’t have that golden brown goodness you want on a good chip. The rosemary seasoning was a bold idea, and if I put the undercooked-ness of them aside they had a good flavour.

Now to the ingredient that was missing from the last review - The salad adorning our plate was a garden salad of lettuce, onion, shredded carrot, and a creamy dressing that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. It was passable, but nothing special, The fact that they have gone to the trouble of including the salad is great, points for trying. If the people at the Skinny Dog are reading this, I have one suggestion for your salad - Keep the garden salad, you need it, but if you also included a dollop of the elusive coleslaw from our last visit you would be on to a winner. We have only been to one pub so far that has done the salad/coleslaw double and that was the otherAlbion. It came up trumps.

Now to the quotes for the week!

Wow, two weeks into the quote system now and they have all been brutal! Parmas seem to bring out the nasties in our team!

I know this weeks review has gotten amazingly long, but before we wrap up I do have to touch on what Reviewer Brendan mentioned in his quote - The Growler. For $40 you can order a massive jug of beer at the Skinny Dog, and when I say ‘jug’ I don’t mean the regular sized jugs you get at the pub, I mean a re-sealable, re-fillable, steel handled jug of epic proportions - Hold on while I google a picture, thats the only way to do it justice:

Look at that beast - nearly 2 litres of beer fill it up, and if you bring it back it only costs $20 for a refill. Now that is amazing value. Well done, Skinny dog. Points for the Growlings.

When we first reviewed the Skinny Dog it came out with a dismal score of 3.2, then with the introduction of the ‘You don’t win friends with salad’ rule brought into effect in March this year, its score was retroactively lifted to a 5.18 Now that the salad is back in place on the parma the salad rule is out, It’s been a long road, Skinny Dog, you’ve put some work into your parma and the new score is a respectable 6.06. 3.2 to 6.06 … not too shabby.

The parma still has its problems - If I went back to refill my growler I would make sure it was on a Thursday night to pick up one of your Alter Ego’s for the extra flavour it needs to carry it over the line. $25 for the ‘classic’ parma on a regular day, however, is a bit pricey and not too appealing

One things for sure though, for your $20 you definitely won’t be leaving hungry.

Coming soon - The special definitive Blu-Ray edition of this review, with added CGI, an extra scene with Jabba the Hutt  and the cheese digitally replaced with the ghost of Hayden Christensen

Parma - 6.00

Chips - 5.13

Salad - 5.19

Value - 8.00

Total - 6.06

This was a re-review of a pub we have been to before, if you want to read the original attempt Click Here

The search continues…

Attempt #71 - 'The Local'

 

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When? - 6th of October, 2011

Where? - The Local. 22-24 Bay St. Port Melbourne

Price? – $15 with a pot of Boags Thursdays ($19.90 normally)

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.thelocalportmelbourne.com.au/

Reviewers – Adam, Cale, Lee, Matt, Nikki, Stefo[/info]

It had been ten years to the month since I had been through the doors of ‘The Local’. Back in October 2001 I was finishing year 12, had just turned eighteen, and my dad had his fiftieth birthday party at the very same location. It was a very (very) messy night and I’ve still got video footage of one of my 17 year old mates spewing in the dunny after trying to drink a pint of every beer they had on tap (although at the time it was an ‘Elephant and Wheelbarrow’)

Not much has changed in the past ten years, other than the name switch the pub still has a very ‘Elephant and Wheelbarrow’ feel to it - just with more TV’s (I’ll get to that in a moment)

Picture almost any Irish pub you’ve been to and you’re picturing The Local, Elephant & Wheelbarrow, Bridie O’Reillys, Waxy’s on the Gold Coast, they all share the same feel and if you’ve been to one you have been to them all. The thing that stands out about The Local is the sheer number of TV’s - I counted seven that I could see on the bottom floor alone, large Plasmas in each corner and even a personal TV in each booth lining the walls - This would be an awesome pub to watch the footy in, if the season hadn’t just finished.

We booked on the pubs website before we left, loaded up the parma bus, and arrived to our table waiting for us - a quick glance at the menu revealed that we had a choice ahead of us, as ‘Thursday Parma Night’ at The Local came with a few extras -

Although the Mexican looked damn tempting, I’m a traditionalist at heart so I went for the Classic parma, almost everyone at our table did the same apart from Reviewer Stefo who went with the Hawaiian and Reviewer Adam who opted for the Aussie.

Once again (as seems to be tradition) I forgot to start my stopwatch until a good 10 minutes after we ordered our food, but the parmas arrived before anybody complained, so it mustn’t have been too long of a wait -

My ‘Classic’

Adam’s ‘Aussie’

Stefo’s ‘Hawaiian’

The chicken was real chicken, thick and juicy (although thinning out in some parts), almost zero nude schnitzel with a great coverage of cheese. napoli and ham.

The ham served its purpose and the napoli was plentiful and tasty, however at times there was far too much, overpowering the taste of everything else. Most of the parmas were quite well cooked, however it seemed one or two of them could’ve used a couple more minutes under the grill, as the cheese wasn’t quite the golden brown goodness it could have been.

All in all it was a good effort, very tasty and with just a couple of tweaks it could be a great contender!

The Chips were good old fashioned pub chips, salted and sprinked with what looked like cracked pepper - they had the potential to be quite good however the time they spent under the chicken, and the proximity to the very well dressed salad caused the bottom layer of chips to become a soggy, balsamic vinegar-y mess.

Fortunately there was quite a healthy serving of chips, and the ones one top that escaped the drowning death of their chippy comerades wound up quite tasty, a little undersalted but the salt shaker on the table quicky fixed that.

Opinion on the salad was quite divided - Being a big onion fan I quite liked it, as the the garden salad of Rocket, cucumber, shallots, tomato and onion was extremely onion-heavy. As I mentioned earlier there was a heap of dressing and in my opinion it was quite tasty however some reviewers thought the constant insistance of rocket over real lettuce was a big let down, and to be honest I’m inclined to agree.

Now for something a little different! Rather than just listening to me go on and on about what I thought of the parma, Last night each reviewer in attendance received a score sheet with a ‘comments’ section, allowing them to voice their opinion! hopefully this will be a regular feature on Parma Daze as sometimes I don’t get the full spectrum of opinions from my parma compatriots!

Napoli overload seems to be a pretty common opinion. The quotes seem to have come off a tad negative so I will say this - its a damn fine parma! and at only $15 with a free pot its fantastic value, and with the option of novelty parmas it makes an all round great deal.

On a regular night the parma rings in at $19.90, which isn’t too bad, The Mexican parma is still an option on the menu on regular nights however that option rings in at $22, now thats a little too expensive in my opinion, especially since the ham is removed from the mexican option.

Overall a very decent parma with some minor issues which are very easy to overlook when it has a $15 price tag and a free pot thrown in for good measure - would definitely have again!

Parma - 7.42

Chips - 6.67

Salad - 4.50

Value - 8.08

Total - 6.82

The search continues…

#70 - 'Miss Libertine'

When? - 29th of September, 2011

Where? - Miss Libertine. 34 Franklin St. Melbourne

Price? – $16

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.misslibertine.com.au/

Reviewers – Adam, Cale, Lee, Matt, Tony

** Note ** This location has now closed

I was recommended Miss Libertine by a reader who, via email, told me that their parma was “pretty amazing stuff”. Seeing as the place we were planning to do our parma for the week fell through, Miss Libertine (formerly ‘Mac’s Hotel’) seemed like an obvious choice.

It’s one of those pubs that I’ve seen hundreds of times, but never actually thought to go inside and check it out. It’s an old school looking pub in the middle of Melbourne, and a little research will show that it hasn’t changed all that much (on the exterior, at least) since its construction in 1853 … wow.

Melbourne’s automobile market was suprisingly advanced for the 1800’s

It was a shockingly rainy September night when we arrived and I was happy to escape the street to the heated, enclosed patio, then to the even warmer belly of the beast - The beer selection was pretty standard, the usual Lion Nathan owned beers on tap (Boags, Kirin, James Squire, Tooheys, Becks etc. - Enough to keep me satisfied for the evening) as well as the full range of Rekorderlig ciders in the fridge (it amazes me how quickly this drink has popped up everywhere) as well as a keg of warm Rekorderlig cider on tap - I tried this for the first time last night and I must say it was … different. Not totally objectionable, but like all Rekorderlig ciders so diabetes-inducingly sweet that Wilford Brimley would probably have a heart attack if he tasted it … I switched back to beer.

The pub is hard to describe, A massive front bar with seating in the front, DJ spinning decks in the corner in a booth decorated with Tetris blocks (I had a minor nerdgasm regarding that) and plenty of room for people standing or sitting.

Out the back was a much bigger room with a band playing but due to the cover charge to get out the back I can’t quite describe it, However I did glimpse a pretty impressive bar out there on the way to the dunny.

We ordered our parmas at the bar, picked up the cutlery, tomato sauce and salt on the way back to the table and sat awaiting the glorious arrival.

Just as the discussions of ‘jeez I’m fucking starving’ accompanied by worried glances to the kitchen began (this usually occurs at about the 35 minute wait mark) as if on cue our meals arrived. with little delay we picked up our weapons and dove in.

On first bite I sensed a familiar taste in my mouth that wasn’t that of a parma. It didn’t take long to dawn on me that this parma used the same ‘crushed corn chip’ crumbs that we found on our attempt at Lounge a few months back. I was scared. The taco parma did not fare well with us last time. With great trepidation I continued to eat, my suspiscions were confirmed when I found this partially intact corn chip lodged in the side of my chicken

Now that’s flavour you can see!

Surprisingly, it was pretty good. The corn chips crumbs weren’t nearly as overpowering as the last time we encountered them and the rest of the parma could actually be tasted. The chicken was great quality, size-wize it was decent and there was plenty of topping to go round, the cheese was particularly tasty. Towards the end of the parm the corn chip flavour did start to dominate, but it was only the last couple of bites that were effected, a solid effort from Miss Libertine.

Those night classes in food photography are really paying off!

I’ve said it a lot recently but the chips were standard. A good serving of old fashioned pub chips, unseasoned but we had already grabbed sauce and salt to remedy this issue. They were crispy (as I rescued them from their soggy hole under the parma as soon as it arrived) and served their life purpose as chips quite adequately.

The salad was a bit of a let down, I’m not sure if that was because it looked rather pleasing to the eye, but when it came down to it the whole thing was quite bland - there was a lot of lettuce, a couple of cherry tomatoes, a duo of cucumber slices and some slivers of onion that I really had to search to find. The dressing was undetectable, it could have been oil … or water, really wasn’t too sure.

All said and done Miss Libertine serves up a pretty good parma, I usually struggle to find a parma this close to the city that I would recommend, but this one definitely makes the cut - at $16 its very fairly priced and for those freaks out there who don’t eat a parma at every opportunity, Thursday is $5 pizza night - a bargain in anyones language.

Parma - 7.00

Chips - 5.90

Salad - 5.00

Value - 6.80

Total - 6.34

The search continues…

Attempt #69 - 'The Long Road'

 

So! The bar is relatively new, there are no photos online and it was too dark by the time we arrived to take our own photo! Google street view is normally my backup but it still has the location as the business it was before the bar opened - so until I can get a proper picture, this blurry placeholder will have to do!

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When? - 22nd of September, 2011

Where? - The Long Road, 338b Keilor Rd, Niddrie

Price? – $16

Barry? - No

Website? - twitter.com/longroadbar

Reviewers – Cale, Grace, Lee, Luke, Ness, Nikki, Stefo, Tony Q[/info]

Those who live in the Essendon/Niddrie area will know that pickings are rather slim when it comes to bars on Keilor Road, Apart from The Lincolnshire Arms on the corner there is veritably no place on the entire shopping strip to wet one’s whistle.

The Long Road is a brand newcomer to the area, I noticed it opening up about 6 months ago but never really took an interest, thinking it nothing more than one of the many cafe’s that dot the street, It wasn’t until I was on Urbanspoon one evening looking for a place to grab some dinner that I noticed that it is listed on there as a ‘Sports Bar’.

My interest was piqued, I checked the menu to make sure they had a parma, and we headed down to visit the Keilor Road newbie - The Long Road. (Why it is called ‘The Long Road’ I am unsure, perhaps the owners are massive Nickelback fans)

We arrived at the Long Road and took our seats, They have a pretty basic setup but it does the job nicely, The folding glass foors along the front of the building opens the place up on a warm summer eve and the wood fire towards the back would keep you toasty warm on a cold winter one, Its basic, but has a good atmosphere.

We ordered our chickeny delights and awaited their arrival - The two LCD screens that I assume are normally there to show sports (hence ‘sports bar’) were running an episode of ‘Fear Factor’ instead - entertaining, yet watching Joe Rogan serve a 19 year old college student blended sheeps brain and horse testicle isn’t exactly ideal dinner entertainment.

Before too long our parmas arrived…

Everything about this parma screams home made, from the hand crumbed real chicken breast, to the home made napoli on top. The chicken was succulent, the crumbs were spot on and the ham was top quality without overpowering the meal. My only criticisms to this parma would be that mine was a tad overcooked (you can see the burnt patches in the above picture) They were a little light on cheese and the napoli, despite being home made, fresh and delicious, could be a bit watery (or ‘soupy’) at times, however these are only minor hiccups in an all around tasty meal!

The chips were standard pub chips, well cooked and a decent serving, however they didn’t really wow any of us, they were unseasoned and lacked any solid flavour, nothing bad, but at the same time they didn’t really stand out either.

The salad was a disappointment, It was a tiny garden salad of lettuce, onion, capsicum and tomato. It’s not that it was bad, there was purely nothing of it, after one forkfull it was all but gone and it was rather apparent that it was just there for show

I was impressed by the Long Road, calling it a ‘sports bar’ might be a bit of a stretch, but the atmosphere is great and the outdoor seating on busy Keilor road would be a great spot for a beer and a people watch on a warm Sunday afternoon.

The parma itself was great, the chicken breast was top quality and you can tell a lot of effort went into its creation and if not for a couple of minor glitches it would be top rung. The sides however let this parma down big time - if just a bit more attention was paid them them it would be a winner, but if you are after a quality meal at a very reasonable price ($16) then The Long Road is definitely worth checking out, I’ll certainly be going back for another in the near future.

Parma - 7.00

Chips - 5.06

Salad - 4.38

Value - 6.75

Total - 6.04

The search continues…

Attempt #68 - 'Prince Alfred Hotel'

When? - 15th of September, 2011

Where? - Prince Alfred Hotel. 191 Grattan St. Carlton

Price? – $17.00 (with $10 Parma Mondays)

Barry? - Yes

Website? - None

Reviewers – Adam, Cale, Carly, Grace, Lee, Stefo, Tony

The Prince Alfred Hotel fell on to our parma radar rather organically, In February next year Reviewer Nikki and myself are getting married (naww parma love) and the location for the wedding ceremony and reception is just around the corner from the Prince Alfred. After a few sessions with our wedding planner we have wound up having a pint at PA’s afterwards, and it has always seemed like a friendly pub, it has friendly staff, a great vibe, and real Barry - Definitely one for review!

So on Thursday night we loaded up the parma bus and headed to Grattan st. Before I get into the review I will mention that on arrival I ordered a pint of Mountain Goat Steam Ale - this is the first time I have tried Steam Ale and I must say I was impressed. A delicious drop that I stayed on for the rest of the night, definitely recommended!

While waiting for the entirety of the review team to arrive we ordered a bowl of wedges - these were fantastic, massive bowl with an abundance of sweet chili and sour cream, a great starter.

We ordered our parmas in the quiet pub and took our seats (greeted with bottles of sauce on the table, a great sign), before too long the plates of deliciousness began filing out of the kitchen and falling in front of us

The schnitzel was big enough, different shapes of schnitzel around the table meant real chicken was used, and not processed garbage. They all had a decent thickness and It was a quality schnitzel that carried its taste quite well. The crumbing was a little soggy and let down the chicken a little unfortunately. There was minimal schnitzel nudity with a good covering of toppings, with the exception of the napoli - the soggy crumbs meant that the parma wasn’t at all dry, however the appearence of napoli was minimal at best.

The chips were standard fries (or ‘Maccas Chips’ as they have come to be known) There was a rather large serving however the parma was sat directly on top of them, causing major chip-sogg to those at ground zero, bringing ‘Pretty good’ chips down to ‘okay chips’

The garden salad consisted of lettuce, cucumber, tomato, onion, carrot and dressing, it was a large serve that accompanied the meal quite nicely - Reviewers Adam and Carly opted for vegetables instead of salad, and both gave glowing reports on their quality as a side as well.

After our meals we headed around for a game of Barry, we didn’t win anything but its good to see classic Barry still exists in Melbourne pubs!

Reviewers Stefo and Adam, apparently not doing to well from the expressions on their faces.

The Prince Alfred is a great little pub, It’s got pool tables, TVs everywhere, a fireplace and (I’ll say it again) Real Barry. The staff are friendly, always keen for a chat, the selection of beers is decent and I’ll definitely be seeking out another steam ale.

As for the parma its … middle of the road. It’s not bad by any sense of the word, but its not great. I noticed advertisments for a $10 parma night on Monday - this is worth seeking out, as the parma we got was a decent feed, and at $10 that would be amazing value and something definitely worth giving a shot.

Parma - 5.57

Chips - 4.71

Salad - 6.43

Value - 6.64

Total - 5.79

The search continues…

Attempt #67 'Hog's Breath Cafe'

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When? - 8th of September, 2011

Where? - Hog’s Breath Cafe. Watergardens Shopping Center. 203/399 Melton Highway, Taylors Lakes

Price? – $21.95 (‘lite serve’ option $17.95)

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.hogsbreath.com.au/

Reviewers – Lee & Nikki[/info]

Ever since Reviewer Stefo sent his review from London, I have been on the hunt for a pub that serves a parma with curly fries - A task I first thought would be easy, but quickly realised it harder than I thought. It took me a few weeks but eventually I stumbled on it - The Hog’s Breath Cafe.

Now I’m sure you have all heard of Hog’s Breath - I just did a quick count of their website and they are sitting at about seventy locations around Australia, They are all the same, sharing an identical menu, so I think its pretty much safe to assume that the parma at the hogs breath we attended (at the Watergardens Shopping center, Taylors Lakes) will be pretty much identical to what you would get at any of their 70 hogs-tacular locations.

We rocked up at the Hogs Breath just before seven on a Thursday and I was surprised at how busy it was already, the place was pumping. If you haven’t been to a hogs breath cafe before I’ll try to describe it … If you picture any stereotypical American family restaurant you are pretty much there - if you think ‘Shenanigans’ from the movie “Waiting” then you are spot on. Heaps of crazy crap on the walls, road signs, animal heads, lawn bowls, its very bright and kid friendly. I felt very odd ordering a beer with my meal, it was like having a pint at McDonalds.

A little game for you if you find yourself at Hog’s breath - Look anywhere, Left, Right, Up, Down, Behind you … anywhere and if you can’t see the words ‘HOG’S BREATH CAFE’ in your field of vision, you win (protip - you can’t win)

The menu is huge, heaps of options for pretty much whatever you can think of, its all very American - we started off with a basket of Mozzarella sticks (aka ‘deep fried cheese’… hello heart attack) which were actually pretty tasty with the ranch dressing. After a bit of searching I managed to find the Chicken Parma on the menu - they squirreled it away in the corner of a page pretty far back in the menu, it took some effort to find, but its there, available in a regular or ‘lite’ serve for a few bucks cheaper. After you order be prepared for an onslaught of questions about extras, the waitress pumped about 10 different options for sides, extras or sauces to accompany our meal, we stuck to the basics and didn’t order any.

After a slight wait and a hearty rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ to the kids at the table next to us from the staff, our parmas arrived.

First of all, there was a lot of napoli … and not much else.

A little digging showed that the Hog’s Breath ‘parma’ was actually two pieces of chicken (about ‘KFC boneless fillet’ sized), covered in napoli and sprinkled with some shaved parmesan cheese - I mentioned that the place was very Americanised, but I have a feeling someone took the American pronunciation of ‘Chicken Parmesan’ a little too far, I have had Parmas in America on several occasions, and even they were closer to a parma than the Hogs breath (with the exception of the one at Universal Studios)

So, even though we were missing ham and melted cheese, we pressed on, I seperated the two chicken fillets to give a better picture of what was served -

I am yet to confirm this, but I would have to assume that the ‘lite serve’ available for $17.95 would have to be a single fillet as opposed to two of them. If that is true, its a bad deal and way overpriced… dont take the lite option)

To be honest, once I got over the lack of topping, the chicken actually tasted decent - It wasn’t a parma by any means, but whatever this frankenstein’s monster of a dish was, it actually tasted okay. The chicken fillets were of decent quality, possibly a little dry at times, but well cooked and fresh. We’ve had worse, is what I’m trying to say I suppose.

The curly fries were great as expected - the hunt was worth it as Hogs Breath have their signature ‘Hogs Tail fries’ to an art, perfectly seasoned and cooked, I just wish there were more of them! If the meals weren’t as expensive as they were I’d consider ordering a side of curly fries to accompany my meal.

The salad was surprising - it was pretty good. A pretty big garden salad of Lettuce, onion, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, carrot, kidney beans and balsamic dressing - It was a very decent accompaniment to the meal

The Hog’s Breath serves up a Chicken Parmesan. It is not a chicken parma, they should change the menu. Pubs can get away with leaving the ham off the parma and still calling it such, but when you also leave out melted cheese you are one ingredient short of being classed a parma. Sure the chicken actually tasted okay and the napoli, although over-abundant was pretty tasty. But it just wasn’t a parma, plain and simple.

If you find yourself at Hogs Breath, as much as it pains me to say, try and avoid the ‘Parma’ - Its a big menu and I’m sure you’ll find something much better. The sides were good, love the curly fries and the salad was solid, but those same sides also come with pretty much everything else on the menu, so best to opt for those in my opinion. As for Value, its pretty expensive - $21.95 for two KFC fillets and some napoli just isn’t on, and I’ve got a feeling the ‘lite serve’ is to be avoided at all costs.

Also, they have T-shirts.

Parma - 3.00

Chips - 7.5

Salad - 6.25

Value - 5.00

Total - 4.95

The search continues…

Attempt #66 - 'Palookaville'

[info]

When? - 1st of September, 2011

Where? - Palookaville. 416 Brunswick St. Fitzroy

Price? – $14 (all mains on the menu $14)

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.palookaville.com.au/

Reviewers – Adam, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Stefo[/info]

**EDIT** It is my sad duty to report that Palookaville has closed its doors and the parma-ish is no longer available. So long, Palookaville!

My reasons for selecting Palookaville for this weeks attempt were completely selfish, A pub called ‘Mana Bar’ has recently opened up in Brunswick street and I wanted to check it out, they don’t have a parma on the menu so the next best thing was to find a parma close to Mana Bar and wander down afterwards for post-parma drinks. Horribly self centered, I know, but they have freakin’ video games at Mana Bar … that is too awesome for words!

As soon as I heard the name of this pub my interest was piqued, To me Palookaville was the name of the fantastic Fatboy Slim album, or to a lesser extent that movie released in the nineties of the same name - It had never occurred to me to look into what Palookaville actually meant, Luckily the pubs website had me sorted.

“A word originating in the U.S. in the 1920’s meaning a stupid or oafish person, Based on the American comic book character Joe Palooka a Boxer over time evolving into a term of endearment as a simple but lovable character. The word Palookaville is an extension of this slang to refer to a place of simple people or simple principles.”

I was sold, the menu confirmed they had a parma… sort of (ill get to that in a minute) So we headed to Brunswick street for our dinner.

Before I arrived I was expecting Palookaville to be a small boutique bar, with a few bar stools and some tables, and from the outside it looks how I had imagined… how wrong I was! Once inside Palookaville opens up into a massive space, with pool tables, couches, heaps of seating for dining and one of the longest bars I have seen in awhile, Even though its big inside it retains a cozy atmosphere, and the super friendly bar staff were the icing on the cake - this was a good pub.

We looked at their menu, all the mains are $14, which makes things easy - not that we really looked at the other options. Here’s where it gets interesting though, the chicken parma on the menu isn’t called a chicken parma - its advertised as a “Chicken Parma-ish“

That little ‘ish’ is very important to the Palookaville parma, and you’ll see why when they arrived, we placed our orders and claimed a spot around a table on some very comfy couches, after a short wait our parmas arrived.

Different is an understatement! I was a little scared of the ‘ish’ when it arrived, I had never seen a parma served the way it was, I’ll break it down for you.

First of all the chicken schnitzel was pure, juicy chicken breast, obviously hand made and crumbed with spices reminiscent of the KFC 11 secret herbs and spices - watch out Colonel, I think Palookaville may have cracked your secret!

The schnitz was topped with mozzarella and pancetta, then in place of napoli there was a fresh tomato and onion salsa, think the topping you would find on a bruschetta, All topped with some oiled rocket and a massive slice of freshly shaved parmesan.

It was different, but different in the best way, The pancetta was delicious and the salsa was delightful - Palookaville has taken the parma and given it a twist, As someone who eats parmas on a weekly basis its nice to be surprised, and I was definitely surprised by Palookaville’s Parma-ish.

The chips aren’t really visible in the picture so I deconstructed the tower of parma and took another picture so you can take a look.

The chips were hand cut, house made beauties, We commented when we first got to them that it didn’t look like there were that many, however these chips were damn filling, actually calling them chips is a bit of a misnomer, think of them as sliced strips of roast potato, beautifully seasoned, and like the rest of the Palookaville parma, different in a good way.

Now the salad, basically… there wasn’t one, there were some slivers of rocket on the top of the parma and other than the massive slice of parmesan cheese, thats pretty much it. So we made an executive decision and invoked the ‘You don’t win friends with salad’ rule, set forth in our review of the James Squire, in accordance with the rule, the salad gets a flat 5 down the board, So the lack of salad will not downgrade the score - but it will not improve it either.

The Palookaville parma was a breath of fresh air, A welcome twist on the norm, I’m not saying this is how all parmas should be done - the classic parma is just that - a classic. However its nice to change things up once in awhile, (much like our review of The Napier, with Kangaroo in place of ham) and coming in at just $14 the parma-ish gets points for value, I’d be more than happy to revisit Palookaville for another.

And yes, We did go to Mana Bar afterwards and it was just as awesome as I had expected, except that I dropped my beer while playing Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 and everyone laughed at me … embarrassing.

Parma - 8.1

Chips - 8.7

Salad - 5

Value - 9.20

Total - 7.82

The search continues…

Attempt #65 - 'The Spread Eagle Hotel'

[info]

When? - 25th of August, 2011

Where? - The Spread Eagle Hotel. 372 Bridge Rd, Richmond

Price? – $19 ($12 ‘Spready parma fest’ Sunday, Monday & Tuesday)

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.spreadeagle.com.au/

Reviewers – Adam, Dale, Grace, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Stefo, Tony[/info]

So early last week I was looking at our map and I noticed that we had a pretty sizable gap in the Richmond/Toorak/Hawthorn area, this just wouldn’t do! So I sent out a call on Facebook and Twitter, asking for suggestions of pubs to hit in that area, we had a few suggestions come back, but the one name that stuck out to us was the Spread Eagle Hotel (mostly because the 16 year old boys sprang to life inside us and had a giggle at ‘spread eagle’). We loaded up the parma bus and headed to Bridge road to see what the Spread Eagle had to offer (teehee)

Parking was a bit of a problem when we arrived and we had to leave the car er..um bus a good 500m down Bridge rd and walk down, this turned out good as it afforded us the opportunity to notice that a lot of the pubs/restaurants in the area were advertising some kind of parma special, Which is fantastic for us as, classically, competition would drive up the quality of the parma. We were practically salivating when we took our seats and placed our orders.

I should mention that the parma at the Spready has the option of Chips and Salad or Veggies and Mash, everyone at the table opted for the chips and salad option, Some bake at home rolls came out of the kitchen after we took our seat, a very nice touch.

Oh before I go on I should mention that Reviewer Stefo has returned from his 3 month trip to London, he re-joined our group at the Spread Eagle and its great to have him back.

The Spread Eagle is a fantastically renovated pub, it has obviously had some work done, yet it retains its old-world charm perfectly, a great little spot I’d like to call my local, if i lived anywhere near it, It’s also worth mentioning that we were there on ‘locals night’ offering $2 off all wine by the glass and $3 pots of Carlton.

Before long, three parmas were trotted out of the kitchen, which would be fantastic, If we hadn’t ordered eight of them. After a ten minute wait another two parmas arrived, at this point courtesy went out the window and those of us who got the first round tucked in, leaving the three reviewers who had yet to recieve their food very sullen as we ate, after another twenty minute wait their food arrived and we all breathed a sigh of relief.

Now lets time travel back to when I got my parma, in the first lot that came out

The first thing that struck me about my parma was the black ring around the edge, someone had been in the grill a little too long I think, With a little trepidation I tucked in.

The schnitzel was processed, not too thin, but not winning any awards for thickness either, There was minor nude schnitzel but nothing too offensive, there was plenty of cheese and a very chunky, possibly home made napoli. I wasn’t sure about the inclusion of ham, so with my fork I lifted the cheese and went on a ham hunt, couldn’t find any so I simply assumed the parma didn’t come with any ham - it wasn’t until I got to my last fork-full that I found a piece of ham, I was surprised as I couldn’t taste it at all during the meal.

The chips were smooshed under the parma, standard pub chips that were nothing special - not bad, just not noteworthy.

I thought the salad was a pretty decent side, garden salad with lettuce, onion, tomato, carrot, cabbage and cucumber with a splash of balsamic dressing. Standard garden salad that served us pretty well … that is until Reviewer Grace found an unexpected visitor crawling out from under a leaf of lettuce

Uhhh… Waiter? there’s a fly in my parma.

He was alive, but in his death throes… perhaps he had just committed insecticide *badum*ching*

As far as we noticed, everyone else’s salad was insect free, but it definitely affected the score of the meal

The Spready is a great looking pub in a great spot and definitely worth remembering for a pint of Cider on a Saturday arvo, there is a cozy little beer garden out the back that would be great for a summer evening and the vibe of the pub in general is a positive one. Unfortunately I can’t recommend the parma, at least not at full price, it was bordering on okay but the overcooked edges, the staggered arrival of the meals and the appearance of our winged friend in the salad definitely brought the mood down.

They offer a $12 Parma Sunday, Monday, Tuesday special with a variety of toppings and the like, and even run a trivia comp with their parmas at noon on Sundays - worth checking out if you’re in the area, but I wouldn’t be hurrying back anytime soon

Parma - 5.13

Chips - 5.69

Salad - 3.81

Value - 4.88

Total - 4.93

The search continues…

Attempt #64 - 'Turf Bar'

[info]

When? - 18th of August, 2011

Where? - Turf Bar. 131 Queen St, Melbourne

Price? – $19.50 ($15 ‘Parmas of the World’ Wednesday)

Barry? - No, But 2 pool tables and digital tabletop poker & bocce

Website? - http://www.turfbar.com.au/

Reviewers – Adam, Cale, Lee, Matt, Pat, Tony[/info]

This week we visit Turf Bar on Queen st., however we had not intended to visit Turf Bar on Queen st. - All week long we had planned to visit the ‘Lanai Restaurant & Bar’ which is squirreled away within the CQ nightclub.

I had seen someone from CQ post their opinions of someone’s parma on facebook, and was interested to see if they could put their parma where their mouth was - Unfortunately when I called on Wednesday to book a table I was informed that Lanai Restaurant only serves food at Lunchtime, not at dinner - And seeing as we have yet to fulfill our dream of eating chicken parmigiana for a living, our day jobs prevent us from visiting any pubs during the lunch hour.

So! It took a quick googling to discover that the Turf Bar, literally next door to CQ, also offer up the combination of chicken, ham, cheese and napoli that we all know and love. Proximity to CQ was perfect so it didn’t mess with anyones plans at all - I booked the table, we piled into the Parma Bus and headed down.

As soon as I walked into the Turf Bar I was in love, this pub is a gem. First of all, you have to go downstairs to get into the pub, which gives it a massive ‘Cheers’ vibe. Massive bar, heaps of wood everywhere (its a sign of a good pub when they have a lot of wood. And coat hooks. A good pub has lots of coat hooks!) plenty of TV screens running sports, great looking meals coming out of the kitchen (there is a 1kg T-bone steak on the menu for $60, advised to be ordered 24 hours in advance) and the bar girls were amazingly friendly and helpful.

Actually, if you are having trouble picturing the place, think ‘MacLarens’ from How I Met Your Mother and you’re pretty much there. Awesome.

Turf Bar reminds me so much of this pub, but nicer … and with more guys in suits.

Anyway, back to the food.

We grabbed a pint and took our seats in the dining area, There was full table service available for drinks as well as food, but we opted to get our drinks from the bar (it makes it easier when it comes to splitting the bill at the end of the night).

We ordered our parmas and kicked back, Signs posted around the place indicated that we had missed Turf Bar’s $15 ‘Parma’s of the World’ night by 24 hours, so we had regular parmas at $19.50 a pop, not too shabby if the parma is quality.

In fairly short order (I forgot to time it again) our meals arrived.

Looking good so far, it struck me as a little small when it first arrived, but that fear was quickly allayed after I cut into it, the chicken breast was thick and juicy, well crumbed, with some very minor schnitzel nudity - and even then it was only partial nudity, the sideboob of parmas.

Gotta love that sideboob

They weren’t at all tight with the napoli and cheese, the smoked ham was delicious and it spread its flavour throughout the parma giving it a delicious smokey taste. Well cooked, well crumbed, real, unprocessed chicken breast. A fine chicken parma.

I need to start putting a 20c coin or something in the cross section for perspective, it was thicker than it looks in this photo.

The chips were set beside the parma (thank god) and in abundance. They were well seasoned with chicken salt and came with a personal tomato sauce pot on the plate, you may remember from our review of The Exchange that I am a big fan of personal sauce pots. A great touch.

Unfortunately the salad was so/so - A garden salad with Lettuce, onion, tomato cucumber, some mustard seeds and a cream dressing. It was fine as far as garden salads go, and by no means was it bad, just nothing outstanding.

After we finished our food we adjourned to the pool tables for a game before heading out, quite often on parma attempts we just eat and leave, but the Turf was so damn inviting I just didn’t want to go.

Had a few more pints, and there was almost a de-pantsing at the pool tables … almost.

The Turf Bar’s parma was pretty damn good and worth checking out, I’d be happy to pay $19.50 for it again so hitting it on the Wednesday Parma night would be gravy. The pub itself is amazing, I am in love and will definitely be returning in the near future.

On the way out I looked down through the window and saw this room, that I didn’t see from inside the bar -

Doesn’t that look like the cosiest goddamn room you’ve seen in your life?! 

Parma - 7.25

Chips - 7.92

Salad - 5.58

Value - 7.58

Total - 7.12

The search continues…

Attempt #63 - 'The Royal Hotel'

When? - 11th of August, 2011

Where? - The Royal Hotel, 873 Mt. Alexander Rd, Essendon.

Price? – $15 (in the bar, ‘Parma, Pot n’ Punt’ special)

Barry? - Yes

Website? -  http://www.royalhotel-essendon.com.au/

Reviewers – Cale, Grace, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Tony

UPDATE - IT TOOK US 8 YEARS BUT WE REVISITED THE ROYAL. FIND OUT HOW IT CHANGED IN ALL THOSE YEARS HERE!

To be honest, we picked The Royal this week because it was close, 90% of the Parma Daze review team live around Essendon, and the pastfewweeks we have done a bit of travelling from our home zone for the attempts. It was nice to hit up a local for a change.

I was researching the menu for the attempt online beforehand (making great use of office hours) and realised we had a dilemma. The Royal offers two parma related meal deals on a Thursday. In the public bar, from Monday - Thursday they have a ‘$15 Parma, Pot n’ Punt’ meal deal, In which $15 gets you a Parma, A pot of beer (or soft drink) and a $3 mystery bet in the TAB. However in the Bistro, Thursday night is ‘Parma-rama’ night, in which $13 buys you a parma with your choice of 7 toppings.

I appreciate your use of our lingo, Royal, but a ‘nude’ parma isn’t a parma… its a schnitzel. kill this from your menu!

It was the ‘Sophie’s Choice’ of parmas, do we opt for the $15 plain parma, with a free pot & mystery bet? or get something from the M selections range (‘It’s a little bit fancy’) for $13. After much soul searching we decided to keep it simple, have our parmas in the bar and go for the $15 Parma, Pot n’ Punt.

The Bistro was pretty darn busy when we arrived, however the bar was quiet, I guess the people of Essendon prefer their parmigianas with a little flair. We grabbed a table and placed our order. There’s plenty to do to keep you entertained at The Royal bar, with a Barry machine, juke box, pool table and TAB attached (and pokies around the corner if you are so inclined).

We placed our orders, grabbed a drink, and returned to our seats, I headed into the TAB to pick up the myst…

…ery bet that came with the meal. Wait. what just happened? That parma is there far too early. Yet that is pretty much the exact timeline from ordering the food to the parma’s arrival - I kid you not the kitchen at the Royal pumped out 6 chicken parmigianas in no more than five minutes, if you do the math on that thats more than one parma per minute. I’m all for a quick meal but when a parma comes out that quick its a little concerning.

From outside appearances the parma looked okay, with great trepidation we picked up the cutlery and dove in. We all lost on our mystery bets, in case you were wondering… a good bit of fun though.

The chicken was okay, definitely processed, and judging from the speed they came out they would have to be pre-cooked, but okay none the less. It was a real ‘luck of the draw’ situation as a few reviewers got some rather unhealthy looking birds (a few grey spots in the chick) and others got a fairly decent slice, There was minimal nude schnitzel and plenty of ham, cheese and napoli, however they must’ve left the taste in the kitchen as the parma came off rather bland, crumb/chicken ratio was okay but not fantastic. I was freaking starving so I put it away without an issue, It was passable, but forgettable.

Now before the attempt I was told by a few friends that I had to ‘order the beer battered chips on the side, they’re so much better than the regular chips’. It’s no secret that I am a sucker for a good beer battered chip, however when I tried to make the order at the bar I was told that the beer battered chips have been taken off the menu, so we were stuck with the regulars.

Much like the parma itself, the chips weren’t bad, but they were forgettable, standard plank chips with minimal (if any) seasoning, They were well cooked and I was happy with them, however the serving was tiny, only a handful of chips accompanied the parma and they were gone almost as soon as they began.

The salad was… (sounding like a broken record here) standard and forgettable. Lettuce, cucumber, tomato, carrot and a smidge of onion, it was rather dry on the dressing. At one point Reviewer Pat pulled an odd face, looked at me in horror and said ‘I just got a really bad tasting piece of lettuce’. I can’t say I’ve ever had lettuce taste so bad I’ve had to comment on it, but I figured it was worth a mention.

After the meal we finished off our attempt with a game of Barry (or ‘Game On’ as its called now, pfft) Freakin Deal or no Deal is a cheating bastard.

I’m a little torn in summing up The Royal’s parma. Its not great, but the Monday - Thursday ‘Parma, Pot n Punt’ deal is good value as long as you understand what you are paying for. If you’re after a cheap & nasty (and lightning fast) parma to accompany your after work beers then this is definitely the place for you, and the $3 Mystery Bet is a good novelty to chuck in to kill the 60 seconds between the ordering and arrival of your parma.

Parma - 5.08

Chips - 4.33

Salad - 4.33

Value - 7.17

Total - 5.20

The search continues…

Attempt #62 - 'The Napier Hotel'

 

[info]

When? - 4th of August, 2011

Where? - The Napier Hotel, 210 Napier St, Fitzroy

Price? – $20.00

Barry? - No

Website? -  http://thenapierhotel.com/

Reviewers – Carly, Lee, Nikki, Pat[/info]

I was stumped at the start of the week when it came to pubs to try, we had just come off our review of The Exchange, which took the spot as our new #1 parma, so surely the parma following that act would pale in comparison. I looked at our map and saw a bit of a gap in the Fitzroy region, I also remembered that the Napier was in Fitzroy, and they offered up a parma that we had been meaning to try for a very long time

Still not convinced I turned to Cleverbot, the website that lets you chat to an artificial intelligence… hopefully he could shed some light on the situation.

Well… that was pointless. So we decided on the Napier, loaded up the Parma Bus, and headed to Fitzroy.

There was a smaller group this week so I decided not to make a booking… BIG mistake - this (rather large) pub was packed when we arrived, and it was barely even 7pm. Luckily we managed to squeeze in to a table in the front bar.

Now the Napier offers up two varieties of parma, A standard parma and a very original offering where in place of ham they stack fillets of smoked kangaroo. Tantalizing, no?

There were four reviewers so we agreed to get two roo parmas and two ham parmas, with the condition that we were all allowed to have a taste of the other one, for review purposes. $20 each, we placed our order at the bar, and awaited our foods arrival.

I had hoped to institute a new feature in Parma Daze this week in which I timed how long the parma took from ordering to delivery. I recorded the order time (7.24pm) but when the parmas arrived I was so excited I totally forgot to record the arrival time, from memory it was about half an hour … not too bad.

I have photos of both the roo parma and the ham parma below

The Roo Parma

The Ham Parma

I ordered the roo parma and I have to say I was in total shock when it fell to the table - I was expecting shaved roo slices as if they had been through a deli slicer - no sir, this was sliced roo fillets, about the same size you would see in a stir fry, smoked to perfection and tender as hell. they added a unique taste to the parma that has to be tasted to be described - a truly different parma experience that every parma lover needs to try!

The chicken was top quality breast, thick, big, well crumbed and generously covered in toppings, my only complaint (similar to last weeks parma) is that they overdid it a littlewith the napoli, some areas were swimming in it and it overpowered the rest of the chicken, but otherwise a great parma. During my meal I had the opportunity to try the Ham variety, and even though I was greatly enjoying the Kangaroo parma I must say that the ham variety was delicious in its own right, its amazing how the ham completely altered the flavour of the entire meal, yet kept it tasty, I’d be torn if I had to choose between roo and ham a second time, both were vastly different, yet equally delicious.

Cross section - you can see some kangaroo on top -

The chips were crinkle cut … points already, and well salted, there was a decent serving (under the chicken unfortunately) but we got a fair few ‘poo chips’ as they were dubbed, the ones that didn’t come out quite right, like an inbred puppy, where the other chips were golden brown, the poo chips were dark and almost inedible - despite those it was a decent chip offering. Crinkle cut rocks.

The salad was a point of contention amongst reviewers. It was presented beautifully and looked amazing, however when you broke it down it was rather sparse and eating it became a challenge, It was a garden salad consisting of lettuce, tomato and lots of diced cucumber, with some parsley and dressing thrown through, very basic, but still kind of tasty, the problem came with trying to eat a pile of diced cucumber with a fork and a knife sitting on a very crowded barroom table, If a spoon were available it would be much easier but as it were the over-dicing of the cucumber became a hassle.

The Napier is a great, cosy pub, the decor is… indescribable, if you have any sort of moral objection to the Fitzroy Football club you might want to give this place a miss as the front bar looks like Fitzroy threw up on the place… in a good way! everywhere you look is a different piece of football paraphernalia, definitely enough to keep you entertained while waiting for your chicken

I was worried that this weeks parma would have a hard time following The Exchange but it put up one hell of a fight, this was a fantastic and unique parma experience that I’d be happy to try again any day of the week, points for originality, quality and the overall experience… a top notch parma!

Parma - 8.5

Chips - 8.15

Salad - 6.5

Value - 8.13

Total - 7.96

The search continues…

#61 - 'The Exchange Hotel'

When? - 28th of July, 2011

Where? - The Exchange Hotel, 39 Bay St. Port Melbourne

Price? – $24.90

Barry? - No

Website? -  http://www.theexchangehotel.net.au

Reviewers – Adam, Daniel, Ella, Lee, Nikki, Nugget, Pat, Sven

Okay, I’m going to pull a Quentin Tarantino with todays review, I’m going to show you the end first, then we are going to whip around and show you the events leading up to how we got there.

Parma - 9.06

Chips - 7.75

Salad - 7.06

Value - 7.19

Total - 8.03

For those keeping score, that puts the parma you are about to read about in the new #1 position.

I love you Pumpkin.

I love you Honeybunny.

The exchange fell onto our radar through general internet browsing, a lot of times I will open up the Map, pick an area where there is no dot, and check to see if there are any pubs in the area that serve up a parma. The Exchange was picked and we headed down.

I made the booking via the websites online Dimmi booking system, which had disastrous results last time we used it to book Hardimans, however we gave it another shot and it went off without a hitch, even calling to increase the number of people attending was no issue. Dimmi, you have been forgiven.

We arrived at The Exchange and took our seats in the dining room, first of all this is a beautifully restored, down to earth pub - I’m going to be using the term ‘down to earth’ a lot in this review as it describes the place perfectly, a lot of restored gastro pubs carry with them a lot of inherent wank that is very difficult to shake, yet The Exchange is nothing like that - It’s a beautiful space with a fantastic menu, wine list, cocktail list and selection of beers but the staff are casual, friendly and happy to help in any way possible. The non-parma part of the menu looked damn amazing and I will be definitely be dropping in for their Sunday roast in the near future.

Despite seeing a burger that looked absolutely phenomenal, we ordered our parmas and eagerly awaited their arrival - I was about 3/4 through my first pint when the food arrived and … well, they say a picture’s worth a thousand words.

I Just wish I had’ve had my good camera for this attempt - the iPhone camera just doesn’t do it justice.

The parmigiana itself came out on its own, massive, square plate. Everyone’s parma differed a little in shape/size but they were all massive chunks of bird. The crumbing was absolutely amazing - home made crumbs so good that I didn’t even care there was a slight showing of schnitzel nudity. The menu made mention of ‘2 cheeses’, I’m not sure what exactly those cheeses were, but they were tasty, in abundance and cooked to perfection. The ham was shaved fine and absolutely delicious without being too overpowering, there was plenty of napoli under the cheese, possibly bordering on too much at times, and it was a touch too tomato-ey but this is only an extremely minor complaint to a near perfect parma. As for the quality of the chicken breast itself, I’ll let the cross section do the talking -

Now that’s a bird!

The thickness of the chicken in this photo throws the perspective off a little, but just understand that the chicken you are looking at is at least an inch thick, not counting the other toppings. The chicken to crumb to topping ratio was spot on. The breast itself was absolutely amazing, juicy, succulent, thick and natural. If this parma was a woman I’m pretty sure she’d look like Keeley Hazell

Succulent.

The chips and salad were both served in there own separate bowls, so the chips stayed fresh and crispy - they were minimally seasoned, there was salt and pepper on the table but they were still a bit bland - until the staff, without being asked, brought out a bunch of individual dipping pots of tomato sauce specifically for the chips. Loved this touch and loved the service. By the way, chips with tomato sauce is an amazing combination - I’m surprised nobody has thought of doing that before!

As I said earlier, the salad was served in its own bowl, a basic garden salad with lettuce, onion, cherry tomatoes and a healthy splash of balsamic vinegar - It’s hard to wow anyone with a garden salad, but the separate bowl and cherry tomatoes were a nice touch, even the reviewers who rarely give their salad a sniff dove into the bowl with gusto and came out scoring highly. Very nice.

The Exchange is a beautiful, down to earth pub that has a tick in every box, Unless you are reading this review on your phone while you are on your way to The Exchange I’m unsure why you are still reading. This is an amazing example of a parma that any enthusiast should try. It’s priced at $24.50, which is definitely up there on the price scale, but for a parma of this quality I was more than happy to pay it, and nobody left hungry. The separate plates were a fantastic touch that kept everything fresh and the individual sauce pots sealed the deal. This is how parma’s should be done.

Go.

Now.

Parma - 9.06

Chips - 7.75

Salad - 7.06

Value - 7.19

Total - 8.03

The search continues…

Attempt #60 - 'The Gladstone Park Hotel'

When? - 20th of July, 2011

Where? - Gladstone Park Hotel, 196 Mickleham Rd, Tullamarine

Price? – $21.50

Barry? - No

Website? -  None

Reviewers – Adam, Grace, Lee, Tony

Update 15/03/19 - we revisited the Gladdy in 2019 for an updated look (for both the pub and the parma) check it out here

The Gladstone Park Hotel. This is where I would normally insert the story of how we came across the pub in this weeks review, but to be honest there isn’t much of a story behind the Gladdy Pub, It’s rather close to where I work (what I do when I’m not eating parmas) and is one of those pubs that I’ve always seen but never really registered it as a place to get some food, maybe a cheeky beer and a quick pokies sesh, but as for a place to eat it never quite registered.

So imagine my surprise when we arrived at 7 to a packed bistro, If we didn’t have a booking I don’t think we would have gotten a table. I’d normally take a pub being so busy at 7 o’clock on a Wednesday to be a good sign. It’s a big place, with a bistro, TAB, lounge, pokies, drive through bottle shop and a motel out the back, its definitely a popular place for the locals to drop into for an after work drink

UPDATE: A fine young chap on the Parma Daze facebook just pointed out that the Gladstone Park hotel have a ‘Shop-a-docket’ going around, ‘Buy one meal, Get one Free’ Monday - Wednesdays, and come to think of it I remember a few people ordering with these at the time, so if you can get a shop-a-docket for a free parma go for it! (the “free” meal maxes out at $17.95, so the 2nd parma will cost you $3.55 - still a bargain)

We took our seats and perused the menu - the parma clocked in at $21.50, a little expensive but forgivable if the food is decent. We joined the massive queue to order our meals and placed our orders - An interesting sidenote - If the staff do not ask if you would like a garlic bread, you get a garlic bread for free. Everyone who ordered was hoping against hope that she would forget, but alas we got no free garlic bread, no matter how much we tried to Jedi-mind trick her into handing one over.

“You don’t need to ask us if we want garlic bread with our meal”

We paid for a garlic bread instead and it came out of the kitchen insanely quick, to the point where it almost beat us back to our own table after ordering.

There were a few mentions of special parma nights advertised around the pub, apparently Sunday is “Parmas of the World” nights and Friday is “Karaoke, Steak & Parma Night” unfortunately none of the advertising actually specified prices/what was involved in those specials, so thats all the information I have on them.

When we ordered the staff said it would be a 45 minute wait for our meals, after about 30 minutes they arrived - I was off playing the candy machine in the corner and came back to a piping hot parma sitting on the table. Awesome.

We have had a bad run of processed chicken the past few weeks, so when I saw that everyone’s parma was a different shape I silently wept with joy, it was real chicken breast. The chicken was thick, albeit a little small, but real chicken breast, it was well crumbed and cooked with a good covering of toppings (including smoked ham that added a nice smokey flavour to the meal) cheese/napoli/crumbs all good.

Due to the odd shape of my chicken it was hard to get a good cross-section, but heres the best I could do -

The chips had promise, beer battered chips are my favourite but unfortunately they were a bit of a let down. As you can see from the photo there was only a handful beside the parma, and I think we got the bottom of the chip barrel for the night as they tasted rather soggy, as if they had been sitting out for awhile, which I suppose is just luck of the draw - they had lots of potential and weren’t bad by any means, but could have been much better.

The salad was served in a separate bowl, a garden salad with carrot, cucumber, lettuce, onion, tomato with a creamy, almost ‘seafood cocktail’ dressing. It was a good size, fresh, crisp and tasty. As far as garden salads go, this was a good one.

Overall I enjoyed the parma at the Gladdy. It tasted great, and although the servings were a little small it was real chicken breast, and that can’t be beaten. $21.50 is a little expensive for what we got, but I’d definitely be interested in heading back on one of their specials nights to see what they have on offer. Oh, and the Candy Machine is a winner, its one of these ones…

and its full of all sorts of oddly shaped items that can very easily clear the entire tray of chocolate in one go, PROTIP - Aim for the cricket balls.

Parma - 6.5

Chips - 6.25

Salad - 6

Value - 4.88

Total - 6.03

The search continues…

Attempt #59 - 'Leo's Spaghetti Bar'

[info]

When? - 14th of July, 2011

Where? - Leo’s Spaghetti Bar, 55 Fitzroy St, St. Kilda

Price? – $14 for small parma, $19 for regular parma (see review for details)

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.leosspaghettibar.com.au/

Reviewers – Adam, Lee, Nikki, Pat[/info]

Todays review is going to be a downer, which is possibly why I procrastinated on writing it for so long, why it is coming to you guys a few days too late, and for that I apologise.

Some non-review related stuff first, if you aren’t interested in that stuff, scroll down until Tony Danza tells you to stop, the review of Leo’s will kick off there.

First up, some news, Those who follow our story of how Parma Daze came to be will know that all the reviewers used to meet at the Prince of Wales Hotel in Ascot Vale every Wednesday, for their Wednesday parma night - a parma that after 59 reviews we are yet to find an equal. About a year and a half ago The Prince of Wales was torn apart by fire, and the best parma in Melbourne was lost.

Unfortunately last week word came through the grapevine that its pretty certain the owners of the building have opted not to rebuild the pub and have asked the owners of the Prince of Wales to vacate the premises, looking to sell the building to developers.

The Prince of Wales was a huge part of many peoples lives, including my own - It was my second home, and I wouldn’t be where I am today without that pub, I met my fiancee under its roof, as well as some of my best mates. Hopefully a little bit of the Prince shall live on in Parma Daze, as we still refuse to rest until we find Melbourne’s perfect parma.

Farewell, Prince of Wales Hotel. You will be missed.

Since the early days of this website, one restaurant has come up pretty regularly in conversation, via email, facebook, twitter and even word of mouth, Leo’s Spaghetti Bar always came up as one we should try. On at least ten separate occasions I have been suggested Leo’s, and to those ten people who suggested it to me I apologise in advance, as this review is probably going to offend you guys.

We arrived at a semi-busy Leo’s and took our seat, we glanced at the menu but we were pretty clear on what we wanted… parmas. After a few attempts we managed to wave over a waitress to take our order, but on ordering we were posed with a question that I wasn’t prepared for - would we like the ‘special’ parma, or the parma on the menu. I asked what the difference between the two was and she responded ‘Oh just the size of the chicken is a bit smaller, the special one is $14 and the menu one is $19’ Curious but hungry, Reviewers Pat, Adam and Myself ordered the $19 meal and reviewer Nikki volunteered to try the $14 variety. We organized a garlic & cheese pizza to stave off our hunger while we waited.

Now a small garlic and cheese pizza doesn’t go very far when you split it amongst 4 people, so after the first one was demolished in about 7 seconds flat we decided to try another - again we had to wave like madmen to get the attention of the staff to place our order, eventually we got it through and garlic pizza no #2 came out at the same time as our chicken parmas fell in front of us.

$19 Parma -

$14 Parma -

I first saw my parma, and size-wise it was decent (at first glance, anyway) but I was shocked when I saw reviewer Nikki’s parma - everything was smaller, smaller salad, tiny amount of chips and the size of the parma itself was laughable, it looked as if you could put it in a bun and call it a chicken burger - It’s pretty obvious what happened, those darn neighbour kids were playing with their baseball in the backyard, the ball smashed through Leo’s kitchen window and bam

Honey, They shrunk our parma.

But back to my parma, There was barely any nude schnitzel, heaps of cheese and some shaved ham, however it was very light on the napoli, leaving the parma very dry. I mentioned the abundance of cheese before however it was absolutely tasteless and rubbery, reminiscent of cardboard. The chicken itself was a little thin after first cut, which you can see from the following cross section - The chicken seemed to be of good quality, however taste-wise it didn’t quite cut it.

The chips were shoe-string (aka. McDonalds) fries, stacked under the parma, there was a decent serving, however completely forgettable.

The side salad was quite good, large serving of lettuce, onion, rocket, cucumber, tomato and onion with a creamy caesar dressing - very tasty.

This parma was a massive let down, mostly because I had heard so many good things I was itching to try it. The difference between the ‘special’ and ‘regular’ parma was simply shocking, 90% of the places we visit offer the exact same meal on the special night as they do on the regular night, having such a drastic change for a $5 difference in price is just insane, especially since $15 still isn’t that cheap in the world of parmas! especially without a free pot.

Although we don’t score on it, the service at Leo’s also has to be mentioned, it may sound as if I’m just nitpicking now, but we were never approached to see if we needed anything, not once, From our first order, to several drinks during the meal, to even getting the bill at the end of the night, we had to go to extreme effort to get any attention from the staff.

We did go to Cold Rock afterwards though (a few doors up from Leo’s), that was friggin amazing.  I got Cookies & Cream ice cream mixed with cookie dough. Seriously, how good is Cold Rock!?.

Parma - 4.75

Chips - 4.00

Salad - 5.63

Value - 5.75

Total - 4.98

The search continues…

Attempt #58 - 'The Castle Hotel'

[info]

When? - 7th of July, 2011

Where? - The Castle Hotel, 56 Courtney St. North Melbourne

Price? – $19.50

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.thecastlehotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Cale, Grace, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Tony[/info]

We first discovered The Castle after we finished our parma at our current #1 holder - The Metropolitan Hotel, just a stones throw from the castle, We stopped in for some post parma bevvys on that night back in May last year and found it was a nice little spot, and seemed to have potential to serve up a decent bird. We added it to the list & a short year and two months later we were back! ready to see what The Castle had to offer.

We rocked up at seven and took our reserved table - the bistro is very well presented, almost looking like they provided table service (wine glasses on table, etc) yet we still had to order from the bar - I perused the menu and found the parma -

That sounds like a veritable treat for the tastebuds! we ordered our meals, grabbed a few pints and took a seat, before too long our parmas arrived!

If we gave points for presentation, this parma had it in spades, it looked fantastic! the parma itself was set on an angle against the salad bowl, to create cover fore the chips without smothering them. It looked fantastic and I was really looking forward to digging in. Unfortunately on first bite I realised I was going to be sorely disappointed, It was like biting into the most delicious looking piece of fruit and discovering it was plastic. From the wording on the menu I was expecting something full of flavour but to be perfectly honest it tasted like cardboard, as bland as a pair of beige pants.

The schnitzel was thin and processed, there was plenty of ham and cheese but they were both equally as tasteless

The chips were overcooked and just as uninspired, barely a handful on the plate, totally forgettable, The one positive would be that due to the triangle of safety created by the angle of the parma, they remained crispy to the end.

The salad was the most impressive thing on the plate, but honestly that isn’t saying much, a standard garden salad in a bowl (always a good move) with some rocket leaves, tomato, cucumber, onion and tomato with a mustard dressing - It was pretty tasty, but when the salad is the best part of the plate its a sad state of affairs

It wasn’t a bad parma to be honest, but it was just nothingness, like chewing on cardboard … it just had no taste, and for $19.50 thats a bit expensive for nothingness.

They do a special ‘$16 for everything on the menu Monday & Tuesday’ which would help the value score, but to be honest I wouldn’t be seeking this parma out anytime soon - especially with the amazing parma at The Metropolitan a few metres away.

Parma - 4.17

Chips - 4.17

Salad - 5.50

Value - 4.17

Total - 4.43

The search continues…

Attempt #57 - 'George's Hamburgers, Fish & Chips'

  [info] When? - 30th of June, 2011

Where? - George’s Hamburgers, Fish & Chips. 325 Keilor Rd, Essendon

Price? – $9.90 Barry? - No Website? - None

Reviewers – Lee, Nikki[/info]

Followers of the Parma Daze Twitter may be a tad confused, as I had posted earlier in the week that we were hitting up a pub that offered a triple parma, Alas (this week at least) it was not meant to be, we had a few regulars who couldn’t make it so our regular parma review squad dropped to two.

For this reason I figured we would forego the triple parma attempt in Thomastown and focus on a parma that was recommended to me on the PD Facebook that I have been meaning to try for awhile - The take away ‘parma pack’ at Georges Hamburgers, Fish & Chips, in Essendon. The reason it worked the best with a small group is that there isn’t really anywhere to eat at the fish & chip shop, sure there were a couple of tables outside, but on a freezing cold Melbourne night eating outside isn’t really an option, and the logistics of getting a large review team to get a take-away parma and eat it elsewhere would be a bit of a headache, thus small review team = easy take away review!

Okay, that was a long intro about nothingness, I’ll get to the parma. The take away parma has always been an elusive beast - We’ve all had that drunken conversation while standing at a kebab window at 3am saying “I wish I could get a take away parma right now… that would be the best” then dearly regretted buying said kebab the following morning.

Like bigfoot himself, the good take away parma has always been a myth, hoping we would be able to put the search to rest, we arrived at Georges and I scanned the menu, I was a little worried that we had the wrong place to begin with as I couldn’t see parmigiana listed anywhere, it wasn’t till I got to the very end of the menu board that I spotted it - Chicken parma pack - $9.90

We placed our order and waited around for them to cook it up, Normally this is the part of the review where I would discuss the establishment itself, but at a fish and chip shop I really don’t have much to report!

Its a small room divided by a counter, fryers on one side, waiting customers on the other, The chairs were comfy and the copies of ‘Womans Day’ seemed pretty current, so I guess thats something. As I was appreciating the possible copyright infringing artwork on the wall, our order was up.

Remember the days when all fish & chip shops had arcade machines to kill time? they should totally bring that back, that was awesome. We picked up our styrofoam containers of food, hopped in the car and headed home, as much as I enjoy the ambiance of Keilor Road, The comfort of my own place seemed the best option, and I’ve gotta say I enjoyed being able to watch Family Guy while I ate a parma sitting on my couch. On to the parma…  

I’ve gotta say I had zero expectations when I went into this parma, which is why when I cracked open the container I was pleasantly surprised, I cut into the schnitzel and it seemed thick enough, there was plenty of cheese, a little light on the napoli but the obligatory slice of ham was nowhere to be found.

The parma itself was okay - The crumbs tasted a little bit on the processed side and the lack of ham/little napoli was a bit of a let down, But when the only other option we have for a take away parma is the McCain’s offering, this chicken is like manna from heaven.

Underneath the parma were the chips, If you’ve ever had fish & chip shop chips before you know what they taste like, plentiful in number and fresh from the fryer with each parma, other than needing a bit of salt they were great, I had trouble getting through them all.

The salad was indeed a star, even though it was a take away parma it was one of the better salads we have ever had on one side we had a greek salad with lettuce, onion, cucumber, olives and fetta with a light french dressing.

On the other side there was a healthy dollop of creamy coleslaw, a most welcome addition that complimented the meal perfectly If you live in the area and feel like you could smash a quick parma then this is definitely one for you, call in advance and pick it up on the way past if you have a craving only parma can satisfy - you won’t be disappointed.

The parma itself was a slight let down, coming off a little too processed for my liking, but they definitely make up for it with the chips and salad, Neither myself nor Reviewer Nikki finished our containers (probably due to the huge amount of chips supplied). For only $9.90 its hard to go wrong.

Parma - 5.0

Chips - 5.25

Salad - 7.75

Value - 8.00

Total - 6.20

The search continues…

Special Attempt - 'The Underdog'

[info] When? - 16th of June, 2011

Where? - The Underdog 16a Clapham Common South Side, London

Price? – £9 Parma £10 Asahi Buckets (4 stubbies) £5 for 2 games bogan bingo on Thursday nights!

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.theunderdogbar.co.uk/

Reviewers – Stefo, Fridge[/info]

As I mentioned in previous reviews, a few weeks ago we lost two of our reviewers to the foggy shores of London town. We allowed them to leave the country on the promise that they would become roving reporters, sending us back parma reviews from across the pond when they found them, And they haven’t disappointed - I’ll let Reviewer Stefo take over as he sends us his report from The Underdog, London.

We have now been in London for nearly two weeks and we were yet to find a Parma on any pub menu! Desperately hoping to find one our hopes faded until by chance we were invited to Bogan Bingo on Thursday night at the Underdog by Runchy, one of Reviewer Fridges mates. So we got on the tube (which later turned out to be the Parma tube) and headed to Clapham Common.

Once getting off the tube we headed to the underdog which is about a 50m walk from the tube station. As we arrived there was a sea of tables all with bookings on them so bookings are essential for this one. We found our table, helped ourselves to a bucket of Asahi from the bar andmade ourselves comfortable. At this point in time I will send out a warning

….The underdog does offer table service for drinks but it will cost about £2 extra!

Upon sitting down we raised the menu to our eyes and there was only one thing I could read…. CHICKEN PARMAGANIA!

…The waitress came around and started at the opposite end of the table to me however within seconds she was up to me as the whole table of Aussies ordered Parma’s! There was a fair wait for our food but it was eased by the amount of gorgeous women that kept coming into view! By the time our Parma’s arrived, our jaws were well and truly touching the table.

 

It looked amazing! And with a healthy serving of curly fries I couldn’t wait to sink my teeth in! I started on the curly fries which were crisp tasty and very satisfying. I think they were also beer battered, but either way they were really good! Only one downside to the curly fries is that their roundness makes them prone to falling off your plate.

 I cut into my parma to find that it was quite thin and that the thickness I thought existed was actually more curly fries under my parma.

However the parma definitely wasn’t over crumbed and only had a couple of spots of nude schnitzel, it was fresh chicken and cooked very well. It didn’t exactly fill the plate but was very satisfying. The salad as we have noticed with most salads in this country was quite small and very stock standard with some rocket leaves, spinach and a dijonase dressing. 

The highlight of the night was yet to come however…. For any Aussie trvaelling to the motherland you simply MUST go to Bogan Bingo. Imagine every Bogan saying you can think of, combine it with two Bogan hosts, 2 games of Bingo, amazing prizes and unlimited laughs and you’ve got it!

Conversion rate: £10 = $15.35                       £5 = $7.67 £9= $13.81                           £2 = $3.07

I was shocked to see London town offer up such a tasty looking parma! those curly fries looked damn amazing didn’t they? I’m a little jealous I didn’t get to try them myself. Take note, Aussie parma makers! Curly fries are where its at!

Massive thanks to Reviewers Stefo & Fridge for taking the time, I hope you have all enjoyed this culinary vacation, we will be back next week with a Melbourne based review, so stay tuned! Also be sure to keep an eye on the Twitter for up to the minute information. Until then…

The search continues…

Attempt #56 - 'Hardimans'

When? - 16th of June, 2011

Where? - Hardimans - 521 Macaulay Rd, Kensington

Price? - $12 parma n’ pot Thursdays, normally $16

Website? - http://www.hardimans.com.au/

Reviewers - Adam, Cale, Grace, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Tony

update 07/09/18 - Hardimans has (thankfully) been gutted and given a complete overhaul - check out the new review by clicking here! 

I’m going to tell you straight up that this is not going to be a positive review - If you are a  fan of Hardimans are & are easily offended then you might want to stop reading, as this is not going to be pretty.

Yesterday at about lunchtime, I was looking on the Hardimans’ website to find a phone number so I could call and make a booking for the attempt that night, It was there that I noticed their website offered the option of online bookings through the Dimmi Restaurant booking system, which advertises on the Hardimans website as ‘Free, Instant & Guaranteed’. I booked the table via the Dimmi system and later that night we headed to Hardimans to get our parma on.

On arrival we informed the bar girl that we had a booking that we made online, we were met with the response ‘oh, we don’t check that’, So our ‘guaranteed’ booking was nonexistent. Luckily the pub was all but deserted so we got a table easily - not a terrible start to things, but definitely a precursor to what was in store.

We were still waiting on a couple more reviewers, so I went to the bar to get my standard pint of Bulmers. “ummm We are out of clean pint glasses” was the response I got from the bartender, which shocked me again, as, apart from the review team, there were about 4 other people in the pub at the time. I settled for a pot, the reviewer we were waiting on arrived, and we ordered our parmas.

Now, before I get on to the Parma, there are a couple of things I want to cover - First of all, Hardimans is a decent pub if you want a quiet pot (as apparently pints are out of the question). Its a cosy local with a live acoustic band, Jukebox, pool tables, a surprisingly spacious beer garden and even a tabletop Galaga machine. I’ve been to a few 21sts in the upstairs function room and never had a complaint, Until tonight.

After a decent wait (bordering on 40 minutes) our parmas arrived -

Straight away one of the reviewers commented on the pre-fabricated heart shape of the chicken and the ring of nude schnitzel around the outside, there was a single slice of ham in the center and the cheese was well cooked. Our suspicions were correct about the chicken itself - prefab city, the crumbs were hard and fell away from the chicken, the napoli was virtually nonexistent, as was the chicken itself. there was probably 2 bites of parma taken from the exact center that had enough of all the combined toppings to taste decent, but otherwise this was an absolute train wreck of a parma.

The cross section below will show what I mean about the pre-fab chicken, apologies for the low quality iPhone photo.

The chips, which arrived sandwiched directly under the parma, were stone cold and completely unseasoned, If there was any positive is that there were quite a lot of them, but as bad as they were I didn’t finish them

The salad was a few leaves, a slice of tomato, some onion and cucumber barely any dressing and came across as a complete afterthought. 

Overall it was a terrible parma, The parma, the chips and the salad were all plain bad, It was cheap - Thursday parma night was $12 with a free pot which isn’t too bad, but I’d rather pay more and get a parma that actually had flavour - The regular menu has the parma listed as $16, and I’d be very pissed off if that is what I paid for the meal.

Now we get to the highlight of the night, I had finished my meal but a few reviewers still had some to go when there was an unexpected arrival at our review. About 2 ft from where I was sitting there was a pole supporting the roof, beside the pole was a small crack, out of the crack a little furry friend decided he wanted to give his opinion on the parma score, multiple times we saw a mouse come and go from the hole - completely comfortable with a loud pub (and the screams from our female reviewers). I felt a little sick and what was remaining of the uneaten parmas went uneaten.

I always thought Hardimans was one of those ‘faux dirty’ pubs to give it some style, but having 1. No clean pint glasses and 2. Mice openly running around on the floor Isn’t faux dirty at all, its just dirty.

Parma - 2.86

Chips - 3.14

Salad - 1.57

Value - 5.14

Total - 3.11

The search continues…

Attempt #55 - 'The Waterside Hotel'

[info]

When? - 9nd of June, 2011

Where? - The Waterside Hotel, Corner of Flinders St. and King St. Melbourne

Price? - $18 with free Melbourne longneck

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.watersidehotel.com.au/

Reviewers - Adam, Lee, Nikki, Pat[/info]

Before this review I had heard very conflicting reports about the Waterside Hotel’s parma, ranging from ‘god awful’ to ‘freaking amazing’, It has been on our list for a very long time but seemed to always get pushed down the queue (probably out of fear of it being as awful as some of the reports said). It was time, we could postpone no more and on Thursday night we headed down to the Waterside Hotel to see what they had on offer.

We arrived and took a seat in the bar area (there is a separate dining room if you are feeling a little bit fancy), an image on the TV screen and on the little menu cards on the table informed us that Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights at the Waterside offer up a parma special - $18 for a parma and a longneck of Melbourne Bitter. Now Melbourne isn’t my first choice for beer by any means, but when they are handing out free longnecks who am I to say no?!

We ordered our parmas and started our meal off with a bowl of wedges, which were fantastic, the garlic aoli was amazing and the wedges themselves were seasoned to perfection - if these wedges were in any way a precursor to the meal that was to come the Waterside was going to rate very well indeed.

Wedgealicious!

Before long our parma’s trotted out of the kitchen, when we ordered our meals we already had pints in hand, so the staff were nice enough to put our longnecks on ice until the food arrived, we cracked our beers and dug in

The chicken was smallish with a nasty rim of schnitzel nudity, It was thick enough, without an overdose of crumbs and actually carried a decent flavour, although it seemed small I had trouble getting through the whole thing (although the pre-parma wedges may have played a part in that) The napoli, ham and cheese were plentiful, everything was there and tasted pretty okay, although the whole thing had a bit of an air of processed chicken that I couldn’t get out of my head

The chips were great, not quite as good as the wedges mind you, but plentiful in supply, well cooked, seasoned, and not smooshed down by the parma

I am a big fan of salads in separate bowls, that way the dressing doesn’t leak to the chips and soggify them (add that one to the parma daze dictionary - soggify  v. ‘sog-ee-fi’ - To make soggy, moist). The salad was a standard garden salad but fresh, well dressed and tasty, a great accompaniment to the meal

I’m not quite sure how to sum up this review - The Waterside is a great pub, spacious with options for dining, drinking or lounging (with the deck upstairs for a summer night) it is a great place to stop in for a beer or seven - I’m actually headed there this Saturday night to do just that. The parma .. argh… the sides were top quality, the salad was great, and $18 with a longneck is awesome value, but I just feel as if they cheaped out on the parma itself a little. On a non- Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday night the parma runs at $19.50 without a longneck, I must admit I would be disappointed if I got what I did and paid that much. I think my final verdict would be this -

Definitely hit this parma on a Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday night to get the $18 parma n’ longneck deal, its well worth it, all other times I would give it a miss, it just comes off as a little too cheap for $19.50. Good sides though.

Parma - 6.00

Chips - 5.75

Salad - 6.25

Value - 7.50

Total - 6.30

The search continues…

Attempt #54 -'PJ O'Brien's - Melbourne Airport'

When? - 2nd of June, 2011

Where? - PJ O’Brien’s, Melbourne Airport

Price? - $18

Barry? - No

Website? - http://www.pjobriens.com.au/

Reviewers - Adam, Cale, Grace, Janet, Lee, Nikki, Tony Q

To this date, PJ O’Brien’s Melbourne Airport is the only pub to have turned us away, Back in October last year we rocked up to Terminal 3 ready to get our parma on, only to find the place packed to capacity and we were left without a table, we ended up driving down the road the Westmeadows Tavern which, although expensive, wasn’t terrible. After that night a part of me always wondered ‘what if”. Every time I went to the airport it crossed my mind, So last night we bit the bullet, loaded up the parma bus and most importantly booked a table before heading down.

I mentioned in Last week’s attempt that we were losing one of our most committed reviewers to the foggy land of London for a few years, and in a double whammy of convenience a parma at PJ’s served as a great chance to get some chicken in us before bidding him farewell…

We arrived and took our seats at our rather large table up the front of the pub. For a little hole-in-the-wall at the airport I was impressed, once you enter past the first room you could forget you were in the airport all together. It sticks to the ‘Irish pub’ franchise theme pretty well - cosy booths, lots of wood and assorted Irish-themed paraphernalia adorning the walls, There’s even a small beer garden to the side complete with umbrella so you don’t get wet during all of those pesky indoor rainstorms that plague Melbourne airport.

After a very short wait, two of the seven parmas ordered arrived at our table, unfortunately it was a good 10 minute wait after those ones came out that the others joined them. I’m not sure how to feel about this, yes they were busy and I’d rather have the parmas that are ready come out straight away as opposed to waiting under the heat lamps for the others to be prepared, but at the same time 10 minutes is a long time to be watching your mates eat their delicious parma while you wait for yours, I think thats how the French revolution started, Everybody knows Marie Antoinette never actually said “Let them eat cake”, what she actually said was “Let them eat parmas”. Prove me wrong.

So after a short wait that felt like an eternity, our chicken arrived.

I must say I wasn’t expecting much from this parma, and it turns out I was pleasantly surprised, the schnitzel was big and thick, the crumbs were a little processed but not thick by any means, the chicken was good quality and there was a good helping of the trifecta of toppings, Napoli in particular was both tasty (very Tomatoey - it is too a word!) and in abundance. There were some slight nude schnitzel issues, and when the nude part was eaten the taste of the processed crumbs definitely shone through, but ninety percent of the time it was smooth sailing, the cross section below will show the good crumb/chicken/topping ratio

The chips were a bit of a let down, only a handful shoved to the side (at least not under the parma), they were well cooked and crispy but as tasteless as cardboard - I didn’t even finish the small serving I was given.

The salad, while big, was a little bland, a heap of lettuce and not much else, like the chips everything seemed tasteless. There was dressing, but it was so mild I could barely place the flavour.

PJ’s offered up a decent parma that was let down by poor sides. It was pretty darn good, however if I wasn’t already at the airport I couldnt justify seeking it out again as parking alone cost us $20.

It is a fantastic place to stop in for a beer and a meal if you are travelling/saying goodbye to loved ones, and if it’s your last chance to try a parma before heading overseas definitely give it a try, it sure beats the hell out of airplane food!

Parma - 7.00

Chips - 5.14

Salad - 5.64

Value - 6.14

Total - 6.19

The search continues…