#126 - 'Naughton's Parkville Hotel'

When? – 24/1/13

Where? – 43 Royal Pde, Parkville

Price? - $22 Classic Parma, $22.50 Calabrese Parma

Website? - http://parkvillehotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Cale, Fridge, Kylie, Lee, Matt, Nikki, Shanan, Stefo

Update 30/11/18 - We revisited naughton’s after some extensive renovations. check out the updated review here

Upon walking into the recently reopened Parkville Hotel I was instantly impressed. A fantastically executed renovation has breathed new life into this pub, while retaining a classical atmosphere.

Walking in past the patrons enjoying some bevvies in the sun on the tables out the front, I spied what appeared to be a small beer garden out the back, which I (unfortunately) didn’t get a chance to check out. We were seated in the front bar, I grabbed a pint of cider and we checked out the menu -

Naughton’s Parkville serves an array of classic pub food with what appears to be an Italian twist, I saw a few wood fired pizzas and hamburgers go past that looked very impressive. But we stayed on task and ordered our parmas (three of the eight in attendance went with the ‘Calabrese’ option for an extra 50c)

One thing I noticed with the classic parma after placing the order is that, in keeping with the Italian theme, this is more of a “traditional” parmigiana - meaning no slice of ham.

We’ve had parmas that have omitted the ham before, and it isn’t always a negative (The parma that started all of this was also pork-free, and we still consider that the best we’ve had). So I held my judgement until I tried it … Although I will say that when I noticed it was missing I regretted not going with the Calabrese Parma instead.

I was three quarters of the way through my first pint when our parmas arrived from the kitchen. The ‘This schnitzel is shaped like Australia’ joke is an old standard, but this took it to a whole new level…

The schnitz was first-rate. A not-too-thick and not-too-thin juicy breast of chicken, perfectly crumbed and tasted amazing - it’s a sign of quality when you don’t mind a bit of schnitzel nudity, as it tastes just as good without the toppings.

The cheese was grilled to a perfect golden brown and kept its taste and texture through to the end, I just wish there was a bit more tomato sugo on the dish, as it was a little dry on the napoli in some spots, and felt like I was eating just a cheese covered schnitzel.

I hate to say it, but although it was a damn tasty parma, A slice of smoked ham would have really brought this dish to life - I tried my hardest not to miss it, but I did.

When I was doing my pre-parma research earlier in the week the menu had a third option, alongside the Classic and the Calabrese there was a prosciutto alternative that I think would have been amazing, Sadly it was absent from the menu last night - hopefully it makes a re-appearance.

I didn’t get a photo of it but the Calabrese parma looked pretty much the same, just with a few slices of salami dotted around on top of the cheese.

The chips were pretty standard. Well cooked but unseasoned and in rather short supply. The salt shaker on the table was used liberally but once it was the chips turned out to be a perfectly serviceable side to the meal.

The salad was a disappointment. A handful of lettuce drizzled with some oil and vinegar. Thats it. For a pile of lettuce it tasted okay for what it was, but it was just boring - a major let down compared to the rest of the meal.

$22 for the standard is pretty standard these days, According to various sources on the internet, Thursday night is 25% off parmas, pizzas and drinks if you have a student ID, however I saw no advertising of that once we arrived, So I wouldn’t bank on it without a bit more research.

All in all Naughton’s served up a damn quality parma that was let down by some lackluster sides. Those who had the Calabrese option were particularly impressed (still kicking myself that I didn’t go that option!). It was a perfect size, I arrived hungry and left quite satisfied.

The pub looks great and has been gorgeously renovated. There were plenty of other great looking items on the menu that I’ll definitely be back to try - here’s hoping the prosciutto parma makes a re-appearance by the time I do!

Parma - 8.63

Chips - 6.31

Salad - 3.44

Value - 6.75

Total - 6.75

The search continues…

Attempt #125 - 'Taco Bill'

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When? – 17/1/13

Where? – 353 Keilor Rd, Essendon (also available at Kensington store)

Price? - $21.90

Website? - http://www.tacobill.com.au/

Reviewers – Fridge, Lee, Nikki, Stefo[/info]

We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming…

We’re back! And to kick off the 2013 season we are coming straight out of the gate with a bit of a curveball.

Everyone knows Taco Bill, It’s the place where all the people who go to the cricket get those massive sombrero’s (and they also sell Mexican food, I think).

But what you may not know is that a few Taco Bill’s around town have put a very interesting “Mexi-Parma” on their specials board. It has been spotted at two locations that we know of so far (Essendon and Kensington), and if you know of any more that are doing it, let me know on The Facebooks or Tweeter.

Right off the bat I am going to preface this review - This is not a traditional parma. If you are going in expecting your standard schnitzel-cheese-ham-napoli with a side of chips and salad then you are going to be sorely disappointed  but if you are willing to try new things, then you might just find something damn interesting.

We arrived at Taco Bill and scored a great table by the front window. This particular Taco Bill has quite a few options when it comes to seating - there’s the front dining room, a seperate upstairs dining room, and for those warm summer nights there is an outdoor bar/beer garden/dining area out the back…

I started the meal with a Mexican staple - The Margarita -

I went with the ‘Fruit Tingle’ flavour, and good lord was it tasty, pictured is just the standard size, but if you’re in for a big night it’s hard to go past the fishbowl margarita…

The ordering of which ensures both a good night, and a kickass sombrero.

But enough about the drinks, on to the parmage! We placed our orders and sipped on our drinks while we waited, after a rather short wait the plates arrived at our table -

I’d like to re-iterate… non traditional

Okay, where to start. Imagine you have a quality chicken schnitzel in front of you, well crumbed, decent thickness, good size. Tasty, yes? Now imagine opening up a burrito and covering the schnitzel with the contents. Genius? definitely!

The schnitzel was covered in a healthy layer of chili con carne, and topped with plenty of cheese. If you don’t like chili, then this isn’t the parma for you - as chili is definitely the dominant flavour of this dish. Having so much flavour in the topping, it would have been easy for Taco Bill to phone it in with a low quality chicken breast, but not here - the schnitzel was surprisingly good quality.

If I could ask for one addition to the parma, I would say (being a Mexi-parma) it is sorely in need of some sour cream or guacamole to balance out the chili, either on top or on the side, either of those would compliment the dish perfectly and take it to the next level.

Now, in keeping with the non-traditional theme, the standard Chips and Salad are gone, and replaced with sides of Mexican rice and cheesy frijoles (beans), These were a fine side, and although I missed my chippies I think they would have been out of place with this parma - The rice tasted great, as did the frijoles.

Pricing in at $21.90 is perfectly acceptable for what you’re getting, I did not leave Taco Bill hungry after that dish, and I think you’d struggle to find someone who would.

In short, Taco Bill serves up one of the best novelty parmas we have come across, but it is still a novelty parma - You have to be ready for that before you arrive. But if you have an open mind, head down to Taco Bill, order yourself a fishbowl and a parma, and enjoy!

Parma - 7.33

Sides - 6.33

Value - 6.67

Total - 6.80

The search continues…

Parma of the Year 2012 - 'The Imperial Hotel'

It wasn’t a big surprise, was it?

The Imperial Hotel has been on the top of our Ladder since August and we revisited two weeks ago to give their amazing Turkey Parma a try. When it comes to the most outstanding parma of 2012, the Imperial definitely takes the cake.

This post will be relatively short, as I’ve said everything that needs to be said about the Imperial Here and Here, but in short, if you’re a lover of a quality pub and a parma you would struggle to top, then you must pay the Imperial a visit. Now.

The golden chook, or the “dazey” … which do you think has a better ring?

We arrived at The Impy and wasted no time in ordering our celebratory end of year parma’s - before too long (and for the last time in 2012) the parmas hit the table…

Glorious

Just as I remembered it from August, the Imperial parma continues to tick every box, great quality, beatifully hand crumbed schnitzel, chips with both tomato sauce and garlic aoli for dippage, and a salad … hold on …

The salad has had an upgrade!

There are two ingredients in the world that make any dish better, the first one being bacon (duh) but who can tell me the second?

If you answered “cheese” you’re right!

The salad has had a complete redo, and the addition of shaved cheese on top really brings it to life. It’s not quite as healthy anymore, but if you’re eating the Imperial parma then I’m pretty sure you aren’t counting calories.

We finished our meals and presented the Dazey to Stephen, the Manager of the Imperial

Which was promptly given prime position over the drinks in the front bar…

And we were done! We stayed back at the Impy for a few celebratory pints to finish of a stellar year of parma hunting. The year in which we celebrated our 100th parma with an amazing road trip, and awarded our second Dazey (click here for the rundown of last year’s Dazey award)

Thanks to everyone for reading, and if you think you know of a pub that could challenge The Imperial’s crown be sure to let us know over on the facebook or twitter and we will check it out in the new year.

Thanks to The Imperial Hotel for putting up with our nonsense, and from everyone here at Parma Daze I hope you all have an amazing christmas, an even better new years, and we will catch you all with some brand new parma news in January!

The search continues…

Attempt #124 - 'Tonik Bar'

When? – 7/12/12

Where? – 524 Macaulay Rd, Kensington

Price? - $22.00

Website? - http://www.tonikbar.com.au/

Reviewers – Fridge, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Stefo

**UPDATE** 23/7/15 - Tonik has closed its doors and re-opened as Lost and Found Bar & Tattoo Studio ... with a much better parma! Check out the full review of the new establishment here. 

Tonik has been on the top of our list for quite a while. Literally.

Here’s a picture…

So with the end of the year upon us I simply couldn’t venture into 2013 (or the Mayan apocalypse) without testing the Tonik parma, we loaded up the parma bus and headed to Kensington.

The reason it has taken so long for us to get to Tonik is that up until a few weeks ago,  apart from their Tuesday $17 ‘Parma and a pot’ special, with 7 different kinds of novelty parma on the menu, there was no chicken parma available on any other day of the week. It was only recently that they included the holy bird on their regular menu.

We arrived to a surprisingly busy little bar, took our seats and placed our orders. For some reason the upstairs area of Tonik was taken over by a makeshift craft market on this particular Thursday, quite an odd thing to find above a bar, but we had a browse, taste-tested some banana bread and sniffed some scented candles - a fun little distraction while we awaited the arrival of our parmas.

Just as we finished browsing our food arrived.

My first thought was that the schnitzel looked quite small, warning bells rang, but we have been fooled by a small looking shnitz in the past, and they usually make up for it in thickness. Which this parma kind of did, it was not only quite thick, but it was dense. It’s hard to explain and I don’t think I’ve ever described chicken as dense before, but this was definitely it, and it was quality chicken, although as thick as you can be, it was still rather small.

Unfortunately thats about where the positives end, the napoli tasted watered down and far too peppery (especially for those around the table that don’t eat pepper - thats what its in the shakers on the table for)

The cheese and ham where there, but I had trouble detecting their taste over the overpowering pepper flavour.

The chips were in short supply, undercooked and had bit of a starchy aftertaste to them, everyone reached for the salt and supplied tomato sauce squeeze bottle to try and salvage them a little.

The garden salad was a disappointment, more of an afterthought than a side dish - a pile of oily rocked with a very light sprinkle of some other veggies on top. The oil gave it an unpleasant aftertaste that wasn’t very enjoyable at all.

Opinion about the parma itself varied around the table, but thoughts about the side dishes seemed pretty unanimous…

For what is on the plate, $22 is quite high for what you get. A small schnitzel, minimum chips and an afterthought of a salad. For $17 with some novelty toppings and a free pot I would be happier, hell for $17 and nothing else I would be happier, but if It wasn’t on a Tuesday I wouldn’t travel very far out of my way to try this one again.

I was disappointed with Tonik as I had heard good things and had such high hopes. The parma itself wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great, and the rest of the package was a major let down.

Major let down

Well that’s all she wrote! Our last ranked parma of the year - be sure to tune in next week as we award the Dazey award for best parma of 2012! (how exciting).

Parma - 6.30

Chips - 3.20

Salad - 3.20

Value - 3.80

Total - 4.56

The search continues…

Special Holiday Attempt - 'The Imperial Christmas Parma'

So my original plan was to do the entire review in the form of a re-written version of A Visit from St. Nicholas, but after doing just the first verse I realised how much of a stretch that would be, its a really long poem and I’m already pushing it - shrubs dont stir, even if they are crazy excited.

Last week I received an email from our current No #1 pub, The Imperial Hotel, with some very interesting news - They were launching a new Christmas parma on December 1st  and they wanted the Parma Daze team to come and give it a try. We figured it was a perfect time to get a holiday special on the site (plus I’d never turn up the chance for a parma at The Imperial), so we loaded up the Parma-Sleigh and headed back for the first time since our initial review!

The pub hasn’t changed, still as cosy, warm and inviting as ever, As we took our seats in the dining room we had one thing on our minds. The christmas parma. We got our hands on a flyer to see what we were in store for…

We placed our orders and awaited the arrival. A turkey parma? would it be good? how would the cranberries in place of napoli go?

I won’t lie, I was a bit worried, even when we are at a pub with novelty parmas I rarely go any more extreme than a “mexican” so a turkey parma with cranberry sauce is a completely new ballpark.

before long our dishes arrived

It looked… Like a parma! Slightly smaller than the chicken schnitzel but still pretty sizeable. I picked up my knife and fork and cut my first bite.

It was damn good.

As soon as I tried it all of my concerns were out the window - My major worry was that there were a lot of very strong flavours on the dish - any of which could have overpowered the thing, but they all complimented each other fantastically. The brie, the ham, the turkey and the cranberries all worked together amazingly well.

Now, it is different than your regular parma, the sweetness of the cranberries add a completely new flavour, it kind of reminded me of honey or lemon chicken that you get at chinese restaurants, but on a plump, fresh turkey breast.

The chips were the same as last time - still served in a separate bowl to minimize sogginess, keeping them crisp and delicious.

Instead of a salad the Christmas parma is served with a bowl of veggies, I thought this was a fantastic choice, as it rounded out the whole vibe of a hearty turkey dinner. I thought it was a great choice, however some of the opinion around the table was that the option of a garden salad would be nice.

This is gonna be a short review as we covered all the basics of the original Imperial Parma in our first visit. The Christmas Parma is only available in December and I can’t recommend it highly enough, get down to the Imperial and try it while you can!

Okay, that was awful, Note to self, don’t quit day job and become the “Weird Al” of 18th century poetry.

The search continues…

Attempt #123 - 'Deluxe Bar & Lounge'

[info]

When? – 22/11/12

Where? – 593 Mount Alexander Rd, Moonee Ponds

Price? - $10 Thursday parma night

Website? - http://deluxebar.com.au/

Reviewers – Cale, Fridge, Kim, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Stefo, Tony[/info]

**EDIT - This review is no longer valid! We revisited Deluxe in 2015 for another look at their (now Friday) $10 parma night. Check it out here!

Ahhh Deluxe. Local club in which I have downed many a Jäger bomb, pint of cider or shot of tequilla, Never did I think I would be enjoying a parma in its hallowed halls, but with the recent opening of the Deluxe rooftop bar we did exactly that.

After walking through a bit of a maze to get to the top, I was amazed by what Deluxe had done to the rooftop… I don’t normally take photos inside the pubs we review, but this definitely warranted one -

Plenty of tables, an outdoor bar, a retractable cover in case the weather turns - This is a great spot for a summer afternoon sesh, and on Thursday night’s the $10 parma special makes it all the more inviting.

We grabbed some menu’s just to see what we were up against -

Regularly priced the parma comes in at $18, still pretty cheap, but being Tightarse Thursday we placed our $10 parma orders.

Before too long they arrived from the kitchen…

The schnitzel was bigger than I was expecting and crumbed with fresh herbs that added a fantastic zing. The generous serving of ham added great flavour to the dish, however there was quite a bit of nude schnitz (due to some very curly ham), the cheese was kinda tasteless and the napoli was a bit watery.

Due to it being a discount parma My expectations weren’t high going in, but I was pleasantly surprised. It’s not fantastic by any means but for a $10 meal its very hard to complain.

After an extended absence, the ParmaCam makes a shaky return! -

[youtube id="ysGIUIXqSf8" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were beer battered, fresh and well seasoned. accompanied the parma adequately and were a fine addition to the meal, I can’t really come up with any more to say about them … They were fine, probably could’ve used a few more.

The salad was a very mixed bag. The score for salad around the table fluctuated wildly as everyone got a different amount of ingredients - Reviewer Fridge got a hearty salad of Rocket, onion, carrot, tomato, cucumber and I think I even saw some capsicum in there. I, however, got a plate of rocket, with a sprinkle of onion and some dregs of a tomato (you’ll be able to see it in the ParmaCam above).

All in all Deluxe’s entry onto the parma scene is a mixed bag. It certainly has it’s faults, but its very hard to complain when for only ten bucks I had a parma on a gorgeously renovated rooftop courtyard and walked away with a full stomach. If I had to pay full price ($18) I’d probably be signing a different tune, but the ease on my wallet definitely helped me overlook its imperfections. If you love a cheap feed it’s definitely worth checking out.

Parma - 6.25

Chips - 6.31

Salad - 4.69

Value -  8.69

Total - 6.44

The search continues…

Attempt #122 - 'The Rising Sun Hotel'

[info]

When? – 15/11/12

Where? – 395 Swan St, Richmond

Price? - $15 with pot Thursday, Normally $20

Website? - http://www.theriser.com.au/

Reviewers – Cale, Fridge, Lee, Matt, Nikki, Stefo[/info]

When the Rising Sun won the vote in an absolute landslide last week, I had high hopes we were in for a good parma - It has been awhile since we’ve had a discount parma deal, so the prospect of a $15 parma and pot definitely tickled our fancy.

The Riser feels out of place, it feels like a pub you would find in a country town - not the middle of Richmond. We took our seats in the bistro, placed our orders, collected our free pots and awaited the arrival of our parmage. After a short wait (and after a lovely pre-game of bruschetta and wedges) the parmas arrived from the kitchen.

This was a hard one to judge. there were some pro’s and there were some cons, and in the end opinion amongst the group was pretty divided.

The schnitzel was big enough, but pretty heavy on the crumbs. Speaking of the crumbs they were rather thick and soggy all the way over. The chicken was juicy but didn’t carry much flavour - either did the cheese and the ham. In fact the only part of the meal that carried any real flavour was the napoli sauce - It was very thick, tomato paste-ish and pretty much overpowered the whole meal

The chips were fairly solid, Beer battered, good flavour and well seasoned - their major downfall being that they tasted as if they had been sitting out for a while - a fresh batch of these babies would have been a fantastic addition to the meal.

The salad was a bit of a disappointment - despite being in a separate bowl the lettuce was wilted, and balsamic dressing seemed watered down, lacking any real flavour.

Like I mentioned earlier - Opinion was divided this week, the quotes run the gamut from “not bad” to “awful”…

It’s hard to complain about a $15 parma & pot deal, I’m aware this review hasn’t been quiteuseful in helping you decide whether to try it or not, but if you want to give it a go $15 is probably worth the gamble. You won’t be blown away by it, but its not overly offensive either.

This is the hardest kind of parma to review - the middle of the road. I can’t recommend it, yet at the same time I cant discourage a visit. If you’re in the area on a Thursday it’s worth checking out, otherwise I’d give the Rising Sun a miss.

Parma - 5.08

Chips - 4.67

Salad - 1.67

Value - 6.83

Total - 4.67

The search continues…

Attempt #121 - 'The Wharf Hotel'

[info]

When? – 8/11/12

Where? – 18-38 Siddeley Street, Melbourne

Price? - $22

Website? - http://wharfhotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Adam, Fridge, Lee, Nikki, Stefo[/info]

Two weeks ago The Wharf Hotel won the facebook vote by a pretty big landslide (20 votes to the Wharf, 12 for Deluxe Bar and 3 for Naughtons Parkville Hotel). Then stuff came up last week that prevented us from doing a review so this week we loaded up the parma bus and headed to the docklands, and the Wharf Hotel. Voting for next week’s attempt will be live on the facebook page till Monday night, go and tell us where to go!

Located within the World Trade Center complex (across the river from Polly Woodside) The Wharf Hotel is an impressive pub. Beautiful beer garden right on the river, complete with plenty of plasma screens and an outdoor fireplace, not to mention the gorgeous interior with extremely cosy leather lined booths, which is where we found ourselves last night…

Straightforward. We placed our orders and before too long we were greeted by our parmas -

At first glance the parma looked solid, the crumbs on the schnitzel were quality and it seemed to be of decent thickness, kinda small, but thick. It wasn’t until we took a bite that we were let down.

While being thick, the chicken was as dry as a dead dingo’s donger, dry and stringy, I had to take sips of my pint between each mouthful to retain a bit of moisture.

The toppings were okay, but they were just bland. Boring, dull and humdrum (thanks thesaurus.com!). The napoli was tasteless, the ham probably carried the most flavour out of all the toppings (and thats not saying much) and the cheese was … just cheese.

Nothing about the parma was particularly offensive, but it wasn’t good, and it certainly wasn’t twenty-two dollars good.

Not much to say about the chips - McDonalds fries, decent seasoning and well cooked but not many of them, If a pub is resorting to fries over chips then I want a healthy serve of them.

Now, to be fair to what I’m about to say about the salad, the menu did state that the parma was served with “leafy greens” and not “salad”. But whatever you call it, it was rocket and a few slivers of onion tossed in oil. A complete afterthought and not worth the effort of putting it on the plate.

As the review team mentioned in their comments, if this was a $10 parma I would have left satisfied, but $22 for a small parma with Maccas chips and weeds on the side left a very bad taste in our mouths.

Apparently they run a $15 novelty parma Monday which would be worth checking out (inexplicably these ones are served with “steak chips” and not fries. why not put the steak chips on the full sized parma!?) That would be worth checking out, but I wouldn’t go too far our of my way to get there.

An aesthetically amazing pub in a fantastic location with a top notch view. Too bad the parma was such a let down.

Parma - 5.30

Chips - 4.70

Salad - 3.40

Value - 3.80

Total - 4.50

The search continues…

Cooking with Parma Daze #2 - 'The pork rind experiment'

Hello Hello!

This post was supposed to go up much earlier on the weekend, but things happened that prevented it (mostly me being far too sick to consider writing words).

A few weeks back I was struck with a revelation. Pigs are delicious, chicken parmas are delicious. So how could we combine these magical delights past the simple slice of ham or bacon?

Pork rinds.

I put it out on the social networks to see what kind of response it would get -

Well that was that, I had to give it a try. I was struck down with a sore throat come Wednesday and by the time Thursday had rolled around I was well on the way to being sick - not as bad as I would get later in the weekend, but enough that the CBF’s majorly kicked in and I pushed our scheduled attempt at The Wharf Hotel another week.

I Headed to LaManna and loaded up on supplied for what had been dubbed “The pork rind experiment”

Chicken, ham, cheese, eggs (for crumbing) Leggo’s Napoli, some beer battered chips, nandos perinaise for chip-dippage and a bottle of Tabasco to give the napoli a bit of a kick.

Then there was the star of the day … The pork rinds -

Now I took a lot of pictures of the cooking process, so from here on until the finished product there will probably be more photos than words. Enjoy!

First of all I put the pork rinds in the blender, I wanted them to have a slightly rough texture so I made sure to only use the occasional “pulse” setting to give them a gentle crushing, but not reduce them to pork-paste.

The finished product. It smelled like pork. Pork and salt. But mostly pork

Next up I took out the mallet and went “fifty shades of grey” all over the chicken breast. I’m not a big fan of overly-pounded chicken, so after a few whacks it used the safe-word (“Rasputin” for the curious) and she was ready for the crumbing.

A dip in the egg then into the rind

Voila! Pork rind crumbed chicken schnitzel. at this stage I was optimistic. Doesn’t it look good!

Covered the tray in foil and put her in the oven for 20 minutes, then uncovered for another 20. While I waited I got the chips ready, dosed them with a healthy whack of chicken salt and slid them in alongside the schnitz.

The toppings were watching, ready to go…

And after 40 minutes in the oven, the schnitz was done!

Time for the toppings, all loaded up and ready to go back into the hot box.

After a few minutes she was done!

Once she came out of the oven I assembled the parma on the plate with the chips (which I did manage to overcook slightly, but nothing terrible) Got my chip dip ready, cracked a beer and prepared to tuck in.

IT’S ALIVE!!!

I picked up the knife and fork, steadied them in my hands, I could feel my heart pounding as I slowly lowered them to the plate. I pierced the schnitzel with the fork as I brought the sharp knife down to the chicken, tearing through the flesh until I heard the clink  of metal on ceramic.

I lifted the fork, I could feel the added weight of the portion I had cut. As I lifted the chicken the scent of roast pork filled my nostrils. I couldn’t handle it any further. I closed my eyes and ate…

And it was fucking dreadful.

It’s hard to explain just how bad it was without being there to try it. But imagine buying a lemon gelato on a hot summers day, you bring the lemon gelato to your lips but when you bite into it instead of tasting lemon gelato it tastes like BBQ pork ribs.

Now I’m sure those pork ribs are delicious, but when the brain is expecting one thing and gets another it throws it out of whack.  The meal smelled very strongly of roast pork, yet it tasted like chicken parma, and on the travel from plate to mouth my brain got the signal loud and clear that “I’m getting roast pork, yum, I love roast po…OMGWTF WHY AM I EATING PARMA?!”

And the brain confusion wasn’t the only problem, the texture was terrible, I was expecting more of a ‘crunch’ to the crumbs but once they hit the parma they were extremely fluffy, it just didn’t work, as if the parma was covered in a very thin layer of salty marshmallows.

It seems odd to spend an entire post devoted to showing you how to cook something that I’m telling you is absolutely terrible, but thems the breaks.

Hope everyone had a great cup weekend, we’ll be visiting The Wharf Hotel this week, details up Friday (for real this time).

Next week - Parma crumbed in prawn crackers!*

The search continues…

*not really.

Attempt #120 - 'The Carlton'

[info]

When? – 25/10/12

Where? – The Carlton. 193 Bourke St. Melbourne

Price? - $23 (with a Monday and Thursday lunch special)

Website? - http://www.thecarlton.com.au/

Reviewers – Grace, Lee, Nikki, Tony[/info]

We finally made it to The Carlton!

For those with short memories (or new readers, If you’re new, Welcome! it’s great to have you here, I hope you’re enjoying yourself… What have you been up to lately?) The Carlton won the vote a few weeks back, but due to some kitchen problems they were unable to serve us a parma on the Thursday night, and we opted for The Elephant & Wheelbarrow instead.

It wasn’t fair that The Carlton didn’t get a go after a little slip up, they had won the vote fair and square, so rather than put up a new selection last week we called The Carlton the winners and headed over (while we’re on the subject, Voting for next week is open until Monday night, go and tell us where to go!).

Walking into the lobby of the multi-storey pub this promo caught my eye…

A very clever wording on that poster. “Vote for the best parma in town”, not “Voted”. Its a request, not a statement. Very sneaky Carlton, Very sneaky indeed!

I am very very sneaky sir… (interesting side note, Mr. Deeds is the only movie I’ve seen that features chicken parma. Adam Sandler takes Winona Ryder to a date and serves her parmas. The parmas stole the scene)

We snaked our way through the fairly busy Carlton and found a table in the dining room tucked in the back, I don’t know where to start describing the decor of The Carlton, “Eclectic” doesn’t even begin to cover it, think of a Safari Lodge while on LSD and you’re getting there. With red walls, polka dot rhino heads on the wall and a full sized Ostrich wearing a pearl necklace by the door, and that’s just the beginning.

The menu is straightforward, down to earth bar food. We found our target and placed the order. From where we were sitting we had a view of the kitchen door, meals must be popular on a Thursday as the door barely stopped swinging, with a tasty looking dish emerging each time. After a few swings our parmas arrived…

The schnitzel was quality. Unprocessed, thick and juicy breast with very tasty crumbs. It was one of those parmas where you didn’t mind that there was some nudity on the schnitzel, as the taste of the chicken held up without the need for toppings.

The cheese was plentiful and beautifully melty, the napoli was fresh, in abundance and carried a slight red wine flavour that gave it a great kick. The ham was there, but didn’t really add much to the taste of the dish. Overall this was a quality bird, lets hope the sides are just as good!

The sides weren’t just as good.

Always a bonus point for crinkle cut chips, but thats about where the positives end. They were overcooked, unsalted and not drained nearly well enough - every chip left an oily texture and taste in the mouth that was wholly unpleasant.

The salad was lazy, not terrible, but lazy. The whole thing consisted of lettuce, onion and cucumber with some cream dressing. The dressing was nice, the ingredients were fresh but I just wanted more. 

$23 is a bit steep for this bird. The parma is quality but as a whole meal it was a bit of a let down. The Carlton run a couple of parma specials -

(Note the continued use of their “Vote #1 best parma” line, sneaky buggers)

I’d be interested to check these out, as this would be a top notch meal for $15 with a free pot, but I wouldn’t be back at full price.

The Carlton parma was a quality bird I’d be happy to try again any day of the week, unfortunately some poor chips and lackluster salad let the meal down. All in all the Carlton is a pub that has to be experienced, just be sure to stop in on Monday or Thursday lunch and get yourself a parma on the cheap while you’re at it.

I’m sure the Ostrich would be glad to see you, but maybe he wouldn’t give a flock (bird puns. I hope they don’t ruffle your feathers. hah!)

Parma - 7.75

Chips - 4.75

Salad - 3.88

Value - 5.25

Total - 5.88

The search continues…

Attempt #119 - 'The Corkman'

[/info]

When? – 18/10/12

Where? – The Corkman. 160 Leicester Street, Carlton

Price? - $18.50

Website? - http://thecorkman.com.au/

Reviewers – Adam, Cale, Fridge, Lee[/info]

Voting this week ended on a tie of all things, both The Corkman and The College lawn in Prahran finished up on the same amount of votes. What to do? The easiest solution was to flip a coin - Results below (please excuse my poor handwriting, I was the last in my class to get my pen licence)

Corkman it is! We loaded up the parma bus and headed to Carlton. Thursday night is “Irish Night” at the Carlton and we were greeted by an extremely jovial atmosphere, $7 pints of Guinness and Jameson and Jam sessions of live irish music being played on the dance floor. Loads of fun.

We took a seat, found a menu and ordered our parmas

The Corkman is a your standard Irish pub, but it doesn’t really look like one. Unlike the look of the franchised Irish pub that I mentioned last week - the Corkman looks and feels genuinely Irish, It was probably mostly the live rendition of Riverdance eminating from the dance floor, but the pub had a fantastic atmosphere, warm and inviting without feeling fake or sterilised.

Before too long our parmas arrived from the kitchen…

The schnitzel was solid. Juicy, thick, and unprocessed. There wasn’t an inch of parma that wasn’t covered by topping - you’d honestly find more nudity at a convent.

the cheese, the napoli and chicken were all great, if I had to criticise I would simply say that it lacked spice. The cheese, the napoli, and the chicken were all fresh and delicious - however I feel a few more spices would’ve carried this one over the line.

Oh, and there wasn’t any ham, a shame, I love a bit of pork on my parma.

The chips were standard. There were in solid supply, cooked well and we had a sauce pot left over from our entree serve of chips, but they weren’t seasoned enough and we all had to reach for the salt shaker.

The salad was a disappointment. Rocket, onion and some slivers of carrot tossed in a lot of oil - was on the plate pretty much as an afterthought and didn’t compliment the meal well at all.

For $18.50 it was a decent price for what we got, nobody left the table hungry and the cheap pints only sweetened the deal. If they put a bit more effort into the chips and salad I would travel out of my way to try this parma again. Maybe not across town, but I would certainly deviate a few blocks.

If you’re after a great atmosphere, a solid Guinness and a decent parma, then the Corkman is definitely worth stopping into, its a shame about the sides, they really let down what could have been a quality dish.

Parma - 7.00

Chips - 5.75

Salad - 3.63

Value - 6.38

Total - 5.95

The search continues…

Attempt #118 - 'The Elephant & Wheelbarrow'

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When? – 11/10/12

Where? – The Elephant & Wheelbarrow. 94-96 Bourke St. Melbourne

Price? - $22

Website? - http://bourkest.elephantandwheelbarrow.com.au/

Reviewers – Adam, Cale, Fridge, Lee, Nikki[/info]

You know the feeling when everything is going according to plan, then all of a sudden the arse falls out of it and you’re back to square one?

That was me yesterday. Everything was on track for last night’s attempt - The voting was a success and we were heading to The Carlton on Bourke Street for a parma that we have been recommended to try many times. We had the place sorted, we had the attendees sorted, the last thing I needed to do was make a booking.

Thats when everything went wrong.

The friendly staff member informed me that due to “kitchen maintenance” The pub was on a limited menu - bar snacks only. No mains. No parmas.

It was scramble time, I brought up trusty google maps and scanned for a nearby pub, one of the first places I laid my eyes on was The Elephant & Wheelbarrow.

“Hmmm” I thought to myself. “British pub franchise … We haven’t had a great run with them. But how bad can it be?”. I didn’t have time to ponder, I called and made the booking. A couple of hours later we were walking into the Elephant & Wheelbarrow.

If you’ve been to one British/Irish pub franchise you’ve been to ‘em all, so I wont spend much time on description  but you know the deal. Dark carpet, extremely dark stained wood, farming equipment attached to the wall. They’re All The Same.

We scanned the menu, Found a parma…

And placed our order at the bar. Upon ordering we received one of these -

And it sparked a debate. They’re fairly common in franchise pubs, when your food is ready the digital coaster flashes red lights and vibrates, indicating that its time to go collect your meal.

I like em, they’re fun, and its like a mini game of chance predicting when it’s time to go and collect. And lets be honest, when it goes off you feel like you’re the winner of some awesome free food competition you are in with everyone else eating.

Yet others at the table weren’t as enthusiastic as me, they claim that since they are paying top dollar ($22, not cheap) for a parma, that they should bring the food the extra 3 metres from the collection area to the table themselves. We discussed this for awhile without reaching any real resolution, Our buzzer buzzed and we collected our meals.

Oh dear. Cover your shame, parma!

Plenty of nudity on display, leaving an overcooked (burnt around the edges), dry and kind of small prefab schnitz visible.

The napoli was creamy, almost orange in colour, it reminded me of the sauce you put on beef stroganoff. Plenty of it and it didn’t taste too bad, just the colour of it was odd and slightly off-putting. The ham was decent, plenty of it and carried a great smokey flavour.

There just wasn’t enough cheese, it was concentrated entirely on the single slice of ham and didn’t touch much of the parma at all.

[youtube id="XM-Ojm7ONM4" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were bland. They were well cooked, crunchy, but a little oily and like I said - Bland. Everyone reached for the salt shaker and when that wasn’t enough it was straight to the cutlery station to stock up on good ol’ tomato sauce, the ambrosia from the gods that can save any chip.

The salad was in a separate bowl, so points there. However the bowl was small and beyond the little drizzle of creamy dressing on the top the rest of it was pretty dry and uninteresting.

I’d be happy to consider this “The McDonalds of parmas” and move on. I didn’t have high hopes to begin with, we were in a franchised pub its natural to expect franchised food. Just don’t charge me $22 for the privilege. If your parma is nasty, you’ve gotta make it cheap & nasty to get away with it.

I wouldn’t travel far for this parma. If it were somewhere in the $10 - $15 dollar mark I might cross the street for it, but it’d have to be a fairly quiet street. Not a lot of traffic, perhaps with a pedestrian crossing.

We haven’t forgotten about the Carlton, I’m gonna give them a couple of weeks to overcome their kitchen issues, then revisit. In the meantime the polls are open on the facebook page - head over, and vote on where to send us next week!

Parma - 4.50

Chips - 3.90

Salad - 3.90

Value - 3.80

Total - 4.12

The search continues…

Attempt #117 - 'The Lord Newry Hotel'

[info]

When? – 04/10/12

Where? – The Lord Newry Hotel, 543 Brunswick St. Fitzroy

Price? - $19

Website? - http://www.lordnewryhotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Fridge, Janet, Lee, Nikki, Stefo[/info]

I thought voting was going to be tight this week, It was neck and neck between Harbour Town and Lord Newry until Monday afternoon, when Lord Newry jumped out to a massive lead! The final scores were Lord Newry - 25 votes, Harbour Town - 12 votes, and a rather unpopular Oxford Scholar with just 3 votes.

But never fear, those of you who voted for Harbour Town - This weeks selections will be comprised of the runner’s up of the last 3 weeks of voting, Check out the facebook page to cast your vote!

The Lord Newry is my kind of pub. Quiet backstreets, locals sipping on a pot while sitting by the crackling open fire and monthly trivia competition drawing quite a crowd in the next room (there was a pool table in there too, but trivia had the room pretty much packed).

We arrived to the dimly-lit Lord Newry, took our seats and checked the menu. Found the parma and placed our orders…

Now I know that last week I promised an end to poorly lit parma photos due to daylight savings kicking in, however I was a week off in my prediction, the savings of daylight kicks in this Weekend, so this will be the last dark parma I promise, even if I have to cart in a spotlight to illuminate the bloody thing, it will not be dark again!

As the parmas arrived I gathered around as many tea-light candles as I could so I didn’t need to artificially brighten the pic as much this week, managed to singe off a decent patch of arm hair in the process. See how I suffer for you people?

It was far too dark to do a ParmaCam this week, So I opted for a double cross section instead. But I digress … on to the bird!

I was impressed from the moment the parma hit the table. You could just tell this was a parma made with love. Forgetting the toppings the hand crumbed schnitzel was thick, juicy and looked damn tasty, the toppings probably weren’t even necessary to make this a ripper meal.

Then we got to the toppings. The two kinds of cheese were plentiful, well cooked and a delicious compliment to the chicken, with the obligatory slice of ham under a healthy serving of Virgin Mary Napoli.

What is Virgin Mary Napoli? I hear you ask. Well we had the same question, After our parmas arrived we asked the bartender and he went and had a chat with the Chef - Basically the Virgin Mary napoli is based on a Virgin Mary (Bloody Mary without the booze) cocktail, with Tomato, celery and a hint of tobasco sauce.

And what a Triumph of napoli it was! The tobasco gave the whole parma a kick, its easy to go overboard with tobasco but just had just enough to give you that slight tickle on the back of the throat. The originality of the flavour made the whole parma exciting, and an absolute delight.

The chips were beer battered, plentiful, well cooked, well seasoned and set beside the parma - a tick in every box.

There were squeeze bottles of sauce on the table when we arrived - Tomato sauce, BBQ sauce and Vinegar. Plenty of options for the sauce enthusiast!

The garden to the side was good for what it was, a garden salad. Plenty of dressing and beefed up with plenty in it, Not amazing, but passable.

For $19 I’d happily travel to Fitzroy again to give this parma a go, And I think you should too. Trivia runs on the first Thursday of every month, and although we didn’t partake it seemed as if everyone who did had a great time.

The Virgin Mary napoli was definitely the star of this dish, I love when a pub takes a gamble on something unique like that and it has definitely paid off. Do yourself a favour and check out the parma at the Lord Newry, you wont regret it!

Parma - 8.60

Chips - 8.00

Salad -7.00

Value - 7.70

Total - 7.98

The search continues…

Attempt #116 - 'The Bridge Hotel'

This pic is pre-renovation, its more of a creamy white colour now! I just couldn’t find a new pic. If you’ve got one shoot me an email!

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When? – 28/09/12

Where? – The Bridge Hotel, 624 Bridge Rd. Richmond.

Price? - $19.90

Website? - http://thebridgehotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Ahmad, Cale, Fridge, Janet, Lee, Nikki[/info]

The new voting system has thrown me for a loop - normally the first paragraph of a parma daze review is the story of how we came across the Bridge, but now that it’s in the hands of the readers every review is probably going to start with the same paragraph.

Everyone voted. The Bridge Hotel won, so thats where we went!

The recently renovated Bridge Hotel is a sight to behold, “Eclectic” doesn’t even begin to describe the amazing facelift this pub has had, the first thing you will notice upon entering The Bridge is that once you go inside, you are outside again… It’s an Outside-Inside pub! Someone has been stealing ideas from the Butabi brothers.

Did you just grab my ass?

I can’t explain the Bridge Hotel without sounding like a lunatic (“so, one wall, is like, covered in cameras, but the cameras are actually lights”), so I’ll let my friend Google Image Search help me out …

Don’t go thinking this is a beer garden, this is inside the pub.

Thanks to Broadsheet for the pics, Top website.

Anyway, we took a seat and ordered over the bar, $19.90 for the regular parma and $18.90 for the vego eggplant option, before long our meals were trotted out of the kitchen…

It was insanely dark in our little corner booth, so I had to max out the brightness on the parma photo and ParmaCam to make them visible! So apologies for the crappy quality - here is a much better photo I found on Urbanspoon…

The parma was quality - thick, juicy and unprocessed chicken with standard but not overly thick crumbs. I had great coverage of toppings, golden brown cheese, plenty of ham and lovely napoli.

Technically and visually this was a top notch parma … however myself (and a few around the table agreed) that it lacked a “wow” factor - I can’t put my finger on what was missing, and I’ll be clear that its a very minor complaint, but it just needed that extra kick to raise it from a “very good” parma to a “holy shit thats good!” parma, It’s almost as if someone turned the volume down on the flavour of this bird.

Once again I apologise for the quality of ParmaCam - Daylight savings kicks in next week so this should be the last of the after-dark parmas!

[youtube id="SO5s4FhqBAc" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were great, we haven’t had a good beer battered chunky chip in quite some time and these definitely fit the bill. If they needed any improvement I’d say a bit more seasoning wouldn’t go astray, and nobody would complain if some form of chip dip made it onto the plate (be it tomato sauce, perinaise or aioli)

The salad, like the parma, lacked that wow factor - Standard garden salad with plenty of dressing certainly filled the whole, but didn’t leave me quite satisfied.

I am on the fence with this parma. It was great, it was all great, and it should have ranked higher! But the general consensus from everyone on the table was - while everything was in place for a top notch parma - it was missing that kick.

The pub is truly outstanding, I have no qualms in saying its one of the prettiest pubs I have ever been to, and It’s definitely worth checking out if you’re in the area, just make sure to bring an umbrella if you’re planning on sitting inside!

Before I finish up just want to say that voting on the location for next week’s attempt will be live pretty much as soon as this review is! So head over to the Facebook page and let us know where we’ll be heading next week! Until then…

Parma - 7.00

Chips - 7.00

Salad - 5.17

Value - 6.58

Total - 6.55

The search continues…

Attempt #115 - 'Maxy's'

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When? – 19/09/2012

Where? – Maxy’s. 306 Glen Huntly Rd, Elsternwick.

Price? - $21.90 Platter for one, $35.90 Platter for two

Website? - http://www.maxys.net.au/

Reviewers – Lee, Nikki & Shanan[/info]

While struggling to decide which place to hit up this week I was hit with inspiration - Let the readers decide! So Monday arvo I put a poll up on the facebook page asking people to do just that, pick from 3 options and the winner is where we would visit!

Unfortunately I needed to make the decision by Tuesday morning, so I was only able to keep the voting open for about 20 hours. None the less we had a few votes and the decision was made - Maxy’s International in Elsternwick was the winner.

I enjoyed this voting system and intend to make it a permanent fixture for the foreseeable future - I’ll put the selection for next week’s attempt up later this afternoon, so be sure to check back to the facebook page and have your say!

A small group this week, we arrived at Maxy’s, took our seats and were presented with the menu - the “Parma Platter” was our target this week, available as a single-person serve for $21.90 or a serving for two (or one really hungry single) for $35.90. Nobody was game enough to try the double, so we ordered a round of singles and awaited our parmage.

Before long at all our meals arrived from the kitchen, and my lord was it a sight to behold…

When they said “Platter” they definitely meant it! This thing came out on a plate the size of a hubcap! The schnitzel was massive, non processed chicken, a little on the thin side but loaded with a heap of napoli, ham and tasty cheese. For the first time in a while I struggled to finish this behemoth, Reviewer Nikki tapped out halfway through, barely even making a dent in the thing. You wont leave Maxy’s hungry, thats for sure.

The parma had great flavour, although the curse of the big parma struck a little - After so much chicken it became a bit boring to get through, I found myself having to constantly alternate between the parma, the chips and the salads just to mix things up.

[youtube id="VWe1ui8byHU" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were standard french fries (aka Maccas Chips), as much as I dislike Maccas chips with a parma these served their purpose well - nicely salted and plenty of them.

For the first time in months I am able to say that the parma didn’t come with a standard garden salad! Praise Jebus!!

The amount of salad on the plate was enough for a meal in its own right. Three kinds of salad graced the plate. We did our best to identify them all, but if I’m wrong feel free to correct me.

• We started with massive pile of coleslaw, which worked fantastically with the schnitzel
• secondly was a decent stack of fresh diced tomato, capsicum and cucumber (my favourite of the three salads, so fresh!)
• Thirdly was a salad I could only describe as “purple coleslaw”. It looked like grated beetroot or purple lettuce, but tasted like coleslaw, either way it was delicious.
• All topped with an orange slice, the dessert to finish off the meal

I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to find a parma that puts a bit of effort into the salad rather than treating it as an afterthought… I’m tearing up a little just typing this *sniff*

After the mammoth parma and the chips I barely made a dent in the salad on the plate.

I would be impressed if I saw someone clear their plate after ordering the parma platter. There’s so much food here that for $21.90 its an absolute steal. It was a bit of a hike for us to get out to Elsternwick, but if you find yourself in the area its definitely a place to stop in for a meal, Just don’t plan on doing anything afterwards, this thing wiped me out! I was in bed my 9 oclock.

The parma at Maxy’s isn’t without it’s faults, but coupled with the abundance of chips and mammoth salad it comes out as a fantastic meal. If you can stand the cheesy decor and inexplicable photos of channel 9 TV presenters from the mid 90’s lining the walls then its definitely worth stopping by!

Remember to check the facebook later this evening to cast your vote on our next target…

Parma - 7.5

Chips - 6.17

Salad - 8.67

Value - 8.50

Total - 7.67

The search continues…

Attempt #114 - 'Pint on Punt'

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When? – 13/09/2012

Where? – Pint on Punt, 42 Punt Rd, Windsor

Price? - $18.90 normally, $12 on Thursdays when you buy a drink, $2.50 extra for Aussie or Mexican

Website? - http://pintonpunt.com.au/

Reviewers – Fridge, Janet, Lee, Luke, Nikki, Stefo[/info]

**EDIT - The Pint on Punt has closed its doors, this review is no longer valid - Word has it there's a new pub opening in its place that will have a parma on the menu ... will do our best to check it out once available!

I just found this picture of a quokka with a leaf.

Look at him! Cheeky rascal.

He’s so damn happy with himself!

Whenever I see a quokka I think about those little charity things they have in Red Rooster (although they’re probably gone now, I haven’t set foot in a Red Rooster since they got with the program and adopted Drive-Through).

You’d put in a coin and it would travel down to the picture of a quokka, hit a switch and a little quokka joey would poke its head out of the pouch. Lord, I must’ve put ten grand of my mother’s spare change into that thing!

Hm, gotten off topic, It’s okay I can save this. Quokkas … Red Rooster … Chicken … Chicken Parmas!

One thing I have noticed as the parma hunt has continued this year has been the ever so slowly rising price of the heavenly dish. When things started out a parma between $10 and $15 was the norm, but as time has moved on the price of the parma has risen!

$18 became the norm, then $20, these days we are hovering around a $21/$22 average, with our most expensive tipping the scales at $28.

This just wont do!

So this week I set out to find a cheap parma, a risk as “cheap” usually means “cheap and nasty’” but none the less I logged onto the The Happiest Hour and tracked down a parma special that not only looked decent, but was easy on the wallet as well… The Pint on Punt

We arrived at the Pint on Punt, ordered some drinks and took a seat in the bistro out the back. Classic Irish pub fare, lots of dark stained wood, green carpet, open fires and a heap of crap nailed to the walls that look like it came off a farm - you know the drill. Being a backpackers as well as a pub also gives it a fun atmosphere, I don’t think I heard an Aussie accent while I was in there, Including from the bar staff.

When we sat we realised we had stuffed up - the $12 deal only applies if you order a drink at the same time you order your parma.

We finished our first drinks as latecomer Reviewer Luke arrived. He went to the bar to get a drink, ordered it, turned around and saw we were also ordering so he said “oh can I also order a parma”, the order was put through but as the drink and the parma weren’t in the same transaction he had to pay full price. A bit harsh, I’ve gotta say.

We sat down, spoke for literally 3 minutes and the first parma emerged from the kitchen. Speed does not bode well when it comes to parmas, the old addage ‘good food takes time to prepare’ is more than apt. They must be pre-cooked we all thought. So with great trepidation, we dug in.

Quite surprisingly, it was good! The chicken breast, while a little small on circumference, was as thick as a … I can’t think of anything to compare it with, but it was damn thick. Check the ParmaCam, I made sure to rotate the parma a lot so the thickness would show up.

It didn’t taste pre-cooked either, our hypothesis being that as it’s Parma Night the chef can always afford to have some breasts cooking and they won’t go to waste. A great strategy.

The napoli was chunky with plenty of flavour, the ham was thick and smokey and the cheese did its job without much fuss. For a full priced parma, it was okay. For a cheap Parma Night parma, it was damn good.

[youtube id="2wWNoiYLfWY" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were standard, nothing to write home about yet nothing offensive, In need of a shake of salt and the bottle of sauce that was brought to the table with our meal was definitely appreciated.

The salad, in a seperate bowl, was quite tasty. Standard garden salad with a creamy mustard dressing that really made the dish. Quite a lot of tomato for me, but I’m not a fan of raw tomato, I’m sure others would have greatly enjoyed.

Like I said, at full price this is an okay parma, not bad but definitely nothing to write home about. Yet at $12 this is quite a gem, especially on a Thursday night when parma nights are hard to come buy (they are usually a Tuesday or Wednesday kinda deal).

The pub was warm and cosy on a cold Melbourne night, I’d be happy to travel 5 or 10 minutes out of my way to get this again, I’d also be keen to try the Aussie and Mexican varieties, they sounded scrumptious.

I probably wouldn’t go back for a full price parma, but I’d definitely try it again on a Thursday night, coupled with many more pints at the Pint on Punt.

Parma - 6.92

Chips - 5.83

Salad - 6.67

Value - 7.17

Total - 6.7

The search continues…

Attempt #113 - 'Tin Roof Cafe'

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When? – 06/09/2012

Where? – Tin Roof Cafe, 338 Keilor Road, Niddrie

Price? - $20.00

Website? - None

Reviewers – Cale, Fridge, Lee, Ness, Stefo[/info]

Your what?!

Tiiiiiiin Roof! … Rusted.

Love shack… Baby love shack…

Every week we load up the parma bus and drive somewhere in Melbourne to try a new parma - but some weeks the Parma Bus just doesn’t feel up to it, sometimes he needs a rest, and on those weeks we choose a parma as local to the review team as we can get. Hence the Tin Roof!

Tin Roof never really registered to me as a place to have a parma, however a few months back short lived parma review site “The Parmassieur” visited and gave it a review - The review has since disappeared from the interwebs, and I’ve forgotten what it had to say about the place, but since then the Tin Roof stuck out in my head as a place to try. (On a related note, To The Parmassieur - What happened? Your site/twitter/everything disappeared off the internet overnight, I’ve been curious where you went ever since! Tweet, Email or Facebook me and let me know.)

Anyway, we arrived at a fairly quiet Tin Roof and took our seats, we were a group of three and were waiting on two more to arrive. In the meantime we ordered a few beers and some starters. Thats when the service started to get … Pushy.

It’s hard to put my finger on, but we got the distinct feeling that we were being moved along, that the longer we sat in those seats the less people they could herd in and out of the restaurant in a night - and it wasn’t appreciated.

It’s not like we were being rude or even taking up space and not spending - while we waited for the other two reviewers we ordered a round of drinks, a bowl of wedges and a dozen oysters. Even though we told the staff that we were waiting on two more, we were asked if we wanted to order our mains before our starters had even hit the table.

After we told them that we would wait to order our mains until after the rest arrived, the service stopped dead. I must’ve sat with an empty beer for at least ten minutes before we had to wave over a staff member and order another one. Both pushy and inattentive service in the space of twenty minutes, quite a feat!

The sides came out and they were actually quite good, The oysters seemed to go down well with the seafood-eaters and the wedges hit the spot nicely, plenty of sour cream and bacon finished them off nicely.

Everyone arrived as we finished off our entree, we ordered our parmas and awaited their arrival! before too long our chicken made its way from the kitchen.

Uh oh…

Now from the photo you might think that Tin Roof has opted for the unorthodox Schnitzel-Ham-Cheese-Napoli (or SHCN) topping order, however on closer inspection you’ll see that the napoli is visible purely because there isn’t anything else! No ham, and those few little light coloured dots sprinkled throughout the napoli is the cheese. Barely Melted. Barely there. So basically it was a S&N topping system, with a cameo by cheese as brief and disappointing as M. Night Shyamalan’s appearences in all of his movies.

You’d think, being down to just two elements, that the two elements would at least be quality - unfortunately not. The schnitzel, while big (I’ll give it that, it took up a lot of the plate) was terribly thin and tasteless, The napoli tasted as if it came straight from a can, there was far too much of it and it overpowered all of the other flavours in the dish.

Back to basics with the Cross-Section over ParmaCam this week! Sorry guys, forgot to pick up the tripod as I ran out of the house afraid of missing the tram.

There were a handful of slightly-thicker-than-french-fries chips hiding underneath the parma, they were okay, I thought I tasted chicken salt on one of them, but couldn’t on the rest - So I’m unsure if it was actually there or I am slowly slipping into chicken-induced dementia (quite a possibility)

The salad, while there, was definitely an afterthought. No love whatsoever in the stack of lettuce with a sliver of onion, cucumber and tomato with a splash of balsamic. Like the chips it was there, but nothing great.

I’ve said before that I judge value on “how far I would travel to try this parma again”, sadly the Tin Roof is no more than a 3 minute tram ride from my house, and I still wouldn’t recommend it.

All in all it was a disappointing experience - from the terrible service (after the hassle to get my 2nd beer the table was never asked if we were okay for drinks the rest of the time we were there) to the sub-par parma, Tin Roof is a little rusty, to say the least.

Parma - 3.40

Chips - 3.80

Salad - 3.40

Value - 4.00

Total - 3.60

The search continues…

Attempt #112 - 'The Imperial Hotel'

When? – 30/8/2012

Where? – The Imperial Hotel, 2-8 Bourke St. (Corner Bourke & Spring St) Melbourne.

Price? - $24.90

Website? - http://www.bourkestreetimperial.com/

Reviewers – Emma, Fridge, Johno, Lee, Mel, Nikki, Pat, Stefo, Tony

EDIT 6/12/13 - The scores given in this review are no longer current, We re-scored the Impy at the 2013 Parma of the Year awards, check out the new scores by clicking here

Early this week I was faced with a conundrum. After a run of so/so parmas I was desperate to find one that was good. A parma that would serve as a morale booster to the review team, who I could sense was growing disillusioned by week after week of mediocrity. I couldn’t risk picking a pub at random this week so instead I asked the question on the Parma Daze Facebook page … Where can we go for a good parma?

Within a few hours I was overwhelmed with suggestions. I couldn’t decide which of them to try so I simply chose one of the responses at random… This one…

Sounded good to me! I Googled both pubs and something about the Imperial just grabbed me - particularly, the picture of the parma they have on their website…

Seperate bowls for chips and salad? A hunk of chicken that looked quality? I was sold.

I set the event and on Thursday night the Parma Bus arrived at The Imperial Hotel.

Walking into the Imperial I wondered how I hadn’t found this pub before. Cosy ambiance, 13 beers on tap, a DVD of a fireplace running on a loop and an abundance of TV’s showing various sports games; I found out later that this pub is the home of the Melbourne Liverpool Supporters Association - The Impy seems to be the place to be for you soccer fans!

They tout themselves as the “Third Oldest Pub in Melbourne” but it has been brought into the modern day beautifully while still retaining it’s old world charm, and there’s something about the view of Parliament directly across the road that fills me with a sense of pride. (ugh. Okay, I’m wanking on, I’ll get to the Parma)

Before arriving I made a booking via the online Dimmi booking system, unfortunately there was some sort of error in translation and the Imperial did not have a booking for the nine of us - Luckily the staff could not have been more accommodating, and they put together a table for us while we relaxed with a pot at the bar. It was two shakes before we were set up in the dining room perusing the menu…

Now classically giving a parma the name of your pub is a big red flag, not quite as much of a death sentence as referring to it as “Our famous chicken parma”, but damn close. With a little sweat forming on my brow we placed our orders. The parma’s arrived and I instantly knew I was wrong … this was gonna be a good’un

First of all, the plate was massive, look at the standard sized knife and forks beside it for some sort of comparison.

The schnitzel itself was a huge piece of pure chicken breast, hand crumbed, thick, juicy and piping hot. Those around the table who had schnitzels smaller than the norm were blessed with a double serving of a smaller schnitzel as opposed to the singular big one, and I’ve got a feeling that they came out with more with that deal.

Atop the golden crumbs was plenty of tasty napoli, a slice of ham that wasn’t lost amongst the other flavours of the dish and a perfect covering of golden cheese, crispy in all the right places.

I’m trying hard to come up with a negative about this parma and I honestly can’t think of any. The folks at the Imperial have come up with a truly outstanding piece of bird.

Take a look for yourself - Note: The song on today’s ParmaCam is for all the Dad’s celebrating fathers day this Sunday, have a good one guys! Enjoy the socks.

The separate bowl for the chips is always a plus, and contained within was a bowl of golden brown, well salted pub chips. Nothing extra-ordinary but for pub chips it’d be hard to ask for anything more, although gun-to-my-head a pot of aioli or tomato sauce on that exceedingly large plate would have made them spectacular.

I thought I was going to be let down with the salad as it appeared very dry in the bowl - luckily after the first forkful I discovered that the ingredients underneath (lettuce, onion, tomato, cucumber, shredded carrot) were doused in a healthy splash of balsamic dressing, turning this so/so salad into an accompaniment to the meal that more than held its own.

Enough of my chatter - what did everyone else think?

$24.90 is a little steep for a parma, but we always judge our value scores on the idea “Would I be happy to pay this much again, for what I got served?” and the answer for the Imperial is a resounding YES. Sure the price is up there but as the old saying goes “you get what you pay for”, and I would be more than happy to return for this piece of bird any day of the week. Also, Over the bar I noticed a sign that read something along the lines of “Monday - Buy one parma, get another for $15”. Sounds good to me! (and if that info is wrong someone let me know - I was a few pints in at the time I read it!)

It’s clear that the folks at the Imperial care about their parma, they put love and effort into their dish and it shows. Next time you’re in the area (or not! go out of your way for this one) be sure to stop in. For public transport folks it’s right at the entrance to Parliament station, so its also easy to stagger home from after the many pints you are sure to have at this absolute gem of a pub.

Parma - 9.06

Chips - 7.22

Salad - 7.72

Value - 8.50

Total - 8.31

The search continues…

Attempt #111 - 'The Leinster Arms Hotel'

When? – 23/8/2012

Where? – The Leinster Arms Hotel. 66 Gold St, Collingwood

Price? - $19.50

Website? - http://leinsterarms.com.au/

Reviewers – Fridge, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Stefo

UPDATE 07/01/19 - We have been advised that the leinster has changed hands, and this review is no longer accurate. will be revisiting in a few weeks for a fresh look, stay tuned for more info!

We found The Leinster after The Happiest Hour promoted it as one of the last pubs left in Melbourne that still do a ‘Toss the Boss’, After looking into it the pub seemed to tick all of the boxes, A quiet, warm pub in the backstreets of Collingwood - the complete antithesis of last week’s attempt at Crown Casino and just the breath of fresh air we needed.

Also it’s been said that The Leinster is Mark ‘Chopper’ Read’s local, and thats kinda cool.

We loaded up the parma bus and headed into Collingwood, Unfortunately Toss the Boss runs on Wednesday nights, so we missed the boat on that front. Luckily the cosy ambiance of the pub more than made up for tossing a coin to get free drinks.

As expected, The Leinster is a cosy backstreets pub filled with charm and character, leather couches, brick walls and an open fire look comfy as hell in the lounge area, the pool table in the front bar is perfect for drinking the night away and although I didn’t venture in myself, I saw a lot of people heading through the back door to what looked like a solid, albeit cosy beer garden.

The dining “Atrium” was a different beast all together, Brick floors, brick walls, a glass roof and a buttload of greenery made for a very different pub-dining experience, it’s hard to explain the look exactly so I’m going to poach a photo from the pub’s website

Not your usual pub bistro!

We took a seat and checked the menu, while there were a couple of very intriguing menu items (“Willie’s Fettucine”, “”Fluffy” chicken breast”, or “Penne for the connoisseur”) We stuck with our guns and ordered the parmas…

But that’s not all, we were a particularly hungry group of parma goers this week, and the aroma’s coming from the kitchen certainly put us in the mood to venture over to the entree section of the menu, Reviewers Pat, Fridge and Nikki all ordered themselves a round of oysters Kilpatrick, while Reviewers Stefo and Myself, the less adventurous of the group, split an order of bruscetta…

The bruscetta was delicious! a perfect way to whet our appetites for the oncoming parmage… And although I personally would never touch an oyster with a 20ft pole, I snapped a picture -

Word from the seafood lovers was that the oysters were fantastic - everyone, suitably satisfied with their starters (alliteration for the win) waited with baited breath for the parmas to emerge from the kitchen.

Yet before they arrived the waitress arrived at our table with two large bowls of salad, Stating that as we all ordered parmas it would be easier to simply serve us our salad in large bowls… but more on that later.

Shortly after our salads arrived I hopped up to get myself a beer from the bar, and came back to find my parma already on the table. I saw the disappointed faces on my fellow diners, then looked to my plate … my heart sank.

Where to begin! The schnitzel was small, processed and oilier than a BP offshore drilling station. Under the crumbs was a credit card thin slice of pinkish-grey chicken that was not very appetizing at all. There was a crapload of cheese on top, however I think our meals spent some time under the heat lamps as my cheese had gone hard and rubbery, with the oil from the cheese separating out and adding to the already oily schnitzel.

The was a slice of ham and some napoli that was more tomato peel than actual napoli, however the entire parma was tainted with the taste of oil. every mouthful, oil. oil. oil.

After my third or fourth bite I really didn’t want to eat any more, I commented to the other lads that the only reason I would continue on was for the ParmaCam … the things I do for you people!

When the parma arrived the chips already looked dry and dead. Standard pub chips that I had to load with salt to get any semblance of flavour. Then came the moment when a small gnat-like bug crawled out from under one of Reviewer Nikki’s chips, scaled to the summit and claimed the chip in the name of all bug-kind.

Even with being in its own massive bowl the salad was dry. It contained onion, cucumber a heap of capsicum and far to much of an extremely sour white vegetable that we identified as fennel, but could be wrong.

We sat there after our meal truly flabbergasted (and feeling a bit sick). All the elements of an awesome parma were in play - The pub was fantastic, the other food we saw coming out of the kitchen looked amazing, Hell, even our own entrees were delicious!

The whole meal was a massive let-down yet, Amazingly, I would come back to the Leinster. A lot of the other menu items looked quite good, I just wouldn’t touch the parma again with a very, very long pole (longer than the one I use to not touch oysters)

Parma - 3.10

Chips - 2.80

Salad - 4.20

Value - 3.60

Total - 3.36

The search continues…

Attempt #110 - 'The Merrywell'

[info]

When? – 16/8/2012

Where? – The Merrywell - Crown Casino

Price? - $28

Website? - http://www.themerrywell.com.au/

Reviewers – Bec, Fridge, Johno, Lee, Luke, Matt, Mel, Nikki, Pat, Stefo, Tony S, Tony Q[/info]

The Merrywell is the new kid on the block at Crown, situated in the new “West End” section that is looking damn impressive, I’ve been wanting to go there since I spent multiple hours staring at the sign while waiting in line for Comic-Con at the exhibition center.

We loaded the Parma Bus with one of the biggest groups we’ve had in a while, headed to Crown and took our seats in a prime position looking into the window that overlooks the kitchen, the food I could see being prepared looked amazing, so hopes were high.

We checked our menus and placed our order…

hooo boy, I’m no tightass, but $28 is the most we have ever paid for a parma, and thats not including chips or salad?

I still held out some hope, for that price they had to be doing something impressive.

The pub itself is an absolute triumph, modern and sleek yet with the warmth of an open fire and lounge area, Not to mention the balcony - a gorgeous drinking platform overlooking the river, with an outdoor bar, heaters and TV screens - even the dunny’s had those dyson air-blade things … worth the trip alone right there!

After a bit of a wait (understandable, as we ordered 12 parmas in one hit) our food hit the table.

Now, before we get to the chicken I will preface it by saying that The Merrywell’s menu is extremely American influenced, with items such as “jalapeño poppers” and “mac & cheese bites” its a menu that wouldn’t look out of place between an Applebee’s and an Outback Steakhouse.

here goes…

It was obvious that the menu was mislabeled, this wasn’t a chicken parma, it was a chicken parmesan - Reminiscent of both of our parma tours of the United States, right down to the accompanying pasta.

The schnitzel itself was small, quality chicken (albeit a little dry) with fantastic crumbs that were the highlight of the dish, but still small (and slightly overcooked). There was no ham, the napoli was spread fairly thin and the cheese was reduced to a couple of dollops in the middle and some grated parmesan garnished on top. For a chicken parmesan it was ok, but the menu said Parma, and in Australia a parma is a very different beast to a chicken parmesan

[youtube id="_koqDeeA_tE" width="580" height="337"]

Firstly, in true yankee tradition, there were no chips. In its place was a pile of pasta with napoli sauce, to avoid confusion we will be scoring the pasta as if they were chips.

For pasta, it was … just plain pasta in napoli sauce that tasted dangerously close to being tinned - if you’re gonna take away our chippies you’d better replace them with something damn good! mediocre pasta is just not going to cut it.

Now, aside from the parma, on the menu we noticed a couple of options for share plates of chips, one item in particular caught our eye…

B…B…Bacon Aioli? You mean I can actually dip my chips into liquid bacon?! I must try this amazing dish! When we ordered the parmas we also ordered 3 serves of the share plate of chips to go around the table. $14 also seems pricey for some chips and aioli, but honestly - liquid bacon? I’d give up my first born son.

These were a bonus item that didn’t affect the final score, but along with the parmas arrived The Merrywell Chips -

Again, “Chips” is a bit of a misnomer, these were baked potatoes, halved, and baked. The bacon Aioli was fantastic, but I couldn’t help bit thing I would have enjoyed it more if it was served with a more classic chip - And with potatoes this size in a “share plate” situation, double dipping becomes a real issue.

You dipped the chip.

you took a bite.

and you dipped again.

There was no salad, save for the couple of green leaves atop the parma, so the “You don’t win friends with salad” clause was initiated (for those unfamiliar, see the salad section of This review, where the rule was first put into effect).

For $28 ($42 if you include the Merrywell Chips) this parma is far too expensive for what was on the table, end of story, sure its at Crown - A building literally designed to rip off consumers, but at least on the roulette table they at least pretend you have a chance of winning money (I may be a little bitter as I lost an extra $50 on the way out)

The pub is absolutely gorgeous, one of the best looking spots I’ve had the pleasure of downing a pint. Good music, great atmosphere and a decent selection of beers on tap.

The other food looked amazing and I’ll definitely be back to try the Wagyu sliders or Mac & cheese balls.

The “Parma” was a disappointment, but mainly due to the fact that it wasn’t really a parma - which is exactly why I didn’t score the American tours, its comparing apples and oranges. It was a tasty dish, but the lack of chips or salad for such an inflated price dragged the score down immensely - I won’t be trying it again in a hurry.

Parma - 6.25

Pasta - 4.92

Salad - N/A - “You don’t win friends with salad” rule initiated.

Value - 2.96

Total - 5.08 

The search continues…